[seeker1950]

Okey, dokey...I posted about the "rollercoaster" weekend I had with the old flame. Several of you here warned me, but, hey, I was on a "high." I emailed him reflecting that last evening. Today, I rec'd a rather business-like letter, mentioning the wife several times, and saying I should consider anything he said here while with me as "unsaid." I felt ill at reading that. Thank God I didn't do anything foolish! He rec'd a phone call from wife each evening while he was with me and rather brushed her off, and after the phone call, swept me into his arms. I was at once taken aback, but at the same time melting!
I am now thinking it would be better for my own mental health to refrain from future emails from him, and to be "gone" when he returns here in Nov. for the extended legal hearing.
I admit, I'm vulnerable.
Seeker

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((seeker)))))))))))))))))))))

i'm not up to date on what happened, but want you to know i care.

[lisa39]

You are worth much more than than and his behaviors should be the driving force to STAY the hell away from this selfish, unfeeling person. You're not vulnerable, you're not make the right conscience choice but you've chose to put yourself there anyway. Why do that to yourself....on purpose mind you?

[eskielover]

Seeker,

The best part of the email is that it made YOU realize that is isn't right......no matter what other people may say, it comes down to your own decision.......& is sounds like you have come to a great realization that will be in your best interest for the rest of your life.

I think you are being wise in the decision you have made.....to just not be there when he comes back & avoid all further emails......You have your best interest in mind now & as long as you stand by your decision (the light bulb came on.....gut feeling) you are in control & not vunerable.

I am proud of your decision....You are doing great.....keep it up even though it may be hard,
Debbie

[weather]

I agree. You are in control of what you do, and it will give you power. A study showed that people who can maintain a semblance of control in bad situations cope better than those who feel powerless.

[seeker1950]

Hello, all, and thanks so much for your thoughtful feedback. I'm feeling better today. No harm was done during my visit with him, and we refrained from behavior which would have caused either of us regret.
I'm not going to obsess over him.
Thanks again,
Seeker

(((((((((Seeker)))))))))))))

[dogtanian]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
seeker1950 said:
Okey, dokey...I posted about the "rollercoaster" weekend I had with the old flame. Several of you here warned me, but, hey, I was on a "high." I emailed him reflecting that last evening. Today, I rec'd a rather business-like letter, mentioning the wife several times, and saying I should consider anything he said here while with me as "unsaid." I felt ill at reading that. Thank God I didn't do anything foolish! He rec'd a phone call from wife each evening while he was with me and rather brushed her off, and after the phone call, swept me into his arms. I was at once taken aback, but at the same time melting!
I am now thinking it would be better for my own mental health to refrain from future emails from him, and to be "gone" when he returns here in Nov. for the extended legal hearing.
I admit, I'm vulnerable.
Seeker

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

i don't know the history and please excuse my tone but he sounds like an arse. no one deserves to be treated that way, don't let him get away with it. he's playing you, and his wife, for idiots. his attitude seems unbelievably arrogant,but it'll only stay that way if you let it. if you let him get away with treating you both like people who can be lied to and strung along, he will get away with it, and his attitude towards you will worsen. you know it's wrong, please extricate yourself as soon as you can - *no-one* deserves to be treated that way. xx

[mj14]

(((((((((((((((Seeker)))))))))))))))

Most of us can't choose whether or not we are going to be attracted to someone. And with the history you two share, it's only natural that there would be a strong attraction between you. It sounds like you both "know" that it would be a bad idea to get involved physically, but there's that old attraction, pulling you back together.

Now while we can't chose our feelings, we can chose how we act on those feelings. He has made the choice to stay in his marriage, and you both have made the choice not to engage in an extra-marital affair (excellent choice, by the way ). But when you are together, that attraction is so strong, and it feels so good, and comfortable, and right. It can make it real hard to remember the choices that the more rational side of you made.

I don't know anything about this man, and maybe people who are saying he's just using you are right, but my guess is, he's being torn between the smart, rational choice that he's made and this strong attraction he has for you. It makes him seek you out when he's in town, and makes him sound cold and distant with his wife when he's with you...but apart from you, from the temptation, his rational brain takes over again, he remembers that choice he's made to stay faithful to his wife, and his response is to try to "undo" what he did and said with you.

I think people don't want to believe that temptation can get the best of them. They want to believe that their brain should be able to control their urges, and that they shouldn't have to give up a friendship because there is attraction, that they can control it and not let it get out of hand. But to continually put yourself in the path of temptation is to take a big risk of succumbing to it. And from what you describe, it also causes pain to have to see and be near something you want so much, and not have it.

I guess this is all a *very* long-winded way of saying that I think your decision to stop e-mailing and seeing him is the best thing you can do to take care of yourself. Not because he's a bad guy, but because your relationship is already too intimate to keep it going without causing you both a lot of pain.

Good luck.

[seeker1950]

Hi, MJ and Dog,
He wrote me a more sensitive and thoughtful letter last evening, expressing concern that he may have caused me distress by his visit and our interaction. I am all over it now, and responded that I was okay, that I respect his marital status, etc.
MJ...your assessment of the situation is so clear and correct. And I am well beyond the stage in life to act out irresponsibly in any sexual manner. I want no more heartache, having had much more than my share of it! He knows that, and I'm really pleased and proud of the fact now that we didn't cross any inappropriate lines in that manner.
I'm also pleased to have recovered from this so quickly! Thanks, all of you!
Seeker