[NuckingFutz]

Don't men to go on about my relationship and breakup. But I keep having these flashes of him doing or saying highly disturbing things. He did and said these things but do I work through them or just try and forget them?

I would mention what he/said during our relationship, but I was lonely and didn't know how highly distrurbed he was. I have mental illnesses of course put now that I've been thinking of it, most of the stuff was highly disturbing.

I al also loathe to support someone here as it might come out pretty nasty if he's affected my behavior in any way. I'm just feeling all confused about it.

I don't have any contact with this man (no phonecalls, emails, texts, or meetings). I was hoping that this would help and it's been not even a day, so I don't know.

I am grieving for the things in the relationship I had an expectation for, like more stability. I almost feel sorry for the guy.

He's back with his ex (the one that was with him when he was 13)...yes she did do this back them. I know it's affecting him now, but to go back someone he said he didn't want to see anymore because it wasn't healthy.

Im rambling, guess I needed too.

But seriously though, any help would be appreciated.

[Yoda]

He was taking advantage of your kind nature NF. You deserve far better treatment and he had no motivation to change his behaviors. When you start thinking about him find something else to distract your thoughts, journal, draw, listen to music,...

This is just a small blip in your existence. You deserve to be happy.

[eskielover]

It's normal for the human mind to not let go of disturbing things that we have experienced, but I personally feel that it's better to try to just let go of them than trying to work through them because the more you think on them, the more it sticks in the mind.

I feel it's better when you find those thoughts in your mind to find a great distraction & get your mind thinking on other GOOD things in life. I find that when I fill my mind with all the good things in my life, there is NO ROOM for the crap that other people throw at us.

You said that you looked at the relationship as sort of a fling anyway as you were planning on moving to LV anyway.....one doesn't develop a stable, meaningful relationship is a short period of time.....take your thoughts back to the beginning of the relationship & you may be able to realize that what you were expecting out of the relationship then isn't anything like what you have convinced yourself that you are grieving now. When we start to look at things realistically with our rational mind rather than our emotional one, things look a lot different.....a lot more in tune with reality than the drama that our emotional mind creates. Know it's difficult to tie our two mind sets together, but that's when the healing from situations like this can occur.

Hoping that you will be able to let go of this not good time for you. Reality says that this guy would have never been able to give you the stability that you were hoping would come from a relationship with him. Had you really gotten to know him before expecting that from the relationship, you never would have expected it. It seems that your expectation was based on your own hope (wishful thinking), not on what he was ever really like.

Hopefully you will be able to put this whole thing in perspective & get on with your life.

Wishing you the best with this

[NuckingFutz]

Thanks for the feedback. Both of you shed some light on what really happened. I just jumped in because I thought I would enjoy a little love affair before leaving for Vegas. Didn't get to know him before as a person. Had I gotten to know him, I think I would have quietly exited his life or not entered it all.

I'm taking the flashbacks as what they were...highly psychotic episodes where everyone treats them as normal behavior.

The relationship didn''t last long, never had a chance (fast or slow), I am hoping the the healing won't take long. I am already feeling much better.

I have learned from this experience though, and I know what hgihly disturbing psychotic behavior looks and feels like (it feels like gaslighting and numbing at the same time).

Thank you for your feedback.

[madisgram]

nuckingfutz, i always find your comments helpful and you have caring heart. i was emotionally abused in my marriage-long time period-and it did take some time for me to regain my life. i suffer from ptsd but it's manageable today. just be kind to yourself, know u're safe now, and give it time. you will get better re those thoughts/fears/flashbacks.

[NuckingFutz]

I am focusing on the stuff I need to do for Vegas, but sometimes these flashbacks (both good and bad flashbacks) come suddenly and unbidden.

I do have one small step and that is I have had no contact with him for over 24 hours. It's been hard, but I did it...one small step.

I guess what attracted me to him was that he was gorgeous, enough for this lesbian to cross that line. He was attentive and sweet and liked to be around me. I also though "now how attached to this guy can I get in six weeks"? Time doesn't matter. Nothing was based in reality.

I did do some research while I was with him and the signs point to the inability to tell the difference between reality and fantasy and this happened with him an awful lot. Plus he was bipolar like me. He would never be able to be there for help.

Sorry to ramble, but it seems theraputic to talk about it in here. And Eskie, you were dead on. I'm going to have to go through the grieving process of not getting what I wanted even if it wasn't realistic.

It was wierd because the longer I spent with him, the more psychotic he became (especially when the pedofile he was still in touch with would call) and say pretty love words to her.

He's just all kinds of crazy and I don't want to sort it all out.

I'm also mad that I chose (or was chosen) by someone sicker than me. I would like a chance for a relationship with a woman who doesn't have to be perfect, just a good person whom I deserve.

I jumped into the relationship basically because he was cute and I didn't care thinking I would be out of here mid-March.

Rambling again. Hurting really bad but knowing to stay away from him is the best thing for both of us. Just needed some badly needed emotional support.

[notz]

Stay focused my friend. Vegas...

[NuckingFutz]

Yes, I know...Vegas. It can't come quick enough.

Thank you for the reminder my friend. Going to take a bubble bath and then off to bed.

Thanks for reading my post.