feeling triggered by bf joking

My bf is very good to me, hes sweet, considerate, and always there for me and I for him. However, he likes to tell laugh, make fun of others weaknesses ,,I think trying to make light of them. For instance, she is 75 cents short of a dollar, or shes about 2 feet in the grave (about older ppl)..I dont think very nice but i try to have a laugh with him. Also, I have poor spelling and handwriting because my bp meds. Well, he brings that up jokingly too. He says his dad gave him this humor. Deep down I feel like he thinks I am a useless joke but why does he want to be with me then if he is better than me.. Confused..

Bless Everyone,

Rainwater

he probably doesn't realize that it isn't really funny. can you talk to him and tell him that you find this hurtful rather than funny?

I think he probably doesn't realize that his jokes are hurting anyone's feelings. I mean you said it yourself you laugh with him. If he's telling jokes and you're laughing how is he supposed to know that he's upset you. You have to talk to him.

Hey Rainwater,

It sounds like you and your boyfriend simply have different senses of humor. Some people think that making fun of or teasing others is hilarious, others will disagree. Personally I don't blame you for being offended by some of the things that he says, but he more than likely isn't aware that he's making you uncomfortable by his 'jokes.' I think you should simply tell him how you feel, and knowing that you don't find his jokes humorous should hopefully cause him to change the way he acts when he's around you.

Making fun of others is not a kind thing to. A lot of insecure people use this malidaptive coping mechanism in a desperate attempt to try to make themselves feel superior...obviously, it does the opposite.

I would have a talk about this with him.

I think you guys are right that we have different sense of humors and it is a good idea i let him know next time he tells a joke that feels hurtful to me. I just hope he doesnt think I am getting insecure its just I seem to take it personal probly just the bp.

I used to be like this guy. The only person that can help him is him - with the help of someone showing the err of his ways. Coming from a rough group of people, I still have this sense of humor but I'm not using it outright like I once did. I'm sure he has compassion to some degree, but the jokes are said without seeing their cause and effect on those who actually hear it.

Does he joke about you being BP? If so, then you may want to actually speak with him about why he does it to you and how he feels about your condition.

no, Rain, i have to agree with Nutz,, it's a maladaptive behavior on his part, one he's probably not even aware of,, but it could cost him friends and jobs and advancements,, it's a good thing to stop doing,,, hope you find a way to help him,,, best wishes Gus

Hmm..Gus what you say changes a bit how Im feeling I mean for the better. I never thought his jokes may be causing him problems in other areas of his life but now Im seeing your point. So, next time he tells a joke that seems hurtful again I will try my best to tell him how I feel. Thank You

People say hurtful things about others, under the guise of being "funny" in order to make them feel better about themselves. If this is frequently directed at you, and especially if these "jokes" are in front of other people, I would consider this a form of abuse, as unintentional as it may be. Can you tell him that his frequent belittling of others is offensive to you and impairs you ability to share a trusting relationship with him?

When I was first married to my husband, it was back in 1975 when the comedian Don Rickels was was sort of popular. His jokes were all about putting people down & I absolutely hated his humor......so just my luck, my husband (at the time) decided that was the kind of humor he chose to imitate. He pulled it on me a couple of times & I immediately put a stop to it.....told him that I had no intentions of living with someone who chose to treat me that way & put me down like that (I was an equal to my husband in college & my career). Every time he would pull that kind of humor & laugh at himself, I would remind him of what he was doing. It probably took about 6 months, but I finally broke him of that habit. It was one of the few things he was willing to change that caused problem in our marriage.

No one likes that kind of humor & it definitely doesn't go well in the work place......so it will definitely be better off for your BF to change his habit of using that kind of humor that really isn't even funny if he wants to be successful in his future as that type of humor definitely does drive away friends & causes problems at work as Gus pointed out.

Most times people don't even realize what they are doing with things like that or how others are reacting to it...& when changing a habit, it takes repeatedly pointing out that they are doing like I had to do with my husband....but it's something that is definitely worth your time & his in the long run.

Hope he is open to making this change.

Well, after all responses here I managed o comment to him when he made fun of someone who was unfortunate. I said, you are alot like your Dad who he has alienated himself from Im guessing getting made fun of. Now Im happy to say that Im not hearing those tasteless hurtful jokes much

Thanks All, Rainwater