[questioned21]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 14 months. Throughout the time we have been sexually active. He started changing though not wanting to have sex as often or feeling bad after we have had sex saying that he was taught all his life that sex was on for making children. Basically his mom and her lessons were in his head. He kept saying that he knows that he loves me and that it should be ok to have sex with the person you love and that he wanted to get help. Well he never did and about a month ago he decided that he wanted to be abstinent until he is married. This upset me because its not that sex is everything in a healthy relationship but it is a part of it. I dont believe that we were doing anything wrong by having sex. He is set in his mind about this decision. How do I handle him making a life decision for me? I dont feel that its fair to do so, but I want to be with him. Marriage is no where in sight. How do I get him to understand me and how do I deal with such a change in our relationship?

[Soul Quake]

Even if marriage was imminent, what about when you hit 40+? Is he going to resign from sex because you're past the childbearing years? Does he plan on knocking you up every year, then withdrawing from sex once you're pregnant?

There's some moral issues going on, not to mention his shame surrounding a natural act. If this relationship is to be salvaged, he needs to be bothered by his own new found abstinence enough to seek help.

[sarek]

I think you need to solve this. Its almost inhuman of him to make this decision for you both, especially after all this time.
Of course, making that sacrifice on your part can theoretically be done if there are overriding psychological reasons that your bf can not do it(as with my gf) but in that case its a force majeure and not so much a choice.

I always find it a little strange how people interpret the Bible when they say that sex before marriage is wrong. After all, what IS marriage? Does God really need a human priest or government official to speak for Him and make it official?
Or is marriage the solid and enduring bond between two people who have chosen each other? And don't you think that if there is such love, God will be able to tell?

[Perna]

Just as you get to decide for yourself what you want sexually, he gets to decide for himself. I would gently ask him about his previous intent to see a therapist about this decision and remind him it is a little too late to wait until marriage with you since you have already had sex together. However, if he wants to continue waiting, that's his decision and all you can do is decide if you love him and want to wait with him and get to know him and understand this point of view of his or want to move on.