Asking for help, sorry it's a long post!

I'm new here but really needed some outside advice, so thought I would give this a try.
Here is a bit of the problem I am going through, I'm hoping that someone out there has some advice for me because I'm not sure where else to go. My husband and I have been married for 7 years but have been together for 14. We were highschool sweethearts, I was 15 and he was 17 when we first met and we had our first child a year later. Our relationship has always had its ups and downs, don't they all? But this time, I'm not sure we are going to heal, or even should.
We have been having problems for a few years and have both been working on trying to make things better but not really knowing how to at the same time. This led to.... my husband having an affair with a coworker, we both worked for the same company so we both knew her. She was recently seperated from her husband and going through some stuff of her own and they found each other comforting aparently. Now the sex part I can get over, but this affair lasted about 7 months and as we all know, sex leads to feelings. It's the feelings I'm having a VERY hard time letting go of. A short time ago, my husband came to me and spilled the beans, and me being the person I am, I wanted to know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, no holds barred painfest. Let me tell ya, I don't know if that was the best decision or not. He told me that he really thought he loved this girl, that he thought he would be happy with her, that he thought life would make sense with her, that he wanted to be with her more then anything, that he thought of her everday.... every peice of truth broke my heart a little more every time he opened his mouth. He had told her he couldn't stand hurting me anymore and she had decided to go back to her own husband. Which he immediatly began to think was a mistake. Now that she is out of the picture, he says he still loves me. Never stopped loving me but that the love had changed over time. We have talked ALOT in the last week. So much that I don't know if I can talk anymore. We are completely indecisive on whether what we have had is worth saving. Whether there is anything left to save. Whether our hearts can be fixed. As I said, the sex I can get over. It's not as devastating as knowing that my husband could fall in love with someone else. I want to save my marriage. God help me, but I do. Is it possible? Is it worth it? I know it will be hard. I am just having a really hard time letting go of anger, rage, disappointment, sorrow, lonliness, and any other emotion out there. I can not stop seeing her. Wondering what they did, where they went, what memories he will carry for life. Everytime a song comes on, I wonder if he is thinking of her. Everyday I wake up, I wonder if he wants to be waking up with her. What if she comes back? I won't survive this pain twice. Can I trust him again? I am so lost.
That's what leads me here. I am a proactive person, and I figure the sooner I can get some advice, the better. Being together for so long, our friends are conflicted on whos side to take because they are not just my friends or his friends, they are our friends, and I don't want to put them in an uncomfortable situation. Has anyone out there been through a similar situation? Can anyone offer some advice other then 'kick him to the curb followed by throwing his stuff on top of him!'? Does anyone know of some good resourses to help a person through this? Thanks in advance for any help you can offer!

Nothing leads to a person breaking their marriage vows except deciding to do so. It is called "cheating" because people wish to have their cake and eat it too. My husband told his wife he was dating me (before we went out) and moved out of their home as soon as he could arrange it so she was well taken care of as well as himself.

The situation you have described cannot be easy, there is no quick fix or chart/map of what to do. I would keep talking with him. It sounds to me like he wants to be with her so I don't see where you fit in in that scheme? As hurt as you must be, I would also be insulted/angry that he is going about his telling and breaking up of the marriage in this fashion. He could have done it like a mature man and not "involved" you, giving you more pain.

You may have insisted on the details but they are his details, his affair, and he effectively betrayed the other woman, giving her details/history too to someone outside of that relationship. Their relationship is none of your business other than to decide, with him, how the fact of it impacts yours. He does not sound, to me, like someone I would want to put a lot of faith and trust in at this time or like someone who I could be assured cared for me as a husband should, or who cared for our marriage with the priority I believe it deserves.

idk. for me i'd never be able to trust him again. i believe it's very selfish for one partner to do this to the other. he could have moved out and told you he needed some time out in your marriage. that's the least he could do. by going behind your back is a betrayal of trust. a violation of your relationship. meanwhile you were believing everything was ok. i'm sure he was intimate with you both at the same time. the other woman's behavior is also selfish. how could she have been seeing someone who was already married? sounds to me they are both selfish and amoral. his spilling his guts to relieve himself of his guilt after the fact says a lot to me. it wasn't because he put you first in his life. he just wanted to feel better about something he knew was wrong, imho. it's all very exciting to sneak around. he said, i was deceiving my spouse but it's now ok and for you to say, hey it's ok, i forgive you, i trust you, i'm ok with what u did. i know you love me..this is just my spin on it. my mother did this with my father over a 25 yr. span. even tho they stayed in their marriage and he knew about this other man she continued to see the other man even tho she promised my dad otherwise. he was hurt time and again. when spouses go out of their marriage for comfort it says they are seeking out what they don't want at home. they are not willing to work it through but to find a quick fix outside of the marriage. i'm sure others may suggest couple's counseling or whatever but i saw first hand the damage that is done to one spouse to another in spite of the promises and the violated spouse believing the other.
i'm sorry this has happened to you. you deserve better.