[clouds_and_sun]

I am nearing 40 in a few years and let me telling you it really sucks never had been in love. My last relationship was 10 years ago, and he abused me verbally and psychologically.
Sadly where I live now it is a very superficial place. Where as most woman must look like hollywood and if they do not the guy will look the other way. This has lowered my self esteme so badly, I already had a low self esteme before moving here. I don't look a thing like hollywood, I can't wear make up or die my hair cause of super sensitive skin and scalp, I have tried.
I do get out when my only friend is home from work, so it is not like I am stuck at home 100% of the time. That being said, love can happen anywhere, at a supermarket, library, anywhere but sadly it has never happen to me.
Never being in love or having a guy ask me out in 10 years is yet another rejection that hurts deeply.
Is there anyone here who is 30+ and never been in love?
If so how do you deal with it?
Thank you in advance for your kind advice.
[note to the mods: I am not quiet sure where this topic should go, please know that I am deeply sorry if I put this in the wrong area, thank you kindly]

[ariesmars]

32 man here, never even had a date! VERY depressing and VERY lonely i am. i dont have a clue how to deal with it. amazed i made it this far so alone. now i wanna cry.

[UCLAFan]

clouds_and_sun i'm pretty much in the same situation.i have a hard time dealing with being alone.it really do's suck.i have been asked out but it's by loser thugs on public transportation.as lonely as i get i don't want to date someone with a police record.that would complicate my life even more.

[clouds_and_sun]

Originally Posted by ariesmars

32 man here, never even had a date! VERY depressing and VERY lonely i am. i dont have a clue how to deal with it. amazed i made it this far so alone. now i wanna cry.

Originally Posted by UCLAFan

clouds_and_sun i'm pretty much in the same situation.i have a hard time dealing with being alone.it really do's suck.i have been asked out but it's by loser thugs on public transportation.as lonely as i get i don't want to date someone with a police record.that would complicate my life even more.

Oh I totally agree with you on that. I would much rather be single than date a thug.

[marjan]

I'm 37 and still searching....I liked some guys along the way, but I've never been in love for a long time....Couple of months here and there....You can't even call it a relationship...ha?
Yes, I do feel so lonely, but I'm still hopeful....hope is the only thing I can have for now...
Just out of curiosity, where do you live? Los Angeles? because here is like everybody looks so beautiful....but I know lots of guys that hate all those plastic surgery and fake b..s....
I do online dating....no success yet....but handful of guys write in their profiles that the beautify comes in many ways and they are looking for a nice woman....
I'm sure one day you and I and everybody else here who are alone, will find that special person

Marjan

[Korana]

Hey
I don't think there's really a formula for finding love, but I figure there's one or two for optimizing your chances of finding love.
You said you get out when your only friend is off work... does that mean you don't really know anyone?

I always find that with love you need to be able to talk to people, to be in situations where you can have the occasional conversation with a stranger. That's the best bet in my experience.

But there are some other concerns too. Like you should have some more close friends in your life so you can have different experiences with different people - Things that would make you feel good about you.
I think you'd feel a lot better about yourself if you expanded your social life first. But that's hard with low self-esteem.

Perhaps you should work on your self-esteem then build new and good things within your life.
Love is hard to find, and even harder to keep, but the chances of finding it when you don't go out very much or meet many people isn't so good.

Don't focus too much on the love part anyway. Make yourself feel better about your looks and your life. You have the power to change both if you think that is the solution.

Analyze yourself, take a good look, and work on what you want to be different.
Not finding love at this stage in your life isn't shocking or strange. A lot of people go almost their whole lifetime without finding what they would consider love.
You're still young. Finding love and making a life you're happier with are things that are entirely possible.

I;d love if you kept posting about your situation, maybe tell us about what you're getting up to, if you're making changes or feeling better.

[shelterdog71]

I'm a 39 year old female (turning 40 in a few weeks.. OUCH) and have never had a decent relationship with a man. I've always been heavy and so the few guys I have dated in the past were manipulative, controlling, and abusive. They think they can do whatever they want to the "fat chick" because she's so desperate for a man she'll do anything. I've put up with some of the worst emotional abuse you could imagine, been in financial trouble by spending tons of money on expensive things and charging up credit cards, treated like a slave, etc. I get physically sick when I think about some of the things my exes have done to me. (and the stupid things I've done for them!)

Five years ago I thought I met "the one"... Things were great at first but then quickly went downhill... Again, another loser looking for a mother to take care of him, feed him, do his laundry, pay all the bills, take care of the mortgage, etc. He just laid around all day, slept, and made messes in the house. The sex completely stopped after the first year we were together. I was his sugar mama and gave him everything he wanted, but we had no relationship... we were like roommates. He worked nights, I worked days. He spent every free moment in his own bedroom (yeah we had separate bedrooms) playing video games. We had a great front going because our families thought everything was great.. they were shocked when we broke up. I can't believe I put up with it for that long... but I was just scared of being alone.

Now I'm single and I honestly don't care if I ever meet another man. I have no desire to put up with the BS in a relationship and I will NEVER trust another man ever again. I work hard, have a great career, nice house, and 2 dogs I adore. I'm not putting any of that in jeopardy for some manpig to come and take it all away.

[Perna]

I remember how astonished I was when one of my best friends "decided" to get married and joined a square dance group (I didn't know she/we were the type!) and found a guy, married him and is living happily ever after (still married 30+ years later).

I didn't meet my husband until I was 34, at work/a new job and he was my rebound relationship from my previous/first boyfriend who was wildly inappropriate (20 years older than I, only separated/not divorced, no interest in a "real" relationship, no future). We didn't marry until I was 39.

I agree with Korana, you have to get out more, meet more people all over and not worry so much about how you look (I was overweight, didn't wear makeup at all, no clothes sense (love being "comfortable"), etc.). Work on that self esteem; "self" is the operative word. Figure out what you like and go toward that and that will draw people toward you. One truly has to "be yourself" and that serves as a magnet instead of chasing after some idea of what we think some other people want.

[clouds_and_sun]

Originally Posted by marjan

I'm 37 and still searching....I liked some guys along the way, but I've never been in love for a long time....Couple of months here and there....You can't even call it a relationship...ha?
Yes, I do feel so lonely, but I'm still hopeful....hope is the only thing I can have for now...
Just out of curiosity, where do you live? Los Angeles? because here is like everybody looks so beautiful....but I know lots of guys that hate all those plastic surgery and fake b..s....
I do online dating....no success yet....but handful of guys write in their profiles that the beautify comes in many ways and they are looking for a nice woman....
I'm sure one day you and I and everybody else here who are alone, will find that special person

Marjan

to you all and thank you. You all gave such great advice and I greatly appreciate it.
I live in FL. It is hard even going in the sun cause I will roast. I moved here cause I love the weather but it was nothing like I thought it would be down here.
But the good thing about FL is that people here do not judge me nearly as bad as were I was from for being single with no kids.
Anyway thanks again. I will keep you all posted.

[redpoppies]

hey clouds and sun! everyone here is so smart, aren't they? i love all of the wise words you've been given... and i have a feeling that 2011 just might be YOUR year! how exciting! i live in my hometown, which is really a metropolitan city, and a few years ago i decided that i needed some new friends. have you taken a look at meet up dot com? (are we allowed to mention such things here? i'm not a paid promoter, promise!). it was a GREAT way for me to get out and meet new people who SHARE MY INTERESTS!!! whatever it is you like to do, there is a group for you. in my area, there is even a group for nicholas sparks fans. personally, i find that a little extreme, but you get the point there is something for everyone, even groups specifically for singles. you can get as involved as you want... it's up to you. change starts with you, babe! you've got this! and yes, definitely please keep us all posted!!!

[missbelle]

I know one thing Clouds and Sun.....that to be married and unhappy is also not good. I was the opposite...I fell in love too easily and got married too easily. That was not good either. Your time will come when all is ready. I know being lonely is not good either. I get lonely at times now. I have been on my own for six years. I hope things work out for you. I don't know how you feel but I support you and very glad you are here!!!

[Bmee2]

Well clouds and sun, clearly you are not alone. my past has made it so that it is more than a little difficult to get close to a male or female for that matter. Sex is such an adverse trigger i do not think i can remotely think of it. But....tomorrow is another day and my focus is on healing. i think when i get healthier i might find someone or something but for now....love is not my priority.

[sarek]

I fell truly in love for the first time in my life a little over two years ago when I was 44. I thought it would never happen in my lifetime but instead I met this amazing angel.
We met online on a support forum like this one and are as yet and for the foreseeable future long-distance but we definitely want more together.

[marjan]

Originally Posted by redpoppies

hey clouds and sun! everyone here is so smart, aren't they? i love all of the wise words you've been given... and i have a feeling that 2011 just might be YOUR year! how exciting! i live in my hometown, which is really a metropolitan city, and a few years ago i decided that i needed some new friends. have you taken a look at meet up dot com? (are we allowed to mention such things here? i'm not a paid promoter, promise!). it was a GREAT way for me to get out and meet new people who SHARE MY INTERESTS!!! whatever it is you like to do, there is a group for you. in my area, there is even a group for nicholas sparks fans. personally, i find that a little extreme, but you get the point there is something for everyone, even groups specifically for singles. you can get as involved as you want... it's up to you. change starts with you, babe! you've got this! and yes, definitely please keep us all posted!!!

Great idea.....
When I moved to LA, I had nobody....It was so depressing....I start searching on the internet to find a group for hiking...not to mention that my sister was checking on me and telling me to not trust anybody on the internet and going hiking with them in the mountain means signing up your dead certificate....hehehehe....well....I didn't quiet listen to her!
I found a hiking group on the meetup....of course I played safe and I went there and saw group of people (normal people) going hiking and nobody really knew each other.....and that's how I made some very good friends....we all have the same goal....we were new in the city and we needed to make friends plus we love hiking.....wonderful.....I see them regularly after three years and they are my friends here in Los Angeles....
check out the meetup groups, I'm sure there are tons of them in Florida....