[EmilyAnn89]

Last summer I ended a 5 1/2 year abusive relationship I was in.

A few months later I met someone really amazing. I know that everyone is just going to think I'm a silly little girl but I grew to love and trust him more than I could have ever imagined. It was like everything was suddenly right with the world and the future looked so perfect. I opened up to him completely, something I have never done before. I was 21 at the time and he is 35 and he just seemd like the most perfect man. He was kind, smart and he said he loved me and wanted to marry me.

He left me in December and my whole world fell apart. I tried to kill myself that night and was in the hospital for a week.

Now I just feel so lost and rejected.

He said we would still be close friends and I guess for a few weeks we were. I know things can't go back to what they were but I really do love him and want him to be a part of my life in some way.

He stopped calling now though, or answering my text messages and tonight it is really just killing me. I don't understand what is wrong with me. Why I'm never good enough. Why did he say he wanted to be friends if he dosen't? I can't stop crying...I wish I could just dissolve. I don't understand what I did to deserve to hurt this much. I try so hard to be a good person but everyone just keeps hurting me and abandoning me.

I just don't know what to do. Why can't anyone love me? What did I do to deserve this?

I feel like I will never really move on and frankly I don't want to.

Hello, EmilyAnn89. Is professional help an option for you?

[Nola22]

EmilyAnn, I'm really sorry for everything you've suffered. You don't deserve to be treated the way you have, and the measure of your worth is not in the relationships that have been so damaging to you. Right now, you don't want to move on, possibly due to the expectations you had (and still have) of this seemingly glowing, sparkling relationship you've had more recently. Believe it or not, that's not uncommon. The only way you'll begin to move on is if you see your ex boyfriend for who and what he really is.

I don't believe he wants to be friends with you, but not because you or your friendship are unworthy--he is the unworthy party in this situation. He may be trying to let you down easily, an approach that often does more harm than good, because it fuels the hope you still have in your heart. If he really was your friend, the communication would still be there, barring some extreme set of events. The bottom line is, you shouldn't reward him with your friendship after how he's treated you--that type of relationship should only go to exes who understand the concepts of dignity and respect.

You've made yourself vulnerable to someone who did not value the depth of that openness and trust, and it's going to hurt for a while. Give yourself a chance to process these feelings. I know how raw you must feel, and please believe me--there IS life after these ordeals. It sounds as if he has emotionally manipulated you on top of everything, promising a marriage and a future he did not intend to see to completion. Once you cast him out of the idealized manner in which you see him, you'll begin to heal a little. Don't contact him at all, and know you are not talking to him for you, and you alone. Let go of the future he dangled in front of you, and you'll see a truer, brighter future that belongs to you.

You are not a silly little girl. You are human, and you want and need love, just like everyone else. Don't let someone like your ex take away all the possibilities life holds for you. I wish you all the best, as well as the strength and courage to go forward when you are ready. The title of your post says it all, really--you never will be the same, but you can come out of this stronger, and your heart will open again one day, if you allow it to heal.

I'm sorry for what you're going through. Take your time and grieve at your own pace. It's not possible to force someone to feel a certain way. You're not stupid, you're not silly, and you didn't do anything to deserve this. You deserve to be loved the way that you want to be loved.

I know it's hard to do, but let him initiate the next contact. Feel it out from there. If you think that you still have strong feelings for him then it will be hard to be friends with him. How would you feel if he starts dating someone else and you're friends with him? Focus on taking care of yourself and not worrying about him so much. Do something nice for yourself...go for a walk, take a bath, make your favorite meal, etc. Talk to your friends...not about him, but about other stuff as a distraction.

It will take time, but things will get better soon.