[pimprenelle]

WAYS FOR MEN TO ANNOY WOMEN

Don't call back ever. Make sure that you told her that you would.

Lie. Get caught. Deny that you lied.

Never stop and ask for directions when you are lost.

Talk about yourself. All the time. Never ask about her.

Scratch yourself. Spit and flatuate in public.

Never fail to point out to her all of the attractive women nearby.

When she is venting, always offer a clear, concrete answer or solution with little feeling attached.

Memorize the following, "It's me. It really is. It's not you." "You're like a sister to me."

Forget anniversaries, birthdays, holidays and other special occasions.

Remember, you're a man. Therefore, it wasn't your fault.

WAYS FOR WOMEN TO ANNOY MEN

Never say what you actually mean. Assume that men are clairvoyant.

Be as ambiguous as possible. Master the phrase, "Oh, you know what I mean."

Cry. Cry often. Tell the man it is his fault.

Dredge up things that were said or done two weeks (or two years) ago.

Ask loaded questions. Examples: "Do I look fat in this outfit?" "what are your plans for tomorrow?"

Complain about how much he watches sports on television.

Hide the remote control unit. Tell him he lost it.

Blame everything on PMS and his total lack of feeling.

Over-analyze everything.

Make men guess what you want and then complain when they get it wrong.

http://www.datingdoctor.com

[Myzen]

Hi P,

LOL - nice post. It sounds to me like you are going into recovery mode and that can't be a bad thing!

A good dose of generalised cynicism is a great antidote for private pain, even a necessary part of the healing process.

Your doing OK - IMHO.

Good thoughts, M

[pimprenelle]

Hope you are right. Distance is a great thing. I don't really trust it. It works for now.
I also think that cynicism is good medication.
I keep the spirits up by telling myself that nothing ever works out in life for people just sitting on a bench crying, right ? On a more general level, a few people need to understand now that they have to treat me better. I need to speak out. This I will do.
I have just seen the film "Le goût des autres" ("Taste for others"). Some brilliant lines. When one of the main character says that she wants to live in a perfect world where everybody is nice etc.., the chauffeur answers : "You'll have to live in Disneyland then".
Another great film against gloom : "Cuisines et dépendances" :
"Have you seen that woman and how she dresses ? This super mini skirt ! How vulgar! Even you didn't dress like that!"
"What do you mean by that ?"
"No, I mean, you know, you were the pushy kind, but... I will check if dinner is ready."
Yea, I am going through my DVD collection, avoiding "Magnolia", "The hours", "Hero" and "Dogville".
Another good one is the German film "Rossini" (name of a restaurant in Munich where you can meet the rich and famous). The ultimate cynicism.
Dialogue between an actress and the owner :
"Can't you change this diner light ? One looks like a corpse in this light. It is misogynistic!! I am surprised women still accept to eat here !"
"I wish some of them wouldn't".
When the waitress tries to seduce the recluse writer, hunted by film producers who want to turn his book into a film, he tells her :
"No realism please. I am a writer !" (replace "writer" by whatever you want)
The French film "La fille sur le pont" ("The girl on the bridge") is also great against depression. When the girl on the bridge jumps and is fished out of the water by an artist and they both lie in hospital, she complains she can't even succeed in killing herself, a fellow bridge jumper tells her :"Don't be too harsh on yourself, you'll do better next time!". The film is great fun. Very uplifting. The keyline is : "You don't get lucky. You make your luck yourself".
Ain't that true ?

[pimprenelle]

Some British humour this time ?

"The A-Z of being single" de Jeff Green:

"Being single is the fun of living solo, which means FREEDOM - freedom you've only dreamed about. For women - how about sitting in the bath for forty-two hours if you want? Having the heating on and the windows open and not hearing a word of complaint? Imagine a world of candles and kittens. A new world.Your world. How does it feel ? Good ?
For men, single living means freedom for you too - freedom to sleep in your clothes, sleep directly on the mattress, even sleep in the car if you want. it's YOUR life. Do it your way. It's the freedom to finally relax in a world where no one tells you when to come home, what to wear or how many times you can reheat Chinese food. It's the freedom to have the toilet seat up, down or (my favourite) completely off its hinges. Feeling giddy? "

Being stood up ? Here's some advice :
"Tip : Try to retain some dignity. You will be exposed to ridicule if you are seen outside the cinema :
- constantly looking at your watch in puzzlement whilst holding a bouquet of limp flowers like an olympic torch.
- looking expectantly into the eyes of every passing female, like a tied up labrador waiting for its owner to come out of a sweetshop.
-shivering
-banging your head against a wall, wailing :"why does this always happen to me?"
- still there the next day."

[Ryan]

LMAO. Thanks for the laugh.

Ry

[pimprenelle]

http://www.joke-archives.com/dating

OK this is a bit harsh on men. Hey, just kidding. We couldn't do without you.

5 Things Women Will Never Understand

Men are a misunderstood lot, which all in all is probably for the best. Women are better off not knowing that we eat with our hands the minute they leave the room or that we use their nail clippers to trim our nose hair. Better for them, better for us. Still, it's annoying that women spend more time and money trying to understand the minds of cats than they do wondering about what makes men tick. Which is why they'll never understand...

Our consuming need to own the biggest and most expensive version of just about everything.
Our compulsive desire to drive off-road vehicles in cities and use corkscrews that resemble offshore drilling equipment is well documented. As marketing targets, men are suckers for terms like "professional" or "industrial strength," because inside every man is the germ of every profession he ever imagined himself one day excelling at. Most of these purchases are harmless, little more than childish wish fulfillment played out at a higher testosterone level. But occasionally we go too far. The guy upstairs from me once boasted that he had a filter which filled his flat with "operating theater quality air." I kept him away from my surgical steel steak knives.

Why we are so bad at shopping.
We've never been trained to do it the right way. Supermarkets are like giant booby traps for males -- which is why if you send a man out to get eggs, sugar and bread, you should not be surprised if he returns home with a case of beer, a pair of jeans and a tree.

The reason why we don't like to discuss The Relationship.
Most of us will find any excuse to dodge those conversations that start with questions like "Are you really happy?" and "Where do you see us going?" A relationship is a delicate thing, like an antique clock, and we know what will happen if we start picking it apart. Often our reticence will result in a lengthy conversation about why we have trouble talking about... "The Relationship."

Why we think we can fix things.
Almost all men believe they can repair virtually anything with a little patience. In reality, we're only half right. Men are extremely good at taking things apart: whether it's a dishwasher or an antique clock, a man can break it down to its most basic components in no time. Unfortunately, this is where our expertise usually leaves off, and we're mostly satisfied with leaving bits and pieces spread all over newspaper on the kitchen table.

Men and video games.
Women cannot understand how grown men can waste huge chunks of their lives zapping things off a screen. When a man repeatedly rings his girlfriend to say he has to work late and routinely comes home at two in the morning all glassy eyed, she will usually take this as evidence of an affair -- when it's more likely that a pirated copy of Streetfighter II is making the rounds at the office.

Advice for Women

You can't change a man -- unless he's in diapers.
What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.
If they put a man on the moon -- they should be able to put them all up there.
Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway.
Men are all the same -- they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
Women don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him the checkbook.

The Top Ten Things Men Know
and Understand About Women

10.
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4.
3.
2.

And of course,

1.

Fell free to post more.

[pimprenelle]

Ok here a few good Cds to cheer us up :

Juan Luis Guerra : "Grandes exitos" (from Cuba)
Pink Martini : "Sympathique" (USA)
Musical : "Bombay Dreams" (India/UK)
Amadou et Maryam : "Dimanche à Bamako" (Mali)
Malavoi : "Marronnage" (French West Indies)