[Jenn1fer82]

I've decided to go through with the surgery for my partial complex seizures. If the insurance approves it then I can possibly get the surgery in about 3 months the earliest. There is also something that has been on my mind and thats the relationship I have with my bf. We've been together for 2 yrs now. Our relationship is good and he makes me happy but our own personal problems is overwhelming us. Each of us has our own problems that had existed before we met one another. I had a discussion with him today and I can tell it was breaking him down. I told him that I know we can do everything we can to be there for one another but at this time its not about our relationship but our own separate lives and the issues. I don't know how we can truly be there for one another like the way we each deserve when our own personal problems are taking the quality of our life away. As much as I would want him to be in my life and to be there for me after the surgery but I know I need to be selfish and care for myself first and not have to worry about his issues. He's going through a custody battle for his 4 kids, child support issues, and the trouble with his employment. I'm a caring and loyal person but that can also be one of my biggest flaws because I can get too overly involved and I don't know when to walk way even when it because a burden to my own emotional well being.

I don't want to be alone after the surgery but I also know that continuing to be surrounded by his issues can also interfere and distract me from caring for my own health and what I want to do in life. Sometimes I forget what I want in my life and I just think about how to help him and others. I love him dearly but sadly enough I might have to let him go for the sake of my health. He's held me and cried and told me he doesn't want to lose me and he'll do whatever he can to get his life back together. It just breaks my heart...

[trance]

hurray for surgery...that's so cool...glad you're moving forward with your life...sounds like you know what to do but are afraid to do it...don't be...you deserve to be happy in all the things you do in life...you will need every ounce of strength to get you through and your B/F sounds like a very nice guy but with baggage...the kind of baggage that can tear a person apart...you shouldn't feel guilty for wanting more out of life than what he can offer...he maybe able to fix things in his own life but why hasn't he done that...why does you're leaving him make him think anything will change...he still has 4 kids and ex-wife to deal with not to mention his employment problems...I think you should let him go now while you guys still love each other or it will turn to resentment and then to hatred...it'll hurt both of you at first but he has to deal with his own life you can not help him...you have to deal with your health and your own life...and your life is tough enough as it is...if he loves you truly he will step aside and give you your freedom...and who knows maybe you guys were meant for each other...in which case you will come together again one day...you need to give yourself the opportunity to find yourself...to become who you want to be...take care of you my friend and don't be afraid...there's strength in you I can't feel it from your words...good luck

Good luck, Jenn1fer82. I hope all turns out well, both for you and your friend.

[shezbut]

Jenn1fer82,

I offer my very best wishes to you in your search for control of the complex partial seizures. The surgical road is a bumpy one for most of us. There are physical and emotional effects of surgery. Some have much smoother roads than others, for unknown reasons. But researchers agree that having emotional and physical assistance (at least in the beginning weeks) helps A LOT!

For me, being responsible to be the primary caregiver to my young daughters was absolutely impossible. My mom came to care for them, as I stayed in my bedroom (away from the noise). I simply could not handle loud sounds and lights. It was an extremely painful recovery for me. Especially because I was in the 33%ile in which no pain medications suppressed the pain of surgery. They tried 2 different strong meds in hopes, and soon decided that I was in that 33%ile. Painful is an understatement! But, time passes, and you develop a strength to make it through.

I obviously have lots of personal experience in this area, and would be happy to answer any Q's you may have. Or lend an ear when you feel worried, scared, hopeful or hurt. Imo, those who've had brain surgery have an invisible bond. A bond that most other people just can't understand ~ as they haven't been in that position. Imagination does not do the experience justice. Since my surgery, almost 5 years ago, I've grown a lot in different ways. Ways that I never EVER thought of before.

Wish you the best