[DespondentDaisy]

I hate to harp about it, but my boyfriend seems to never be wrong about anything.
Yes, I know it helps to mention things to a man because otherwise he may not figure it out on his own. He seems to never own up to anything. He seems to only remember all the dinners he has paid for, not the dinners I paid for or all the cleaning I end up doing on my own all the time. He doesn’t seem to remember all the nice dinners I’ve cooked him. I love him, and this shouldn’t be an issue. He's plenty engaging And can be very loving and attentive, but when he has to have his way, he has to have his way and nothing is ever his fault. He says he loves me so much but he really doesn’t know how to show it, or make me want to keep on loving him.

[SophiaG]

If you look at the cognitive dissonance theory you'd understand why this is.

People often have a set-view of themselves, and to reinforce this view (minimize cognitive dissonance) they only remember things which proves this view of themselves.

He's just protecting his ego and not making concessions which is what relationships are all about.

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by DespondentDaisy

I hate to harp about it, but my boyfriend seems to never be wrong about anything.
Yes, I know it helps to mention things to a man because otherwise he may not figure it out on his own. He seems to never own up to anything. He seems to only remember all the dinners he has paid for, not the dinners I paid for or all the cleaning I end up doing on my own all the time. He doesn’t seem to remember all the nice dinners I’ve cooked him. I love him, and this shouldn’t be an issue. .

(((Daisy)))

It isn't uncommon for a person to focus on themselves ~ and the good things that they do. Sometimes, simply reminding them of little things that you have done helps put things into proper perspective.

I say sometimes because some people aren't willing to accept that others give to the relationship. If you're in a relationship with a person who is unwilling to accept your perspective, chances are that the relationship won't last long.

Most people will accept the reminder though. That's okay. We all have days where we feel unappreciated and as though we do all of the work. We make the decision on whether or not we are willing to continue in the relationship/s. Some people are willing to do all of the physical work, as long as the other gives in emotionally. Others aren't. It's an individual decision that we make.

He's plenty engaging And can be very loving and attentive, but when he has to have his way, he has to have his way and nothing is ever his fault. He says he loves me so much but he really doesn’t know how to show it, or make me want to keep on loving him..

The part above is disturbing to me. If your bf is as extreme as you've described, I'd seriously recommend getting professional help. These 2 lines sound a lot like my brother, who has always had a tendency to become extremely angry and violent. If your bf is this way, chances are strong that he will not lose this tendency. Stay safe!

Hope my post isn't too wacky (or scary) for you ~ and you understand where I'm coming from. Unfortunately, there are always extremes. And it's awfully tough to know exactly how strongly your bf behaves when he has to have his way. If the anger seems a little excessive, but it isn't openly hateful and angry, it's still worth talking with a professional T about.

Best wishes to you!

[Leed]

Hi ~ It sounds to me like he has a very fragile ego. Of COURSE he's not wrong - to be wrong would mean he's "defective" in his mind. Admitting that YOU paid for dinners would mean that he's not a "gentleman" or he's a "miser" or a 'cheapskate.' He doesn't want to embarrass himself.

And to do any housework would totally emasculate him -- that's women work!!! LOL Are you sure you're not messing around with my ex??? LOL

I don't know how you'd EVER change a man like that -- you CAN'T. I lived with my ex for 26 years, and he never changed one little bit even tho we fought about his idiocyncracies often enough. He wouldn't budge -- he was right about everything and that was that. I would print out PROOF of things, but he was still right.

So you either put up with it, or you leave. Simple as that. I'm sorry you have to deal with it. I just about snatched myself bald. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[racee]

i agree with leed my bf is never going to change..i mean over the years ,he has a little here and a little there...but i finally halfway accepted. this is it! and i love him too much in other ways, he is perfect for me......so what did i do...i got a psychiatrist!

now i can stay with my partner and get my emotions out about how i feel because my p-doc will substitute for what he will or cannot do and i don't think i'm going crazy anymore (he almost had me believin' i was).
He puts up with my crazy irrational moods so i think i can put up with his baggage. see the compromising going on!

But not everyone is worth it...you need to know is this who you want to be with forever..can you really put up with this 24/7 for the rest of your life??? are you willing
BTW i have had many conversations like yours in your post.

[jenkins09]

Originally Posted by DespondentDaisy

I hate to harp about it, but my boyfriend seems to never be wrong about anything.
Yes, I know it helps to mention things to a man because otherwise he may not figure it out on his own. He seems to never own up to anything. He seems to only remember all the dinners he has paid for, not the dinners I paid for or all the cleaning I end up doing on my own all the time. He doesn’t seem to remember all the nice dinners I’ve cooked him. I love him, and this shouldn’t be an issue. He's plenty engaging And can be very loving and attentive, but when he has to have his way, he has to have his way and nothing is ever his fault. He says he loves me so much but he really doesn’t know how to show it, or make me want to keep on loving him.

What do you mean by that? that sounds pretty demeaning to me. We are capable of figuring things out just fine I agree with the other poster about him possibly having low self-esteem. To admit being wrong is too painful. I hope you can talk this out with him, no finger pointing, using I statements and sharing what your need are. Good luck.

Hello, DespondentDaisy. What you describe is something that should be addressed to your satisfaction. As your post manifests, sometimes love is not enough for a healthy relationship.

[madisgram]

hi daisy, justme, but my husband had these traits and it controlled my life. i "lost" myself due to his viewpoint about himself as it pertained to me. he became both emotionally and physically abusive to me over time. can't say this would happen to you but i'd consider how you feel about this one-sided relationship.