Still not right.

I posted about 3 months ago about how i was going back to live with my mother and how she'd sort me out and make me better.

I've been here now just over two months and i was working 40 hours a week- and doing nothing else except exhausting myself and drinking inbetween shifts, and so the bonding intended to happen between my and my mother didn't quite go to plan.

In fact i got more depressed having to go out and work and talk to people when i knew she was at home all happy with the baby. She hardly speaks to me, and nothing i do is ever good enough.

I was sacked from my job (finally) a few days ago. I just couldn't hack it, and i need poeple to understand that. Surely, my mother does not and claims that anyone who cannot hold down a job must be useless and a waste of space. She's pushing me even more now, making me feel guilty all the time. I wish she'd see something special in me instead, and pay me some attention.

She makes me want to ***** myself up even more right under her nose, just to test how long it'll take her to realise that i'm not alright.

I hope I don't sound too harsh when I say that you can't count on your mother to sort you out and make you better -- and intentionally making things worse to get her attention will just mess up the situation even more. You say that you can't hack it at work; well it sounds like your mom can't hack it with you. It doesn't make her a terrible person or anything, she just doesn't know how to give you the help you need.

I've read through some of your posts, but I couldn't tell if you're seeing a counsellor or a therapist. Are you? I think you might find that helpful. Hang in there.

My mother is a bit like that. She says she is just worried and actually it might be partly true. She has married young and is not used to the way people build a career nowadays (she had the same job for 30 years).
I also feel that she doesn't think I am special. Maybe mothers have to be extra critical. It is their job. I don't know. She means well. So might your mother.
But you need your own space, your own life nevertheless.