[BlueFaith]

...are so mean to me. Seriously. If something is wrong with me, they really don't care. I mean really. They get mad at me of I have a problem. If I call and talk to my mom about it and it upsets her, then my dad gets angry with me because I upset her with my problem. THEN he calls me and screams and yells, and that just makes me feel worse. I can't talk to them at all. They just don't care what my problems are. How can parents be like that??!!?!?!?! GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So now I am sitting here crying because they are mean to me. I've spent my entire life trying to please them and make them like me, and I am so tired of doing that. They don't treat my 2 sisters like this. I think I will just stop trying with them. My life would be so much better if I didn't have to worry about it all.

((((((((mentalpollution))))))))
You deserve better then that. Is there somebody else in your family that you can turn to?

[BlueFaith]

I have no one in my family that I can turn to. I am so torn up right now. It's terrible to be me...

[wisewoman]

Parents can be odd ducks. Get yourself a family of choice and luv them to pieces. You deserve it.

[BlueFaith]

When I said I have no one I meant that in reference to my parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, etc... I DO have my own family though. I have a husband that loves me dearly. And I know I am not completely alone. But it's just hard when my own parents seem to not care. Thank God for Devin (my hubby).

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((((mentalpollution)))))))))))))))))))))

i so understand. i'm sorry that you're always feeling targeting and come away wanting more.

i had to put distance in there for my own mental health and healing. i wish more for you.

be safe,

kd

[Myzen]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
MentalPollution said:
When I said I have no one I meant that in reference to my parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, etc... I DO have my own family though. I have a husband that loves me dearly. And I know I am not completely alone. But it's just hard when my own parents seem to not care. Thank God for Devin (my hubby).

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Hi MP,

As folks here know that was my situation as well. I believe that we try to go back there for comfort because we didn't get it in the first place.

I am so glad that you have your hubby with you, and there are many others in the world who care. This is an all too common sadness.

Something I have managed to learn. Someone who cares for you now is every bit as good as someone who rejects you - we have to turn our attention towards the love and away from the hurt. It's hard, but we have to do it.

Good thoughts, M

[willsterino]

I left my parents, i thought, i you can divorce a husband/wife then i can divorce my parents, it doesn't mean that they disapear out of my head, i have mental arguments with my mother, but usually it's because some thing has triggered of the unfairness of their stance in the hear and now, so i have a row, i've even been known to row into a tape just to really get it off my chest and it passes and i get on with my life.

just because they gave birth to you, doesn't mean you owe them anything, especially if they are not willing to treat you right. what i'm saying you have choices, but if you do take the step to leave them, make sure you have some other support elsewhere, xmas time is my worse time, it's real co-incidence that i've joined now, i guess. and i feel like an orphan, but i keep working it through and slowly but slowly, they become less important. find others to give you what you want from them. and try and find a way that you can give yourself what you want from yourself.

i want validation from mine, that my feelings as a child and now are real and that they were abusive to me, they won't give me this, so i have found this validation from elsewhere and eventually i am able to validate my own truth. it took time. it was worth it.

take care. my thoughts are with you. i can really relate, cos i still feel anger, but it is sparodic and i just don't engage with them.

i haven't seen my parents since 1997, we did xmas cards and birthday cards sparodically until about 3 years ago. it is not easy, but it is not hard either.

Willsterino <font color="#880000"> </font>

[sara1010]

[If something is wrong with me, they really don't care. I mean really. They get mad at me of I have a problem. If I call and talk to my mom about it and it upsets her, then my dad gets angry with me because I upset her with my problem.]

I suggest you stop telling them your problems then. It is futile to make them care about you. They didn't care when you were a child, so what makes you think they will do so now? I'm not saying this to be mean or rude, but I've been there with a mother who even today tries to slam me every chance she gets. I am fortunate that she lives 1000's of miles away and we talk by telephone only. I haven't seen her for like 12 years, and totally happy with that.

Your only concern is your own family, hubby and kids, and making sure they aren't exposed to the hell you were.

I'm not sure how many of you folks on this board read the resource articles, but I found the book that with repeated readings will prove to be my saving grace. Dr Missildine's 'Your Inner Child of the Past. I would suggest you get this from say, Amazon.com, it's cheap, because it's older, but I was reading an article in The Observer (UK) about teen mothers/parents, raising aggressive children. It ties in the the thinking of Dr Missildine and how we react to abuse, whether it looks like it or not from the outside. If we experience a loveless childhood, we grow into adults unable to cope with life in a healthy way.

[BlueFaith]

I think that's alot of my problem. I feel that I owe them something. When you're brought up to feel that, it's really hard getting away from it. My sense of what's normal is way off. They were my world for 17 years, and they taught me their version of what normal is. I'm just now learning that it's not really normal at all. Making people feel like crap and turning them into your personal verbal punching bag is not normal. It's something that I do not have to put up with. I am taking baby steps when it comes to getting myself away from my parents. I'm starting off with this... when they call me I'll only answer the phone if I want to. And, if I don't feel like it, I don't. My T said this to me about my parents: "If they get mad at you and decide not to talk to you for the next 5 years, that will be the best thing for you. It may be sad, but it's the truth." Those are strong words. I am starting to believe them. The natural thing for me to do was to call my mom if I needed to talk to someone about a problem, even though I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that she would do nothing but hurt me with her words. I just don't tell her anything lately. That's when she starts calling 20 times a day wondering why I haven't called her. It's like she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong at all. It has become normal to her. That's sad.

[Overcastbutclearing]

JENZ....
I am sorry that things are tense with you and your parents.
We have so much in common.
Being a lesbian has not been easy in life...especially with my very religious parents.
I have never felt loved by my Mom. I can never please her.
I am 36 and still try...although I think it is futile.
(((Jennifer)))