[melamela22]

Hello,

I have been studying abroad in Europe for 2 months and have 8 weeks left before returning home to America. I have a boyfriend back home whom I've been officially dating since April. It was a complicated relationship for 2 years because my family did not approve of me dating him, simply because he is not of our faith (I'm 22). However, I'm with him now with my family's reluctant approval. I'm feeling so strained by the distance right now, despite the fact that we talk everyday. I feel like I need him to constantly reassure me of his feelings for me and to tell me that I'm pretty and those other things that make me feel good about myself. I have always had low self-esteem and it is affecting me greatly. I have a very serious, hard exterior so people actually think I'm very stuck up, which is far from the truth. I would like to kno how I can deal with my self-esteem problems; I had been in therapy for almost a year until leaving for Europe and have not had any contact with my therapist at home since both of us agreed that I was done with it. However my self-esteem problems have not "disappeared"; I feel like they have gotten worse.

I can't even see or know that my boyfriend has female friends without feeling extremely insecure and desperate to impress him, which is ridiculous given that he hasn't given me a reason to feel this way until recently. We are both virgins and I think he's getting very sexually frustrated. He told me he could not guarantee that he would not cheat on me if he was drunk, which was terrible. Almost immediately after he made that comment he apologized profusely and continues to apologize. I accepted his apology and came to the realization that I feel like I CANNOT be without him. I think that even if he did cheat on me I would take it. I don't feel like I'm ready to have sex yet even at 22 years old, but I'm going to do it as soon as I get home because I really don't want to lose him or risk being cheated on. This is why I feel like I'm probably just really emotionally dependent on him and need him to make me feel good about myself with the things he tells me.

What can I do about my situation? How can I see if I really am just emotionally dependent on him or if I'm in love? I feel extremely happy when I'm with him or talking to him, but when I'm not I'm constantly obsessing about him talking to other girls and I find myself fantasizing about him cheating on me, which makes me feel horrible and anxious to talk to him.

Thank you for reading and for any advice.

[Typo]

((((((((((mela mela))))))))))))))

Please don't let your bf pressure you into having sex when you aren't ready

He shouldn't say he would cheat on you if he got drunk, that is a major red flag and you deserve a partner that will respect you and your wishes.

Sex is an emotional and physical act. I waited till I was 21 and felt very safe with my bf before I gave him my virginity. It changed the relationship because having sex with someone gives you an emotional attachment and sometimes you can feel a bit vulnerable afterwords. Because I trusted my bf and I know he would never hurt me it made our relationship stronger. I really would be weary on having a sexual relationship with this guy, it doesn't sound like he is very respectful of your wishes.

You deserve the best and you don't deserve somene that would cheat on you. You can be without him. I put myself in a situation before being with my current bf that I felt I had to be with my ex, I though I couldn't be without him. He was a very toxic person and he did more damage to my self esteem than anything else. That was something I couldn't see until I made the stand to cut contact with him. And when I did I was a happier healthier person that realized I can be independent and I deserved to be with someone that would respect me and my beliefs. I had to work on myself for awhile before I could be in another relationship and I am grateful I did, I now have a happy healthy and loving relationship with a man that respects me and loves me for who I am and I know would never betray my trust.

You are young and there is plenty of time to find someone that will treat you like the wonderful person you are and you deserve to be treated like. It sounds like you are a very smart girl and have a very bright future.

Wishing you the best and pm anytime you need to talk
Typo