[cutebagaddict08]

Hi guys-Wondering if anyone has experience with this or advice? I have a best friend, who I've know for probally 22yrs now. She moved out of state about 13 yrs ago while we were in high school, but we still remained close through weekly calls, she flew in by herself (b/c her 'date' bailed on her last minute) to be a bridesmaid in my wedding 2 yrs ago, etc. I have very glad we have been able to keep our friendship going so long, but sometimes I feel she is way to opinionated and just makes me feel worse about an already stressful issues for me. Since I've met her she's always been very opinionated and usually I can just listen to her talk. But lately I feel like she's trying to be my 'counselor' and force opinions down my throat, instead of being my friend. and some of the comments she makes I wonder how she can be a counselor.....like very bitter comments, almost like there's a tinge of jealosy going on, it's very weird. (I don't even really talk to her anymore about 'marriage' issues because of it. I've talked to my mom about it because she's known her since she was little also. My mom used to be friends with her mom, and had to leave the friendship for this same reason. My mom couldn't believe the comments she's made either to me about 'marriage' stuff.) When I do feel hurt with her comments I usally just keep my distance for a week or so, I've done this a few times in the past, she's never noticed or at least doesn't say anything to me. Taking 'breaks' from our friendship has worked in the past, it gives me time to cool off without her knowing I guess. I value our friendship but I don't want opinions forced down my throat.
(Anyways, my friend is a conselor and works with patients in correction facilities.)
Thanks!

[eskielover]

We have a lady who moved into our community the same time I did who used to work in a correctional facility & she is rude & blunt in her interaction with others. Most people who have gotten to know her have since cut off their friendship to her. Rather sad situation as she just doesn't get that her personality is the problem.

Sounds like with her mother being the same way, it's a learned behavior & she probably doesn't know that there's anything wrong with what she is doing & if no one steps up & expresses that there is a problem with what she is saying then how is she going to learn that what she says can bother others?

Does your friend try to hold you accountable for following her opinions or are they just opinions that she keeps throwing out? Everyone is entitled to have their opinions.....whether we choose to blow them off or listen to them is our own issue. If the opinions are a personal attack on what we are doing or only opinionated beliefs she holds onto is another issue. If they are personal attacks on what is going on in your life, then sometimes listening & possibly getting something out of what is said isn't always a bad learning tool that there are other ways of looking at things.....but if the attacks are just blatantly rude & continually incorrect, then expressing in a very diplomatic way what you are having problems with is a good way for her to learn that she needs to be more sensitive to others & that her opinion isn't always appropriate.

It's a tough situation to be in.....but the bottom line is that if you have tried everything you possibly can to resolve the situation, they you may have to do like your mother did & break off the contact with her.....sad that she wouldn't bother to care to make the friendship work either. I really think that communication with people like that is important otherwise they just keep wondering why people don't ever stay friends with them & they continually put the blame on others rather than realizing that they are a part of why the friendships continually fail.

[cutebagaddict08]

Sometimes I can tell my friend is trying to help me by giving her opinions.
The only times I think it's a personal attack on me is when I would talk to her about an issue I am having with my husbandmarriage.....like I have a 'low sex drive' (due to medical issues mainly) and she's one of the few people I trust with this issue, and she basically told me that if a wife doesn't give a husband want he "wants" he will look elsewhere at some point in the future. (My mom and another best friend were appauled (and I was) that she had the guts to say this to me. This was one of the times I kept my distance for about 2 weeks, telling her I was busy and couldn't talk.) My friend is not married, and had not had the best experience with relationships.

Hello, cutebagaddict08. Perhaps you might find something useful here:

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/creat...oundaries.html

[Can't Stop Crying]

Sometimes when I get comments like that, I just say WOW! and leave it at that. Maybe she's not aware of her lack of tact?
BTW - one of my biggest frustrations is people giving advice on something they've never experienced. ie unmarried people giving marriage advice...uugh

[Perna]

I think you have to tell her how you feel. If she gets no feedback from you, she can't know she is hurting you or making you angry. That's part of what feeling angry is for, to let you know to tell the other person they need to back off, that you feel they are crossing your boundaries.