[lxegirl]

i'm 16, and i have been depressed for over a year now, and it hasn't gone away. My mom doesnt get it AT ALL. Me and my mom used to go to school late so we could go to breakfast and talk, go to the gym together, come to work just to chill out, watch movies together...now nothing. first my mom was okay with it, then she just went into denial saying she didn't want to deal with me anymore. She wanted me to stop taking meds, she wanted me to stop going to the therapist, she wanted me to do counseling with my church pastor. i've done all of that, and i still dont feel better. She used to whine about how i'm depressed because i'm "up in my room all the time", and i stopped doing that. now she doesnt even care. We dont go to the gym anymore, we don't go out to dinner anymore, its like i'm not her daughter anymore, unless something goes wrong then i'm the one to blame. She's always working or out with her boyfriend, rather than actually taking care of her children. I tell her how i feel about her never being home and leaving all the responsibility to me and how it makes me more depressed, she just gets mad. What can i do to make her like me again?

[SmackytheFrog]

I don't know what to say. But be strong girl

[eskielover]

Honestly, I don't think that your mother doesn't like you......she probably really does LOVE you, but sounds like she's pretty overstressed & wrapped up in herself at this time. When a parent's in that mode, it has nothing to do with their liking or dis-liking you

So often as adults, we make poor choices in our lives based on what we believe we need to do to make ourselves feel better without taking our childrens needs into consideration when we are in the middle of stressful things in our life.

Sadly, most of those choices started long before the children were even born. Choice of who we marry is key to a successful marriage. Unsuccessful marriage places more pressure on the amount of working that is necessary to keep bills paid. The choice of amount of time she spends with her BF rather than children is a conscious choice, probably trying to make herself feel better about the whole situation she's in, or maybe trying to have a relationship work that might land her back in a more stable financial situation......whatever the choices she's making right now, it seems they are based on her feeling overstressed with the situation she has found her life in right now.

That has absolutely NOTHING to do with you. Sadly, the choices we make for our own lives when we are feeling messed up, don't always take the feelings of our innocent children into consideration.....the worst part is that the children put the blame on themselves for something they have absolutely no responsibility for & no control over & aren't even the reason why the parent is having problems in the first place & sadly, there is NOTHING they can do to fix the parents problem....& yet children feel the more responsibility for how the parent is feeling than the parent feels responsibility for how their children are feeling in situations like you are describing.

Then when the children get older & into therapy.....there becomes the realization of the neglect that occurred during our childhood from our parent(s) not being there for us when we needed them to care.

Basically, the only thing you really can to is NOT put the weight of fixing the problem (making her like you again...which really isn't what is going on here).

Praying that your situation will change & your mother will come to the realization of how she is effecting you & all her children.

[Leed]

Hi sweetie ~ I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I hated my teenage years. I'd never go back to those years for all the tea in China.

It sounds like your Mom is pretty busy with her boyfriend, huh? I think she's so wrapped up in her new life, that she's forgotten that she's a Mother. And NO, that's not fair -- she shouldn't put the responsibility on your kids. Sometimes parents really screw up ~ they all of a sudden get really selfish ~ sometimes they realize it, and sometimes they don't.

Is there anyway you can have a QUIET, CALM sit-down talk with your Mom and tell her that you miss her? Tell her that you still feel depressed, and that you had to write to us here for advice? You could tell her how much you enjoyed the times you used to spend together - and you want to do it again. Just tell her exactly how you feel, but without RAISING your voice. Be sincere & loving. I don't see how she could deny you.

Best of luck hon, and please let us know how you come out. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[lxegirl]

its really hard for me not to yell....its very upsetting, and i'm very emotional. She denys me all the time...but thanks