[20BammBamm12]

I've caught him looking at porn twice.. and ever since then, I feel like hes CONSTANTLY cheating on me.. I just can't trust him.. /: Any advice?

[Leed]

Hi ~ What's the big deal about looking at porn? He's not going out on you. He's not doing anything with anyone else. He has NOT cheated. Guys have been looking at Playboy ever since it first was published ~ and women didn't divorce their husbands over it.

There are magazines for women too -- guys don't seem to mind if women look at them. I sure don't like them, but some women do.

Looking at the pictures is a whole lot better than going out and looking at the real thing!!

Maybe I'm an idiot, but I don't see anything so horrible about it. If it keeps them at home, I say let him do it. Hugs, Lee

[krisakira]

i look at porn and my boyfriend doesnt care... i wouldnt care if he looked at porn either but i would wonder why he didnt want to do things with me instead. (he has a very low sex drive and i am a young rabbit and get bored while he is at work). Does he look at it while you are available, or while he is all alone and cant have fun with you? cause if you were perfectly willing and available, and he still went for the porn anyway, then that might be a problem...

[salukigirl]

I don't understand why it's a big deal that he looks at porn. Studies show that masturbating and watching porn (not excessively of course) is actually healthy for a relationship!

Not to be harsh but it sounds like the issues are with you and your insecurity. Why not try and turn this into a fun, relationship experience? I told my bf that it kind of bothered me him watching other girls in videos....so he asked for pics of me. This way it's healthy for him and having a fantasy life but doesn't hurt my feelings. And I know he still looks at other girls but I'm definitely guilty of thinking about other guys.

I really think this is a mole hill being made into a mountain and a simple open conversation should settle it. It's totally normal for a guy to want to look at naked women and I don't want him to feel guilty for a natural thing.

Welcome to the Community, 20BammBamm12.

http://marriage.about.com/cs/pornogr...ornography.htm
http://marriage.about.com/b/2007/11/...d-marriage.htm

[thine_self_untrue]

To me, your thread did not appear to be asking if your bf looking at porn was a bad thing, but rather saying that it did indeed bother you. Trust is essential for a relationship to exist. If you feel this way, you are unhappy and to my mind, that is a problem wheter or not porn is objectively good, bad or neutral in a relationship. Have you tried talking to him about it? Telling him how you feel? Communication and trust go hand in hand- if it's this big secret and you feel ignored and like he's cheating on you than the relationship sounds really miserable and not worth staying in.
Just my two cents worth...

[jenkins09]

The big deal is that it apparently bothers her, and that is OKAY. You don't have to accept that from him. Let him know exactly how you feel, be very specific and hold nothing back. Men are visual and I don't know if he will quit, but I know many men who have had major relationship issues because of the fantasy of pornography.

Just because others on here minimize it doesn't mean that you should. We all have the right to ask for what we want and need from our partner, it is then up to them to decide. Good luck.

[salukigirl]

I'm sorry if it came across as minimizing. I'll rephrase. Mine comes from personal experience and I know that me not liking porn went hand in hand with my insecurities.

If you come to the realization that it's not you and you just don't appreciate it, then you need to find a guy who feels the same. We all have our own morals and beliefs which make us okay with certain things and not okay with others. The key is to find someone who agrees with you on these morals. OR if you find that these disagreements to be tolerable then there's no reason to worry.

For you it sounds like it's not tolerable. But what I meant is that, a lot of times, these feelings come through by insecurities or bad feelings toward yourself. And, if that's the case, I would hate to have a guy, performing a natural and perfectly healthy act, feeling guilty over something he shouldn't feel guilty about.

Just like you shouldn't have to deal with things you aren't comfortable with, he shouldn't have to hold himself back or change himself over something he doesn't see as a big deal. So before anything goes further, I suggest a good, open, honest talk and a good, hard look at yourself to see where these feelings are coming from. Just my opinion.

Slap me ...but,

If two adults agree with whatever they are doing within their bond...it's one thing.

Of course it doesn't help my views that my entire marriage husband turns his head to every women....looks at everything which is remotely seductive like roger rabbit.

Maybe if my marriage didn't contain all of the other context existing atm I may not be disheartened?I dunno.

He just makes me feel as if I'm not enough but,of course he proved that to me in a thousand flavors.Which is why I am now moving on. Because he makes how I feel seem inconsequential.

In a relationship...where the words..."I care deeply for you" or "I love you" are being spoken....it matters...how you impact your mate.When you love a man...or a woman...you consider their entrusted beating heart.

Of course he and I are two completely separate creatures.I'd have loved him with no limbs...no job...nothing but his heart.I apparently don't carry the same value.I have to be 120lbs....and as perfect as possible.So I barely eat.

But,whatever...I am over it.I keep trying to conjure the love...it is vanished.

Sorry to put my stuff here...but,it just bugged me.I don't even think it'd annoy me that he checks out girls if I knew I was of value to him.Hell I think girls are hot too,but prior to mid-last year...after being married since 1989...it never even crossed my mind to think outside my vows.

He on the other hand had an emotional affair with my pastors daughter in 2000....and from that point...has become a monster in a million ways while I tried to be the glue holding us together.

I had never been insecure before 2000,he taught me to be insecure...with him........and yeah...a guy shouldn't have to hold himself back from doing whatever he wants....as far as "finding someone who agrees with you on these morals"...I thought I did for 11 years.

Once I had a brain injury...he went to town doing what he wanted ...when ever the notion struck him,because he knew he could.Did what he wanted to me...and with the rest of his life,and to my kids.

So yeh...

after 22 years.....I WILL go find a guy with the same morals and values as me,I am worth it,I will make a fine life-mate to a man with honor....and frankly...I hope he finds someone with the same morals and values as his.

What goes around,comes around.
~De nihilo nihil....or Nothing comes from nothing.

My $00.02

[salukigirl]

I'm so glad you said "I am worth it". Too often women (and men) stay in mentally or physically abusive relationships because they don't think they deserve any better.

I'm sorry he has done all this to you. Sure all guys look at other girls but it shouldn't be to the extent that you don't feel wanted or attractive. I'm happy you are realizing your worth.

Thank you.

Originally Posted by 20BammBamm12

I've caught him looking at porn twice.. and ever since then, I feel like hes CONSTANTLY cheating on me.. I just can't trust him.. /: Any advice?

Does your boyfriend know it bothers you that he does this?

Have you talked about why he looks at porn?

Why does it bother you?

I think that's probably more of what you were looking for....

Even the most sexually satisfied man will look at it...they just do...it satisfies their visual stimulation center....it's just how they are...

I think by telling him it bothers you you can get it out in the open, but it won't make him stop, it will just make sure he does it when he can't get caught.

Is that right?

[keljt1127]

Originally Posted by 20BammBamm12

I've caught him looking at porn twice.. and ever since then, I feel like hes CONSTANTLY cheating on me.. I just can't trust him.. /: Any advice?

Hi my boyfriend watches porn to..... every night before he goes to sleep when " i cant do it for him".

It makes me upset but a lot of men do it! So that makes me feel somewhat better.

I hate it though! it is like he is looking at other woman and getting turned on by other naked woman.

[ChipmunkGal]

Pornography destroys relationships. I could write for hours about this (how and why). My husband had (possibly still has) a pornography addiction that has ruined our lives and our relationship. Its to the point where he cannot maintain an erection during sex now (when we rarely have it) and I go into a panic attack with the memories of what his porn habits did to us. This has been a nightmare. Pornography destroys intimacy and destroys trust. It is objectifying to women and demeaning to all parties involved. I can say without a doubt, it was easier being in a relationship with my alcoholic ex than it is with my current partner (because of the porn). My heart goes out to all women and men who are in relationships with people who are addicted or obsessed with pornography. I feel your pain. <<<hugs>>> and love