[pallycoo]

So ive made two other threads about my husband and trying to figure out his behavior. Turns out this is all my fault. I messed up majorly and i thought we had gotten past it but i guess i was wrong. What i did makes me seem like a crazy person but at the time i was very depressed and desperate. Its not something i normally would have done. Please dont judge me, i know its messed up. Its one of the few things i regret.

Before DH and i got married we hit a rough patch and he broke up with me. Things at work were stressing him and it caused issues at home. I was forced to leave my home and the man i loved dearly. And i knew he loved me back but he wouldnt stay with me. He wouldnt be honest with how he was feeling. I could tell he was hurting and i just wanted to make things better. I made a fake profile of a girl and started talking to him. Yes i know this was deceitful and just wrong. It was the wrong thing done for the right reasons. And it was helping so i felt like i couldnt stop. I got him to open up to this person and in the end "she" helped pull his head out of his ***. And he asked me to come home. We worked things out and i was able to move on from the past and the hurt he caused me. But what i did was eating at me. I highly value honesty in a relationship and i am a terrible liar. I had never, never lied to him or went behind his back. He could tell something was wrong but he let me tell him on my own time and I did. He had said that had actually went through his mind and although it pissed him off he could see that i did it because i loved him so much. everything was fine, nothing changed. Now over a month later he says this is the reason he is being like he is. that he is very frustrated and is trying to sort things out in his head and when he does we will talk. this scares me so much because it sounds like "i am trying to decide if i want a divorce and when i do decide i'll let you know"

He says he doesnt believe me when i say i trust him. and in the same breath says but its whatever i dont even care anymore. And now he doesnt trust me. He says it makes him question my honesty to him. I understand this, but i did not do this to purposely and harmfully decieve him. I just wanted him to get better, us to get better. I dont want to lose my marriage over this. I have apologized and said i was wrong. I moved on from his dishonesty and wrong doings. it was hard but i was able to put the past behind me.

i have never done anything to deceive him before and this kills me. i feel like there is no penance, except to lose him. I just want to save my marriage.

Please be easy with your comments....i am torn up about this severly. I know it was wrong and messed up. I'd never done anything like that before.

(((((((((Pallycoo)))))))You hurt,are afraid,are just a human trying to save something she loves.I would strongly discourage you ,of course,from ever doing this again...because it could have ended up that you'd been hurt from what you found.Well...you now see the outcome.I certainly hope that the outcome on this serves to bring you both to a healing and reconciliation...and a prompt to really begin to talk.What else can anyone say?I see you hurt...I am sorry darling....(((((Huggs you)))))).....Wolf

[Leed]

Bless your heart ~ I honestly don't see what is so terribly wrong. It all turned out ok ~ why is he making such a big deal out of it?? You confessed to him and came clean and apologized to him -- what MORE does he want?? Blood?? You've never done anything like this before and i believe you when you say you'll never do it again. I'm sure HE has done things that HE needed forgiveness for -- but you aren't making him crawl for forgiveness -- I don't see why he's making it so HARD for you.

Maybe you're finally getting to know the REAL DH. Maybe he's hidden what he's REALLY like from you. Perhaps he's really a resentful, revengeful bum?!!! You just never know. I wouldn't crawl for him -- I wouldn't lose my dignity and go crawling back to him and BEG him to take me back. HE's done stuff too, but you forgave him. Now it's his turn. Stay strong sweetie. You've apologized enough. Now it's HIS move. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[salukigirl]

Did he say or do anything while talking to this "other woman"? Maybe he opened up about things bc anonymity makes that much easier and these are things he wouldn't have said to you and now he is embarrassed? If that is the case, I would understand his embarrassment. But on the other hand....I'd be worried that he has all these things he couldn't open up about to his own wife!

I'm not sure how I would feel if I had broken up with my bf and he did that...I'd probably be pretty peeved too. And maybe he really DID think he was over it but isn't? That I have done before. Said it was okay, and really truly felt that it was - then over the next weeks realized that it really still did bother me.

Either way you need to have an open talk with him. But, keep in mind, if he isn't ready and you keep pushing - it will only make the situation worse and you will push him away even more. He gave you your time to be honest, you have to do the same with him. Hope everything turns out okay...