i need someones help please

I seem to say the wrong thing or do something that gets people to stop talking to me on the internet. And i dont know what im doing wrong. And i have NO friends in real life but my partner and he has NO friends in real life either. What would be really cool is if someone, anyone can private message back and forth with questions about communcating with humans. I need someone who has at least a few friends in real life and have had tham for a while. Im really feeling like giving up and i dont want to. I may seem totaly normal at first but there may be a point when i dont and i need to know when and how i cross that line.

I think it is too hard to compare and contrast talking to people on the internet with having friends in real life? In real life there are faces to read and tones of voice, etc. as to why someone won't continue to talk to us/befriend us but on the internet there's none of that. I always write really long, involved posts and emails and, eventually, I suspect people get worn down by all that, all the reading? That doesn't mean they don't like me (or even that I should write less :-) but when one doesn't get responses as one "thinks" one should or would like, it's easy to equate other's needs of the moment as being comments about one's self?

You ask for PMs back and forth but often people don't have the time/inclination to spend that kind of time online with one "thing". Say it takes me 5 minutes to write this post; I only have a certain amount of time online or that I want to spend in any one "place" and if, every day, I were to come here, felt I had to talk to this one person before I could do anything else, that could feel burdensome over time. If I lose interest in this site for awhile or just change the percentage of time I spend here; I wouldn't be able to read very much and write to others, etc.

Where do you go to meet people in real life? Do you belong to interest groups or go to school/classes or anything? Most of my friends are long distance to me and I only see them once in a while. Friends in real life are both easier and harder to keep up with because if one makes a good friend and has a good relationship, one can just know that in the back of one's mind. I have a good friend who I no longer see and only occasionally "talk to" on Facebook. We were real life friends for 10-15 years and that carries us forward. I "know" her so know if I had to, I could call/write/contact her in reality and she'd be here for me. Most of my real life friends are that way (and many of my relatives).

The internet is more casual for friendships. I use it to keep in touch with the "real" friends and relatives I have. How long an internet friendship lasts is much less too because usually the "interest" that sparks it can die out in one or another of the people. I go to several other sites each day besides this one and I have several sites of my own and "work" on the Internet. I have maybe 50 "acquaintances" that I became friendly with for a brief while and still have their addresses but only 3-5 I am "friends" with and correspond with more often.

I don't think one can stay "interested" in any one subject on the Internet. The subjects are either too big or too small. Think about this site and the variety which works against maintaining intensity in any one aspect but then think of this post and how after two or three exchanges it might be finished.

Some of your problem may just be in not recognizing the ebb and flow of your and others' interests?

Very good post Perna. It explains a lot, and answers a lot of my questions also.

May I suggest that you send a message...write just one...to anyone here in the site...asking ..."I won't be offended by your reply,but be a little gentle...what ,if anything might be causing others to cease chatting me?Can you think of anything I could do different?You can send the message out to multiple users in p.c who have experienced interaction with you.....some may reply...some may not.How's that sound?

idk what else to suggest really

Meantime...realize that life occurs in cycles...there are times when our interactions flourish...and then things go stagnant...but,it'll switch again.

just know,that you are as valuable as anyone else...and things will 'pick-up'

WO.olf

i dont meet people in real life. this is my only contacxt with the outside world. I dont think my therapist counts. Or asking the grocerie clerk if there is any milk in stock counts as being social. This is happening on other websites as well. its like everyone is catching on to my loserness.

But you chat with people in psych central right?...That's what I meant.Think of all the people you have 'chatted here...and ask them if they've ideas of things for you to be aware of...like by thier experience.

I agree with Perna & Wolfsong. This does not mean that you are alone. Reaching out is hard, but sometimes you (I) need to be the first one to do it. You are valuable. Maybe look at some of the other threads that apply to you and start posting there.

Hi Thomas67 - I haven't met you before but I would be happy to speak to you. I've had good luck with friends here and only a couple problems but that's normal. I agree with all the other posts. I can't tell if there's anything specifically wrong with your communication style since I haven't talked to you. I do appreciate the friends I have here.

Do you have social anxiety or introverted in real life? Would you like to meet more people IRL? Maybe you can try volunteering - there's less pressure because you all have the same interest in common. I would be happy to communicate with you. Don't put too much importance on internet connections because they tend to be unpredictable sometimes and don't take it personal when it doesn't work out - it might not be you at all. I hope this makes you feel better.

Good bye. this forum is too unfrienly for me.

Did we do something wrong thomas?I really was trying to help...what has happened hun?

I'm sorry. I was trying to help too. Please tell us what we did wrong.

Thomas, I checked out your member page and there is nothing to go on, I don't know how old you are and what your life is like, only that you are alone, lonely.

Hey, come back, talk. You can work this out, maybe you bumped into the wrong people here, there are great, friendly, helpful, understanding, people here, others like you that are working on learning how to reach out. We are not ignoring you but you have to come and talk to us so we can help you Thomas. Don't give up, that should never be an option, give us a chance here. Give yourself a chance here, this is a very good place to start Thomas, and learn Thomas, give it a chance, give YOU a chance.

Look we are here, waiting, we have lots of hugs and I help you's here.

Open Eyes

O dam...he removed his acct. ughhh....I feel like crying.Crap

We were all trying to help and give suggestions. I know its hard, but we all have to try to not take it personally that he removed his account.

Hugs to Wolfsong.