[justmiserable]

i feel so badly! my significant other of 16 years had a 6 month affair that ended with his gf calling me & telling me specific & explicit details of their relationship. i kicked him out (2 whole days!!!) then he came home because our son was missing him (as was i) and since then he appears to be a completely different person! he's very attentive, sensitive, and thoughtful. he does things for me he hadn't done previously. i love him madly but i just cannot bring myself to trust him nor let my guard down. my weight has skyrocketed by 50lbs. i have constant visions of him with this unattractive woman ho said to me "maybe he can spend more time taking care of you & your children and spend less time loving ME since i'm letting him go!" i can never seem to forget the cold words she said to me- there were so many!! i didn't understand her hostility towards me, i was the victim!! why can't i forgive him nor forget HER?? i need help because no matter how good he is to me NOW i cannot get what he did THEN! the biggest part of the problem is that it's been over a YEAR & he's been (as far as i know) a perfect angel!! :confused,::mad,:

Hello, justmiserable. Welcome to the Community. Do you think some therapy may help you through the trust issues?

[sabby]

Welcome justmiserable,

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this kind of issue. Once a trust is broken by a spouse, it's extremely hard to get it back again. No matter how much you want to trust, if the situation isn't dealt with and discussed, it just sits around and stews for a long time.

TheByz asked a good question about some therapy to help you and your husband to work through the trust issue. I wish you well and hope you can work through this soon.

Take good care!

[DivorcedWoman]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. My mother-in-law found out her husband had a 10 year affair with another woman. She was a wreck of course but she made up her mind that she loved him, wanted him back and forgave him.

I don't know if they went to couples counseling or anything but I definitely agree with the previous posts that counseling maybe for you individually and together as a couple will help you get through this hurdle and help you make a decision one way or another.

If you do love him, which from your post you do, and can forgive him at some point I think it's worth it to work on the relationship. Divorce is horrible. I went through a horrible divorce and custody battle and it isn't fun at all. Since you have a child, you will continue to have constant contact with your husband if you do go the divorce route so you will have a realtionship with him forever so ending it won't complete cut the ties if that's what you are feeling you want to do.