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#1
Apr 22, 2011, 08:18 AM
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My friend introduced me to his brother shortly after his brother moved back to the area. We have been talking about a week. He is a nice polite man.
Now comes the part makes me feel terrible. He and his brother are twin not an issue in itself but come to find out they sometimes "share" gf. And currently are. He is not sexual with her and only talks to her. Part of My issue is now I can't be interested in anything more than friends where before I was developing a smaLl crush. He says he likes me and I will probably continue to talk as friends. The issue is me being second fiddle so to speak. Even in normal situations I am second choice or not a choice. I am a smart beautiful woman they all tell me that. Why am I never first choice I know I am worth it. I know I won't wait for someone to "pick" me after things don't work out. That's not cool. I guess wondering what I am doing that makes me a backup. |
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#2
Apr 22, 2011, 12:47 PM
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Wait a minute, bridgie, it sounds like you are the only one that is making you second choice? Because you like this guy does not mean he has to like/not like you; you are not second choice to anyone, it's that he already is in a relationship (a very odd one if you ask me)? Go find someone that is not in a relationship and that wants to relate to you in the way you want to relate to them?
__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
 bridgie
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#3
Apr 23, 2011, 08:26 AM
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I offer you my perspective. Sometimes men will tell a woman stuff in an effort to control the course of the relationship. A man might indicate in several ways how the woman is not so very important to him, but he'll keep her dangling, because he does enjoy her company, but he isn't ready or willing or able to commit. I think some men are just a little clueless, some are more into flirting and the chase than a steady relationship, and some are just devious users. What is important for you is this: what do you want? If you want a man who wants only one woman, who wants to commit, who is and will be honest and forthright about his affection, don't settle for something else. I have no doubt that as a beautiful woman you will find plenty of men attracted to you; but you have already found out that attraction doesn't equal commitment. If you like talking to this man, there is nothing wrong with that. But if you want a committed relationship, you won't want to waste too much time with players. All of what I said is basically true of women too; I don't want to be sexist; so that if a man wants a woman who will commit to him, he won't chase after women who want to play the field.
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| bridgie
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#4
Apr 23, 2011, 10:23 AM
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Right on IceCreamKid....
And Perna is right - are you putting yourself in that place - you said you developed a crush, he said he likes you....but bridgie - do you want to be with someone who 'sometimes shares gfs with his brother"? that's kind of demeaning (in my opinion)... don't you want to be the one and only girl? |
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#5
Apr 23, 2011, 11:14 AM
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I don't think you should settle or be second fiddle to anyone. There are plenty of guys out there. I don't know how old you are but you mentioned that your are a beautiful woman. If you want a commited relationship, then this person isn't right for you.
I'm in love with my boyfriend, but we have different styles and different values so I may move on from the relationship. There are so many things to think of. If you do get more involved and emotionally tied to the situation it may be harder to get out or remove yourself from the situation later on. In my opinion this doesn't sound like an ideal situation for you and what you have to offer someone. |
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#6
Apr 23, 2011, 09:37 PM
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Quote:
__________________
How I long to be up rather than down, the eternal sorrow that I only escape for short periods. This must be how Persephone felt. "Sleep. Those little slices of Death. How I loathe them." Edgar Allan Poe Loving yourself must come first from there comes love for everything else. |
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#7
Apr 23, 2011, 09:43 PM
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very true i do want to be the only one i dont want to share or be shared. i dont get it but we do get along well so i think just chat as friends is good but anymore than that is a bad idea. and you right i put myself into the situation i have a choice to get out of it too.
whats funny is he understands my situation with the bipolar and all bcz his bro is and he gets alot of how to handle that stuff. thats the kind of person i need but i def dont know why they do what they do. i told him i could only talk thanx for all the responses
__________________
How I long to be up rather than down, the eternal sorrow that I only escape for short periods. This must be how Persephone felt. "Sleep. Those little slices of Death. How I loathe them." Edgar Allan Poe Loving yourself must come first from there comes love for everything else. |
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