Another visit from the married old flame...

I'm actually reluctant to post about this again. The old flame, grade school/high school/college and beyond sweetheart visited here again to finish the labor mediation work he does as an attorney. He's in Boston; I'm here in WV, and such a visit is rare, only three times now in 30 years.
I was actually dreading this visit from him, because after the last visit, I got all stirred up emotionally, and had to work on myself to get back to earth. We visited a museum together on Sunday afternoon, and then had dinner together Monday evening after his hearing. He came back over to my house for awhile after last night's dinner, and we had a frank discussion about our mutual attraction and love for each other, but I made it clear that I respect and honor his married status and that I intended to behave toward him as if his wife were present. At some point he began to cry! He shed tears for most of an hour while we talked. I can honestly say I've never had a man express such desire for me, much less shed tears. It's interesting, though, that I remained detached thru it all. I know his emotions were genuine, and not some act to seduce me, but I told him I had already had a lot of heartache in my life, as well as anxiety over men, and didn't want that to result from our contact, to which he agreed.
I have to say here that I am proud and a bit amazed at how well I controlled myself, and it wasn't even an effort on my part.
Today, I sent him a warm email reflecting our visit together, to which I received an impersonal response of only a couple of sentences, not acknowledging anything I had said in my message. Hmmm...I'm glad I acted in emotional self-preservation.
What do y'all think?
Seeker Patty

Wow Seeker. That is GREAT. Sounds like you handled that perfectly. I might borrow some of your lines, if you don't mind (about respecting/honoring his marriage and behave as if wife was there).

He was probably impersonal afterwards because he felt self-conscious. Is that how you took it?

I'm proud of you - brava!

OHHH Maybe I am a romantic nut but I would have not been so good YOURE a good person to do that.

Oh and as you asked I think he was hurt you didnt act on his feelings....thats why the email dis and maybe embarrassed......and I think you have a strong hide cause this man...well he cares for you

Yeah, she does have a strong hide. But I've fallen for the "oh boo hoo I'm married but our marriage is dead and still have strong feelings for you" trick and let me just say that in retrospect, I can see it was a TRICK! A TRICK, I tell you! And by that I don't mean that the men in these situations are malicious -- I believe that in many cases, their feelings are genuine -- but it's a trick in the sense that it leads nowhere and the person who ends up being the bad guy is the one who doesn't have a strong enough hide.

Seeker absolutely did the right thing. I'm never falling for that again! Wayyyyy too much drama!

Seeker,

You did good. It is great to have that much self control.....for many women, that may be the most difficult thing to do in their lives.....many women are suckers for the "sweet talkin guy".

I am glad to hear that you were taking care of yourself
Debbie

Seeker,

I agree. You handled this situation perfectly.


Huggles!!!!

Thanks, all of you for validating my actions in this matter. He actually did respond to my email in a similar warm and friendly manner, but it was substantially delayed by 7 hours. I suspect that his emails my have some sort of surveillance on them, but have no way of knowing this. All the more reason to take care in my statements to him.
I have always honored the institution of marriage, even my 20 year unhappy one, never being unfaithful once.
Thanks again, all dear friends for your responses.
Love,
Seeker Patty

Good job hun *Hugs* and stay strong!

Good for you seeker. I applaud your stance in regards to the total situation.

TGC

Thanks, Dottie! I'm 55, and tired of foolishness, I guess!
Seeker, Patty