[biblioknitter]

Is it normal that the guy I have been dating exclusively for 2.5 months takes hours to answer my texts? It really irritates me cause I know he is not at work now and I sent him a text and an hour later he still has not responded. I know part of it is me, but I wish he would not make me wait or better yet I wish he made more of an effort to communicate with me on a regular basis. I know he is really busy at the moment but when he takes forever to text me back or I don't hear from him for days it makes me feel very insignificant and wonder if this is a good match for me. Other times I feel like it is a healthy for me to date someone I only see a few times a week and other times it frustrates the hell out of me cause I want to see him more than he clearly wants to see me. Sometimes I wonder if there is someone out there who can love me the way I need to me loved? It does not help that it is that time of the month and I am getting a cold. I wish I could just be a normal secure person who was not bothered by stupid things like guys.

[missbelle]

2.5 months is a short, short time......sounds you want to control this person and not let the relationship flow naturally....

why does he have to immediately teXt you.?....maybe his life is busy, and full and he is not into all that texting...

You do not need to know where this guy is all the time or what he is doing..
.
Value yourself and realize you are a person that can be loved and cherished. When you feel that way, you won't worry so much if that text is there. Sometimes the journey towards self-esteem takes longer for some. We have a lot of baggage and old tapes playing sometimes.

These tapes can continue to play negative insulting things to us until we learn to turn them off. Sometimes that takes work on our part.

This guy might feel like there is big pressure on him to keep reassuring you and texting you. Boy is that stressful......need to let this go.....let him be..let things flow like a river...gently and without drama....work on YOU...take care of YOU...learn about YOU.....RELAX, FIND PEACE,

I might sound harsh a little but you are hurting yourself and this relationship....and if this does not work out, you will hurt the next, and the next, and the next until you figure out why you hurt so badly inside!....

We care here....all of us and want you to find the love you deserve but first work on YOU!!!

[missbelle]

p.s. glad to find another cat lover.....now there is unconditional love for sure!!!

[DivorcedWoman]

I start overanlyzing and reading into things too when stuff like this happens. Did he text you back immediately at the start of the relationship and things have changed? If that is the case, I personally would also feel a little insecure about things being different as well which I don't think is healthy but I've done it in the past too.

I don't know the situation, but it seems like you might be texting him and waiting by your phone for a response. If you can, send him a text and do something to take your mind off of it. Listen to music, read, go on a walk, go shopping, etc. If you have a lot of time on your hands like I do sometimes, I can get a bit obsessive about things like that.

Guys are just so different from us. They truly do things on their time and aren't thinking about stuff like oh if I don't text her back immediately she is going to be sensitive. They are cave men honey. They don't think like we do and from the little I've heard I don't think he's doing anything to intentionally hurt you. He's just being a guy.

Can you also text him less? Do you feel comfortable putting the ball in his court and letting him initiate the texting more? Keep yourself as busy as possible and make plans with friends and fit him into your schedule. It will help take your mind off this stuff.

How often do you text him? Can you place a quick call to him instead? Sometimes texts can be misinterpreted and if you have a conversation you can hear tone of voice, etc.

I'm no pro at this stuff but that's my two cents. Good luck!

[Perna]

Have you told him how you feel? Have you figured out when is the best time to text him so he isn't "busy" and can answer quicker? I remember when I was a kid and my mother would ask me to do some chore when I was busy and then get mad because I wouldn't do it right away; when another is doing something of their own, I think it's kind of rude to expect them to respond to us, like we are more important than their own lives/stuff.

[madisgram]

i totally agree with perna's first post, bib. if we smother ppl they will leave. what causes you to feel insecure? this can hinder every relationship you have until you delve into my question, imho. find peace. find yourself.

[turquoisesea]

random fact - my boyfriend of over 3 years takes hours to answer a text sometimes. I know he's at work and can't answer his phone, and if I really need to call him I have the work phone of where he works and can try calling his phone rather than just texting.

For me, I like him to answer back as he can but it doesn't bother me if I know he's at work.

I agree with other posters that the best idea in this is to communicate what you're feeling to him. The #1 thing in relationships is communication, at least that's what I believe - you can't get anywhere without it.

[eskielover]

The other important thing in a relationship is NOT to CONTROL the other person. When you start to control & try to force someone to feel guilty because they don't jump when you text or ask them to do something. it's a good way to make them want to RUN the other way & leave you in the dust wondering What happened????.

I met a guy who was controlling & I read it before I got involved in it.....sadly, his second wife didn't read that in him & after he died in 2004, she was so relieved to be free of him & to be able to be herself. His first wife left him without letting him know what the problem was.....so he never learned even though I tried to graciously try to tell him that it I wasn't the kind of person that was able to plan my life more than 2 weeks in advance & even then I have to be completely flexible.

It's important for you to understand what's causing you to feel either so needy or so controling......but unless you figure out how to control the issue you are dealing with right now....you will end up continually chasing guys away. Sometimes it can be because of separation anxiety because of things you went through as a child.....sometimes it's part of BPD (borderline Personality Disorder)......whatever the cause, it's something you need to deal with for yourself before bringing anyone into your life in a long term relationship. Sadly it's something that causes everyone pain. Something that would be good for you to work on in therapy.

[biblioknitter]

I did not really make myself clear. I do not text or call him often, a few times a week. And half the time I let him contact me first.

[RomanSunburn]

Maybe because you don't text often he doesn't think that you feel text messages are an important way of communicating? Meaning, instead of feeling like he has to respond RIGHT NOW he responds when he has time, remembers, is less busy?

I think this is easily fixed, though. As the others have said, telling him that responding to your texts in a timely manner is important to you, such as within the hour?

How far apart do you guys live from each other? I think a conversation about communication in general would be good for you two. Perhaps the two of you can compromise on what a good amount of communication and spending time together might be. He can't know anything is wrong unless you tell him.

One key factor in a relationship is about communication, even communicating about communication.

[biblioknitter]

I am not sure why but I am have been feeling very insecure lately with not reason from the boyfriend why I should. Maybe it is because my last two relationships ended at this point-when we were dating as long as my current relationship and I am getting paranoid that it will end. Another thing is this is a healthy relationship and never having one before I used to think it was normal to spend tons of time with the other person. I have been more upset that usual at this time of the month and feel like crying all the time and am a bit depressed too. My last conversation with the boyfriend went well, I explained that I was a bit sad because a close female friend and I are not getting along and I acted a little mopey around him-he was very nice and sympathetic and considerate and that makes me feel better but I am still over-analyzing everything and I am beginning to drive myself crazy. I wish I could just take a break from being me for a while-but sans a lobotomy that is not possible.

Thanks for all the advice-my parents were too busy dealing with my sister's unexpected pregnancy when I was a teen and they never gave me any dating advice and now in my early 30's I have come to realize that my previous dating actions were not healthy and I am trying really hard not to repeat those mistakes. Thanks a bunch Mom and Dad!

[biblioknitter]

I realized over the weekend that this was not a healthy relationship. A guy who cannot commit to plans three days in advance with his girlfriend is a not a good boyfriend. It turns out that he is still not over a break-up that took place three years ago, he hates the town he lives in (which is nuts cause no one else hates it) he hates his job, is so miserable that no one wants to be his friend, his students hate him, if he has nothing to complain about he is miserable and it is his misery that was contributing to my unhappiness.

[biblioknitter]

We already had the texting discussion and he gave some lame excuse about being new to texting-despite him being glued to his iphone. He was better for a while but slipped back into his old habits. Last week I got fed up and confronted him about his indifference to me and the next day he actually sent me a text saying we should take a break. While I agree about the break I told him he was a coward for doing it via text. We have not spoke in a week and I consider us done because this joke of a relationship has stressed me out way more than it is worth. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt on contacting me since his semester ended yesterday and i am sure he has a grading deadline but I am still pissed off that he cannot even break up with me-he is clearly too much of a coward and I am SOOO done with him. I should have ended this a long time ago as I had a bad feeling from the start but had just been hurt in a break-up and partly wanted a distraction and partly he was the first single guy my age I met in this town. The relationship was mostly one-sided as he could not make plans in advance and this resulted in me getting freaked out wondering if he was going to call and obsessively checking my phone-this is just not a healthy relationship and I am DONE WITH IT!

[ladyjrnlist]

Stick to your guns!

[biblioknitter]

Thanks and I love the kitty photo.