[thine_self_untrue]

I have finally realized that rejecting the faith of my family is to become something of an outcast. Once when I was younger, my Mother said something to the effect that family relations with any family member who left the Catholic faith would be "different", but I never thought I would see it come true. I wish this didn't have to be between us, but it is. It always will be. It breaks my heart, but I don't know how to go back in time and believe again. I don't want to either. Believing broke my heart and not being able to breaks it again. I just want out already. I hate the way they do things, the way they live and the way they have forced me to live. They are no happier than I am, yet they are the righteous ones. I do not mean to be bitter. I try tor respect them and their faith, even though it often fills me with anger, despair and horrible personal conflict. Yet I still love them. Even though they are all around me and usually everything is fine and I can 'forget' about it, I still feel like I have some how lost my family.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I lost my faith long ago - I know it bothers my parents somewhat that I have rejected it but they just want me to be happy so they don't say much about it to me.

What I have learned is that some people like to have something to believe in, and they find comfort in the rituals and traditions that go along with the religion. While you or I may not believe in the fundamentals of the faith, i do believe everyone has the right to believe in what they want - if it makes them happy to do these things....so be it.
I don't know if you live with your family and are subjected to this on a daily basis - I only have to do these things a few times a year. If it's filling you with so much anger and despair, maybe there is someone you can talk to about it?

[Direction]

Originally Posted by thine_self_untrue

my Mother said something to the effect that family relations with any family member who left the Catholic faith would be "different", but I never thought I would see it come true. I wish this didn't have to be between us, but it is. It always will be.

Have there been other family members who left your mom's faith? Have any of them reconciled with your mom? If so, maybe seeking their advice on how they were able to deal with what appears to be an "or else" attitude.

[Leed]

Hi ~ I was brought up Catholic too, but I left the church. I don't believe in many things that they "force" us to believe in, and I can't tell you how they SCREWED up my head and my life with their teachings. Some of us, I guess, are more sensitive to their teachings than others ~ and the nuns were really "something" ~~ you couldn't look crosseyed or you'd go to hell !!!

I'm so sorry that your leaving the church has affected your family life. It SHOULDN'T ~ in this country you are free to believe as you choose!!! Your family should NOT dictate how you choose to believe. I just flat out informed my parents at 18 yrs old that I was no longer going to go to the Catholic church, and that was that!!

I wish your family could understand that not everyone can tolerate the Dogma of the Catholic church! When we become adults, we often question what is "banned" by the church and why. Personally, I don't think the church needs to dictate how many children I have or don't have -- it's none of their business, unless they PAY for bringing them up and educating them!!! There are alot of other things I don't agree with in the church. That's why I left ! I'm sure it's the same for you. I wish your family could understand. My prayers are with you. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[Gilead]

Originally Posted by thine_self_untrue

I have finally realized that rejecting the faith of my family is to become something of an outcast. Once when I was younger, my Mother said something to the effect that family relations with any family member who left the Catholic faith would be "different", but I never thought I would see it come true. I wish this didn't have to be between us, but it is. It always will be. It breaks my heart, but I don't know how to go back in time and believe again. I don't want to either. Believing broke my heart and not being able to breaks it again. I just want out already. I hate the way they do things, the way they live and the way they have forced me to live. They are no happier than I am, yet they are the righteous ones. I do not mean to be bitter. I try tor respect them and their faith, even though it often fills me with anger, despair and horrible personal conflict. Yet I still love them. Even though they are all around me and usually everything is fine and I can 'forget' about it, I still feel like I have some how lost my family.

I don't think you've lost your family. There would be no doubt about it if you had. Religion is a very difficult topic with so many twists and turns. Don't go back in time and believe again, maybe just leave the topic alone when it comes up. Your family probably already knows how you feel anyway.

Is there an upside to discussing it and drawing a line in the sand that says "I'm no longer a catholic"? If the only upside is that you feel more honest - then feel less honest and less broken hearted. It's really not worth the bad feelings and stress. I stopped believing in that faith when I was very young and had a horrible time with my family about it until I learned to simply ignore it if it came up.

I realize I just told you to do exactly what you don't want to do...so my apologies but there may not be any other way. I'm really glad you love them...that is always a good thing....

[thine_self_untrue]

Thank you all for your kind replies.

I do still live with my family, though I'll be moving out this fall, a day I look forward to very much. I am the first in the family to abandon the faith.

My older sister is currently doing mission work and my closest younger sister is extremely 'into' her faith- which,of course, makes me look really good. They have not shunned me or 'disowned' me in any way, it is just always this discordance between us.

I have not yet drawn that "line in the sand" so to speak. I have been away from the Church for two years and only very recently has my family begun to take it seriously. I do not discuss anything with them unless I absolutely have to. Lines of communication between us were closed long ago. I am very nearly eighteen and I am seriously contemplating writing them a letter (I find it extremely difficult to express things out loud) explaining that I am no longer catholic and that while I respect thier beliefs, I also very much desire for them to respect mine also.

I know that they will always say that they love me, but that they will constantly be trying to change me and never accept me for who I am, which hurts very much.

[Gilead]

Originally Posted by thine_self_untrue

Thank you all for your kind replies.

I do still live with my family, though I'll be moving out this fall, a day I look forward to very much. I am the first in the family to abandon the faith.

My older sister is currently doing mission work and my closest younger sister is extremely 'into' her faith- which,of course, makes me look really good. They have not shunned me or 'disowned' me in any way, it is just always this discordance between us.

I have not yet drawn that "line in the sand" so to speak. I have been away from the Church for two years and only very recently has my family begun to take it seriously. I do not discuss anything with them unless I absolutely have to. Lines of communication between us were closed long ago. I am very nearly eighteen and I am seriously contemplating writing them a letter (I find it extremely difficult to express things out loud) explaining that I am no longer catholic and that while I respect thier beliefs, I also very much desire for them to respect mine also.

I know that they will always say that they love me, but that they will constantly be trying to change me and never accept me for who I am, which hurts very much.

Thine....

Not to be a pain but "I am seriously contemplating writing them a letter (I find it extremely difficult to express things out loud) explaining that I am no longer catholic and that while I respect thier beliefs, I also very much desire for them to respect mine also." would be drawing a line in the sand. You on one side and your family on the other. Is it really worth it? I know it's difficult not to express such strong feelings when we have them. Someday I'm really confident that you'll be able to do it and be taken very seriously that day just may not have arrived yet. I've read many of your posts and I respect you and your beliefs someday they will see that side of you too.

[thine_self_untrue]

Originally Posted by Gilead

Thine....

Not to be a pain but "I am seriously contemplating writing them a letter (I find it extremely difficult to express things out loud) explaining that I am no longer catholic and that while I respect thier beliefs, I also very much desire for them to respect mine also." would be drawing a line in the sand. You on one side and your family on the other. Is it really worth it? I know it's difficult not to express such strong feelings when we have them. Someday I'm really confident that you'll be able to do it and be taken very seriously that day just may not have arrived yet. I've read many of your posts and I respect you and your beliefs someday they will see that side of you too.

You aren't being a pain at all. I appreciate your input. I am torn in this regard. Part of me feels like I need to just tell it like it is and yet I have not done this yet because I don't want to hurt them and I hate talking with them about things like this as they are often ridiculed. Yet I also want my discision to be clear. Perhaps waiting is the best option. Thank you for your time and your kind words.

Hello, Thine. What to believe is a difficult topic. When someone is mature enough to choose what to believe, she/he should not be unduly required to defend the choice that is made. What causes tension at times is the choices parents make for their children are believed to be the most appropriate ones.

Parents must realize they have been preparing their offspring to make choices of their own and the day has come. The children have thought things through and decided what they can believe. Parents than must learn to accept their children have grown up and the choices they make deserve credence.