[ta5262]

I'm not sure how to put this because I'm struggling to understand my shortcomings myself. Suffice it to say that I've sat here and realized that I as an adult female I have not made any close friends. I don't think this is normal or healthy and worst of all I am a mother and wife and worry how this could have an effect on my family.

Making friends seemed easy when I was a kid and now in my mid thirties, married, taking care of teens (no more play groups) I find myself pretty isolated. I also feel I've contributed to this myself.

I've had female acquaintances that expressed an interest in getting together for lunch or shopping and stopping over my house to visit but I've always blown them off. I find that I'm hyper critical of myself. I think to myself that if the person were to really get to know the real me they wouldn't like me and I couldn't deal with the rejection and loss.

On the other side of this I'm also hyper critical of everyone else! I find myself getting annoyed by little things that people do like say a girlfriend that always calls and whines but doesn't do anything to solve her problems.

I'm left feeling guilty and isolated. My life is my husband and teens. That's it. Even high school friends who I feel I can talk openly with on the phone, I hate for them to see me now because I feel like they would judge me and think I got fat and ugly.

[Leed]

Hi ~ This sounds like it's all fear-based. You're afraid that you won't add up, and yet you're afraid that THEY don't add up.

You're being pretty hard on yourself, don't you think? You have NO PROOF that people wouldn't like you ~ and you have no proof that they would think that you're fat & ugly, which I'm SURE you are NOT. So without this proof, why not just jump in with all 4 feet, and ask some people over for coffee? I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. I would bet that you'll have a very good time, and probably set up more luncheon dates. You may have to overlook a few things that bug you about people, but we ALL have things that irritate people. LOL I'm pretty fidgety ~ I find it hard to sit still. I imagine I drive people NUTS.

As for your classmates seeing you now ~ have you seen THEM now?? Brother, I've seen mine, and the majority of mine look like BARNS!!! I'm much smaller than they are -- even tho I could certainly stand to lose 30 lbs. and i'm only 5'2" so I'm a round little gnome!! LOL

Don't sweat the small stuff. Life is too short. Ask some people over and enjoy yourself. I know you'll be glad you did. Hugs, Lee

[ta5262]

Aww thanks for your words of encouragement! I'm going to try and start opening myself up to people and starting letting them into my life. I'm going to start working with a therapist again in a week so I think that might help too. I'll definitely bring this up when I go! :-)

[Leed]

Please let me (us) know how your therapy visit goes, ok? I hope she'll advise you to have some people over. Perhaps she'll think it's too soon, but you have to start somewhere.

I wish you the best. I KNOW you want to beat this thing, and I know you can do it. It might just take a little time. God bless & hope to hear from you later. Hugs, Lee

[kreg]

Don't necessarily look for the one all solving perfect answer but take steps available to you that will move you in that direction. First I would examine the way I think about others. Dumb as it may sound love is the answer to everything. Is there hostility in your personality? Practice tolerance and understanding and kindness. You can't say "well I can be angry as long as I don't act that way. When approaching a person or group send love and kindness thoughts ahead of you to prime the event. Look for what you can give. You can give kindness or listening. You can give by being enthusiastic. You can give to your family by expanding yourself in new directions. Find activities where you will be in contact with the same people repeatedly. A gym is one of those places. Most gyms have mainly overweight and older people.

[madisgram]

it's a challenge when we're busy with family. at one time i felt that way too. i agree with lee. your not having friends as u put it may be caused by an irrational fear. i had irrational beliefs about self at one time-tho not yours-and resolved it with therapy. i'm glad you're seeking help. it may come to a positive conclusion and you will be more comfortable making friends and improve your self image as well.