[mind-body-soul]

As an adult, I seem to always choose the wrong friends. Something ends up happening and we end our friendship badly. I tend to only befriend people who think they are better than me and when I get sick of being put down or being used I end the friendship. Usually, the end of the friendship is when I basically go off on them. For example, my father was very ill and dying. I took it pretty hard although we were not that close in my adult life. My hair started to fall out to the point where you could see it. I got extensions to cover of the spots. To make a long story short, my so called friend and her husband preceded to make fun of me. During their sons birthday party I felt totally attacked and humiliated to the point where I left the party. The things they were saying to me were unreal. Although, she apologized I feel like I can not be friends with her anymore.
Being her friend feels like being a follower. I participate in all of the activities she wants to try but not vice-versa. Her son beats my son up and she doesn't make him apologize or discipline him at all. Her husband even laugh at my son because he was crying! She is always competing with me. We recently purchased a new home and she had nothing good to say about it. I mean I was not looking for any compliments or anything but it was uncalled for to make rude comments.
I am just disappointed I can not find a true, genuine friend. Maybe my standard's are too high. Is it possible to find a friend who is happy for her friends and not jealous? Who disciplines their children and not treat them like they are better than others and therefore can treat them with disrespect? Who doesn't have Caddy comments for her "friends" and who are not selfish?
What am I doing wrong to attract these kinds of people because this is not the first time. It has to be me!
Or am I being too hard on my friend?

[BatsAndButterflies]

I completely understand what you are saying.

My mother thinks I am too picky when it comes to friends, but I don't want to hang out with people who put me down or treat me like less than what I am. I tend to be nice to everyone, so I often end up having a "best friend" that no one else likes because people like that will latch onto anyone who gives them attention that they feel will not overshadow them in any given situation. I too feel like I'm a magnet for crappy friends.

One thing we have to remember though is that it is not our fault.

You deserve better than a friend who will treat you like a sidekick or a frenemy. Don't forget that! I n

[Earl Sweatshirt]

If you feel that it bothers you and happens often, you aren't being too hard on your friend. If you felt "totally attacked and humiliated" this obviously isn't a very healthy relationship...

Laughing at your son for "crying?" Are you kidding me? That sounds pretty reptilian to me. I would go GTFO and make some new friends if I were you. I will say though that if you put out a vibe that you are competitive, that's the type of relationships you're going to attract. Just be aware of how you might set yourself up for a relationship like the one you were in.

Obviously you need to know what type of people you want to be friends with and then play the part. If you want to be friends with someone who is compassionate, caring, helpful, and intelligent, yet you are not reciprocating, they are probably not going to want to be friends with you.

If you have attracted these types of people over and over again, then you're absolutely right, when saying "it has to be me." The nice thing is that you get to choose who you want to be friends with and who you don't want to be friends with. It is possible to find a friend like you describe, you just have to be emitting that same type of personality from within yourself first in order for another person with those same traits to become friends with you.

Hope that helps... I think you're on the right track with recognizing that something's wrong. Don't get upset if you aren't able to find the perfect friend right away, at least you're trying and at least you KNOW WHAT YOU WANT in a friendship! Most people are stuck in an unconscious haze and don't even realize that they are in an unsatisfying relationship.

Best of luck!

Originally Posted by mind-body-soul

As an adult, I seem to always choose the wrong friends. Something ends up happening and we end our friendship badly. I tend to only befriend people who think they are better than me and when I get sick of being put down or being used I end the friendship. Usually, the end of the friendship is when I basically go off on them. For example, my father was very ill and dying. I took it pretty hard although we were not that close in my adult life. My hair started to fall out to the point where you could see it. I got extensions to cover of the spots. To make a long story short, my so called friend and her husband preceded to make fun of me. During their sons birthday party I felt totally attacked and humiliated to the point where I left the party. The things they were saying to me were unreal. Although, she apologized I feel like I can not be friends with her anymore.
Being her friend feels like being a follower. I participate in all of the activities she wants to try but not vice-versa. Her son beats my son up and she doesn't make him apologize or discipline him at all. Her husband even laugh at my son because he was crying! She is always competing with me. We recently purchased a new home and she had nothing good to say about it. I mean I was not looking for any compliments or anything but it was uncalled for to make rude comments.
I am just disappointed I can not find a true, genuine friend. Maybe my standard's are too high. Is it possible to find a friend who is happy for her friends and not jealous? Who disciplines their children and not treat them like they are better than others and therefore can treat them with disrespect? Who doesn't have Caddy comments for her "friends" and who are not selfish?
What am I doing wrong to attract these kinds of people because this is not the first time. It has to be me!
Or am I being too hard on my friend?

[Citrine]

Alot of people do this. I mean seem to be drawn to or attract people that are no good for them. Perhaps it is you...let me explain that I mean you are too lenient and tolerant. You inwardly say `oh but they have this quality and that quality...' you see the good and accept the bad even if you are on the end of it.

Bully types like to find their opposites y'know. I have been the same as you. I had one friend that treated me like I was her poor crappy lil sister. She put me down in any way she could. She could never stand to say a nice thing to me. She had to have all the attention she could and would do anything to get it. She went out with a guy she admitted to me she didnt find attractive. He had loads of money and ran around after her. Was obsessed with her. Never stopped sucking up to her. She loved it. Insecurity is at the root of this types behaviour. Always wanting to be top dog and finding willing victims. In the end you must eradicate this person from your life. An email telling her some truths maybe, she will hate it. You deserve an equal friend dont you think? I do!

[SakuraLi]

I feel your pain about the bad friends I had a really bad, selfish demanding friend once. I think your not neccessarily doing something wrong. What may be happening is that the bad abusive friend of yours may see you as nice or having gentle none abrasive personality. And that can attract bad people because of one person being nice the bad people look at nice people who might not speak up and just take crap. But if you notice bad treatment address it immediateely and privately. Take the person aside and say something like "when you said __ it hurt my feeling" if they get a nasty attitude or laugh it off then they are not true friends. friends don`t act like that period. end of story. don`t be a doormat. take steps to speak up for yourself and your son. teach him to fight back also with using intelligent words and if someone hits him he needs to defend himself. Becoming assertive and speaking up for yourself is a process. I gradually learned to do it because not everyone plays nice or fair and you have to be ready to fight for your own rights and needs. good luck

[Subo]

Sometimes we can't get rid of people we associate, though we want to. For instance, my bro, who is an attorney-at-law who talks big who is efficient in insulting people has made my mom (I was her favorite child when we were kids) also against me. He rules everybody around him with his humiliating words.
I can't give-up my mom and I am in a trap I am born with.
If it was just another friend I would have stood away from him at early stages.

[Perna]

Hi, mind-body-soul, welcome to PsychCentral (PC).

I found it interesting you started with complaining that you don't "pick" the right kind of friends, you always pick people who feel they are better than you but then you ended with complaining about the people's behaviors; kind of like you set yourself up and then complain about the treatment? Pick people who you feel are on a par with you? Don't tolerate bad behavior from another for one second, especially their child beating up yours!