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  #1  
Old May 24, 2011, 03:05 PM
AncheLaLuna AncheLaLuna is offline
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Member Since: May 2011
Location: Italia
Posts: 22
I will try to be as laconic as possible: I am 27 years old always abide to my parents rules until recently that I realised I have learned 3 languages cause they told me so and I have gratuated from a univercity they told me so, moreover my faculty is a disaster here and I cannot find a job for years... My mother is very opinonated and sneaky and she always managed to get her own way with me, that ruined my relationships and my friendships at times. Now I don't allow this anymore but I've come to realise that as much as it was my fault accepting her to guide me on what I was supposed to choose on my own, it was her fault too if not more. Over the last years I developed a great love for pastry and been cooking like crazy, makes me feel great and all so I decided to ask them to give me a second chance that I deserve and help me study this in a neighbouring country in europe that is very well known for its gastronomic specialists. And what she said was, 'I will help you IF you go 3-4 months to a psychiatrist cause they have to assure me this is what you really want to do with your life'. And I am like... I want to plant a bomb into the house. Seriously as much as I respect every profession does it even make sense to you that she wants me to go to a specialist of any kind and he/she are to define if I really want to be a pastry chef? What should I do? I am so frustrated now she always find a way to ruin everything for me. She admitted she has the money to help, this one time that I need help from my own mother that I helped and served all my life she denies. And she insults me with the worst way possible. What should I do? Please help?

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  #2  
Old May 24, 2011, 08:16 PM
TheByzantine
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Hello, AncheLaLuna. It seems to me you will need to find a way to finance your gastronomic studies. Good luck.
Thanks for this!
AncheLaLuna
  #3  
Old May 24, 2011, 09:15 PM
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dragonfly2 dragonfly2 is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: New England
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Aaaahhh.....mothers. Many a therapist have someone's mother to thank for their lucrative careers. I know that, despite my best efforts, I am also going to help keep the psychotherapy field alive and well once I'm done raising my own children.

It sounds like part of the issue is cultural. I am in the US, but come from fairly recent Italian immigrants, so I understand the importance of family loyalty. You have done what was expected of you as your mother's child and it is perfectly justified for you to feel hurt by her actions. It does sound like it is time for you to find a way to follow your dreams, despite what your mother thinks. Can you work in a bakery to earn money to eventually go to pastry school? Are there apprenticeships available there that you could work through for a while? It may be time to just put yourself out there and make this happen for yourself. With all due respect, it sounds like it may be your mother who needs the psychiatrist.

Good luck in your endeavors.
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Thanks for this!
AncheLaLuna
  #4  
Old May 24, 2011, 09:53 PM
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Flooded Flooded is offline
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Location: on the border..
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It sounds as though you need to stand on your own two feet
Thanks for this!
AncheLaLuna
  #5  
Old May 25, 2011, 01:24 AM
AncheLaLuna AncheLaLuna is offline
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Member Since: May 2011
Location: Italia
Posts: 22
thank you all so much
first of all I wanted to see if you think it is a fair solution for me to visit any therapist and they would judge my future studies. I am so glad you don't find it a good idea.
I am trying to contact a free line of psychological help here in my country cause this is my greatest fear, specialist telling me that they can do what my mother thinks they can do.
Second of all, I can't support myself I have studied russian literature no one would hire me no one cares for that. It is more of a degree you are proud of having but it is useless, moreover no one would hire me in a big city to work at a bakery when I am not qualified with a diploma that shows I know what I am doing.
I tried serviing coffee or giving ad papers door to door but I have a rent and bills to pay so without my mother's help I cannot raise money for my studies and I am not suitable candidate for a loan since I own nothing. So she is my only hope.
And I feel like she owes me you know? It is not anger, just a calm thought.

@dragonfly2 I am so glad you can understand it is a culture thing I wanted to explain that, all Mediterranean countries have that, it is ruining children honestly. Too much pressure over this family thing I hate it.
  #6  
Old May 25, 2011, 01:44 AM
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NuckingFutz NuckingFutz is offline
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Location: Las Vegas, NV
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Maybe you need to check this link out and see if you identify with it: http://daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com see if you see your mother in any of this...I went through something similiar with mine.
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  #7  
Old May 25, 2011, 07:02 AM
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Leed Leed is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 6,543
While of course you need to respect your mother, she does NOT OWN YOUR LIFE. You do ~ and it's time you lived it the way YOU want to. If you cannot afford to pursue the cooking career, I'd suggest finding some job where you can earn the money so that you CAN go to this school, perhaps part-time if they offer it. But you need to GENTLY tell your mother that you have decided to take control of your own life from now on, and if you make mistakes, it will be your own fault. You are willing to take that responsibility.

We are put on this earth to live our own lives -- we cannot live someone else's for them. It's time you make your own decisions, whether good or bad. God bless and best of luck! Hugs, Lee
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