Anxiety interfering with intimacy.

My partner was sexually abused as a child and now has severe anxiety in sexual situations. To be honest, sex isn't important enough for me to be willing to make them relive those painful memories. What i want is a way to help them cope and become more comfortable. They feel extremely guilty for their anxiety even though I've assured them many times that their happiness and comfort is far more important to me than getting my rocks off and have joked that "god gave me two hands for a reason". Has anyone delt with feelings like this, and how do you cope?

I haven't been in this situation...healing thoughts being sent your way..

I have had bad things happen to me growing up. And I have a few hang ups because of the trauma.

Your partner maybe feels really guilty over the anxiety and current issues with sex, because you can now see her scars - and she feels ashamed, and vulnerable. Secondly she probably feels guilty that her "problems" are now spilling over onto you and affecting you. Now that's just my guess, that's how I feel.

I went through therapy which has helped a lot. I still have some issues to work on. Sexual abuse isn't the kind of problem you can just talk to anyone about. It's very complex, and scary for the victim to talk about. It takes a long time to heal.

I'm sure you had good intentions with you jokes, but if it were me, I might have been taken back by it a bit, but you would know her better.

Hi adorning!

First of all, I hope the best for you and your partner.

I'm very sorry to hear about your partner's ordeal. To go through that as a child, I can't even imagine. I was in an abusive relationship before I met my husband. I trusted hubby, but it took me a long time before I was really comfortable being intimate. And I still get nervous sometimes or feeling insecure. But it does get better.

What helped me the most was seeing hubby stop and back away when I said "no". He didn't complain about it and he didn't pressure me afterwards. What also helped was cuddling or getting a massage without it leading to anything sexual. And him showering me with attention didn't hurt either.

adorningxwounds

It is wonderful that you are recognizing your partner's discomfort with sex & are looking for ways to help them through. Kudos!

Getting through the memories and accepting sexual desires, without bringing on guilt and self-hate isn't an easy road. I struggled with that for many years myself. I think that what I really needed was acceptance from others. People automatically tell victims that they aren't to blame, which always made me resist every word they said from there. I needed people to acknowledge my feelings of self-hate and self-blame before I could move on in therapy.

After many years, with many different T's, my latest T accepts my thoughts and feelings. That helped me a lot! While he doesn't agree with how I feel about myself, he accepts that I feel that way about myself. And that's huge! My bf also accepts my low self-image. Just last week, I told him that I can't be complimented 20 times a day. Because I automatically resist. I cannot accept it. He may think that I'm beautiful...but stick with telling me maybe once a day. That's plenty.

Your partner may have similar feelings with compliments too. You can always ask. But be prepared to hear the answer ~ people are often amazed to hear what I think and feel about myself. It helps me to be honest, rather than holding those deep, dark thoughts inside my own mind. Because it is then amplified.

Best wishes to you both!