[LittleForgetMeNot]

I am friends with this guy who has girlfriend. I'm starting to like him (I don't feel consciously aware to be honest, but my dreams have been flooded with him, and I feel sad when we part and giddy when we do things, and there is quite a bit of butterflies and blushing) and this is a problem though he seems to like me too. There is tons of physical contact (such as holding hands, hugs, tickling, he puts his arm around my waist when we walk, etc.) and everyone, even friends and strangers are convinced we're dating.

Now, I'm not head over heels but interested.. Not prepared to go out and do anything to destroy his relationship, and I wouldn't be any more than a tad bit disappointed if this didn't go anywhere so I don't know what to do. What do I do? I'm not even sure if my feelings are real or just reactions to this new attention I've never experienced before. I've been told this is borderline cheating.. I'm aware of that. I've been told don't do anything stupid.. I've been trying. And I've been told to pull up the big girl panties and demand a straight answer.. This is where I'm struggling. I just cannot.. I've been asked by other friends if I liked him and even he's tried to get a tad bit serious with me on the terms of confessions I believe, and I just stutter.. No, not even stutter.. I open my mouth to say words and nothing comes out. Nothing. My brain just goes blank. It's not that I'm holding back.. It's the fact that I just simply cannot respond.. I sit there speechless as if these people were talking to me in some alien language until I find something that is a good distraction.

I have asked him once if he liked his girlfriend at all (from the way he sometimes talks about her or even forget she exists I was curious) and I didn't get a straight response either. I've asked him a couple other things and there is again a sort of dance around the subject response. Basically, we're both not going to admit anything, or do anything. We're stuck in this awkward/confusing stage where everyone thinks we're dating, we're not doing anything serious (NO kissing or anything of that sort) but know this isn't your typical close friendship, and no one is going to be admitting or breakup with anything or anybody.

So what do I do? Where do I get the courage to figure out my exact feelings, stop being so naive, scared and embarrassed about these feelings.. and ask for a straight answer? When is it possible to just do that..? How do people just do that anyway..?

[Direction]

I'm thinking you wait until he ends his current relationship and has time to process the breakup before dating this person...as you mentioned you don't want to be considered cheating and you probably don't want to be a rebound.

If he is giving mixed signals, just make it clear that since he is in a relationship you have no desire to date him...and even then I'm not sure I would suggest dating him if he is unable to stop his flirting with you while he is dating someone else...you may end up being that person he is dating and he flirting with another girl...

[LittleForgetMeNot]

Originally Posted by Direction

I'm thinking you wait until he ends his current relationship and has time to process the breakup before dating this person...as you mentioned you don't want to be considered cheating and you probably don't want to be a rebound.

If he is giving mixed signals, just make it clear that since he is in a relationship you have no desire to date him...and even then I'm not sure I would suggest dating him if he is unable to stop his flirting with you while he is dating someone else...you may end up being that person he is dating and he flirting with another girl...

I know, and that's why I'm not quick to jump into anything right away. I understand the whole "if he flirts in a relationship with her it doesn't mean he wouldn't do it to you" thing. I, by nature am very timid and quiet and don't have a whole lot of practice coming right now and saying whatever is on my mind. I worry too much about losing friends and have little to no experience in relationships (all of mine have been long-distance or online so this is way more intense) so I'm scared of saying something wrong and then suddenly everything I've been enjoying is gone.

I'm going to be seeing him again this weekend.. How do I go about correcting all of this..?

[Direction]

Knowing you have feelings for him and knowing he is involved with someone...really doesn't lend itself to seeing this person this weekend. Although I'm guessing you probably will see him in some capacity...it really comes down to setting your boundaries...and letting him know what they are...

Let's say his behavior is crossing the friend line...you tell him that you don't believe that its appropriate considering he is in a relationship. What's crossing the line? Well think if you were his girlfriend, what things would you not want him to be doing with another girl?

I'm guessing he will pretty quickly get it...if he doesn't then I trust you will realize he doesn't respect your boundaries...which means he is not respecting you...

[LittleForgetMeNot]

Originally Posted by Direction

Knowing you have feelings for him and knowing he is involved with someone...really doesn't lend itself to seeing this person this weekend. Although I'm guessing you probably will see him in some capacity...it really comes down to setting your boundaries...and letting him know what they are...

Let's say his behavior is crossing the friend line...you tell him that you don't believe that its appropriate considering he is in a relationship. What's crossing the line? Well think if you were his girlfriend, what things would you not want him to be doing with another girl?

I'm guessing he will pretty quickly get it...if he doesn't then I trust you will realize he doesn't respect your boundaries...which means he is not respecting you...

Well he is my friend and has been for about a year now so.. It's not like he's some strange guy I met a few weeks ago or anything.. Seeing each other for movies or just to hang out was never this complicated and confusing until recently.

I'm starting to set boundaries now, part of the problem was that I was letting myself be naive and believing that we were just friends (mind you I haven't had a proper face-to-face friendship with anybody in 4 years so I figured that was just how it was sometimes). Plus, I was afraid of making things more serious than they needed to be.. I have a hard time telling the difference between jokingly flirting/teasing and some serious hints.. So I've been unsure what was really going on and I've been embarrassed before when I took something more serious than necessary and it's not something I rather enjoy..

He's respecting the boundaries I've put up so far, and I'm bringing up the fact that he has a girlfriend way more often to stop any attempt of flirting. I've only started this today so.. I suppose we'll see.