Loneliness

I'm not really asking a question I just need to write and maybe have someone tell me that they understand.

I've written some things about this before, but I'll try to keep this brief and get my point across.

I'm 28, but have never had a desire to have a relationship. I've had crushes, but never cared if they would turn in to anything. A lot of my friends from high school are getting married and having families, but I never felt any jealousy about that. I was happy for them, but never envied them.

Then a few months ago I started to get to know someone from work. In a nutshell, I really like him and would love to be in a relationship with him, but he doesn't want to be in one. Apparently it is not the right time now. However, I am "important to him" and he can't seem to go a day without talking to or texting me. I'm taking things that he says with a grain of salt. He is a good guy, but I don't think he is really that into me, yet he doesn't want to admit it. So I am trying to accept that fact and move on.

But it is really hard. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. Before I met him I never had a desire to be in a relationship, but now I could see myself marrying him and having a family in the future. He is the only guy that has ever had this effect on me which makes everything even harder to deal with. Now I'm feeling real loneliness for the first time in my life and it hurts so bad. I've started seeing a therapist for the depression and anxiety I have been feeling from this. But it keeps getting worse. I think about quitting my job on a daily basis, don't want to get out of bed even though I can't sleep, and can't concentrate on school.

I'm starting to become jealous of other people. How come they can be in a relationship with someone they like, but not me? I can't stand it when someone says, "you'll meet someone else." My brain doesn't work that way. Me being this interested in someone is a rare event. I can count on two hands the number of guys that have shown interest in me in my life. I didn't have any interest in those guys at all. Now, I thought, finally here is someone who likes me too, but I guess I was wrong. I thought we were dating these past few months, but he apparently thought we were just friends. I don't understand how our views can be so different.

Everyone single person in my family over the age of 18 is in a relationship and so are all my friends. For the first time I feel so lonely, but I don't want attention from just anyone, only him.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I try to become interested in other guys, but it doesn't work. I'm not interested in dating. I'm only interested in him.

I can't find anything to do that will get my mind off of him. Nothing interests me anymore. I used to have interests and hobbies, but not anymore. Most of the time I wish that I had never met him. I should have never taken the chance and stayed by myself. I used to be a happy person. Not anymore.

I'm glad you are working with a therapist to work through this...I'm not sure I can say I understand; although, I've gotten caught up in the what ifs before.

One thing to take from this...you are now at a place where you desire a relationship where in the past many years you weren't...it will take time but do know that you can work past the rejection you are feeling.

hope this may help:

How to Stop Obsessing About Another Person
Do you find yourself obsessing about another person? Do images of this person--or of you and the person together--interrupt your daily life? Do you feel like no matter what you do, you can't stop thinking about him or her? Following the steps listed below can help you to get your mind back.
Instructions

1. • 1 First, acknowledge that your thoughts have nothing to do with the other person. This may sound strange, but when you find yourself constantly daydreaming, instead of actually developing the relationship or taking care of other things in your life, you are acting out a form of addiction.
   • 2 Look at your behavior. An addiction is characterized by a craving or compulsion to do something over and over when you know that it only makes you feel bad (or worse). List the positive things you get from thinking about this person. Then list the negative things.
   • 3 Try to figure out what the person represents. Often we use other people as symbols of something we want in our lives. For example, if you're worried about being successful in your life, you might develop an obsession with a person who you think is successful. If you're facing a major life transition (changing jobs, divorce, moving), you might find yourself obsessing about someone who seems to handle everything with ease. If you can figure out what desire the person represents to you, you can then list other ways of meeting that need.
   • 4 Consider that thinking about the other person may just be a way of distracting yourself. Finish this sentence: "If I wasn't thinking about_____right now, I would have to_______". Are you avoiding something by focusing on someone else, and telling yourself that it's love?
   • 5 Every time thoughts of this other person invade your brain, tell yourself, "I'm not really thinking about_____. I'm thinking about (how scared I am that I'm not as pretty as I want to be). I can make myself feel prettier by______."

Read more: How to Stop Obsessing About Another Person | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_5093663_stop...#ixzz1QCRk4hyu

spaceid,
Perhaps you are just thinking about this wrong. You are looking at your past as a reference that you have always felt this or been this. And you are judging your current feelings of finally thinking about an option as, oh this will be the only time.

Madisgrams post is a very good post to consider. But you may have just not been ready to experience a relationship in the past, had other priorities and didn't really care. This is not abnormal for you. And please do not judge yourself by what others do or the fact that others do have relationships already all around you. Did you ever think that your lack of need was a plus? After all you are only 28 and up to this point you were involved educating yourself and taking care of your own needs, that is pretty healthy in my opinion. While perhaps other people around you just felt incomplete without having a partner, that doesn't mean that is the case with you, and it hasn't been as you state.

And some of your emotions are probably a little bit delayed as others often have these feelings much earlier than you have. So you do have to be fair to yourself and realize that we are all unique and just because you have never been overconcerned about having a relationship doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. And ofcourse your going to experience the uncertainty all people experience when addressing any relationship that may be considered a lasting partnership. Please don't obsess about it, it is just a beginning of having a feeling of thinking about having a partner and even taking a few steps and all the feelings you have about that are normal to some extent. So all those feelings of fear and running or being uncertain are very common. What you have to think about while reading madisgrams post is what it means and how to sit and really look at it and think about it. Don't just run from yourself or your feelings, stop and understand them.

Open Eyes

Hello, spaceid. My thought is for you to print a copy of your post for your therapist. You substantially have elucidated what you are experiencing. Your post will help your therapist help you.

Good luck.