close friend

I have a friend I have bee talking to about 6 months mostly online or the phone we only met in person once. Anyway we got along pretty well as we have the same sense of humor and like the same type of movies. Over time I was able to talk about some of my upbringing that wasn't very main stream and my friend shared current problems he was having in his marriage.

My friend also has gone through alot the past few months with surviving the scare of a tornado, daughter having a car accident (she was fine) and ex mother in law recently and suddenly died from a stroke. For a while my friend and I had a serious flirtation going on and I told my friend it wasnt right I felt bad about it and wanted us to stop doing that.

Anyway my friend said things were so bad in the marriage that most likley it's over and a divorce is the end result. However, the next day my friend began talking about the spouse as is they were back together and working things out without ever actually saying they are and were.

Now my friend wants to talk on and on about spouse's plans and grief and inheritance from spouses mother dying and all the sadness the family feels, I have listened and tried to be nice about it, sometimes though when my friend doesn't understand some wording I use or gets confused about what Im saying I get frustrated and use curse words, which I did recently.

My friend sent emails going on and on about how awful of a friend I am for not being there during this terrible time of pain. I feel confused since I know my friend wasnt that close to the ex mother in law and had complained and said mostly negative things about her. I am sure there is grief but I would imagine the grief is on the spouses part not my friends as much.

Anyway I apologized and I tried be understanding of the over reaction to my using a curse word but the friend wont drop it the friend proceeds to complain to me about me, and well I just don't feel like dealing with this friend anymore.

There have been previous occasions I tried to end the friendship before the spouses mothers death happened and the friend wrote me on and on about my responsibility as a friend and again picked apart what all is wrong with me. My question is if I am so bad and such and awful selfish person to be friends with why bother?

If he is married, I think he needs to sent to care about hi wife. Sorry if you wanted other reply.

yeah I think so too, and that is why I told him the flirting was wrong and should stop. I think unless he is out of his marriage he definately needs to work on those marriage issues. I suggested he try marriage counseling but he said he didnt want to. At any rate your correct, his focus should be on his wifes grief. So I dont understand why everything is falling on my shoulders to comfort all his pain, shouldn't he and is wife turn to each other?

Yes, I would agree that they should. Now would be a good time to bow out of this situation, so he stops using your shoulders...

I think its really good that you are able to recognize this!