so afraid to love again but how cant i with him

its been 8 months since i left my abusive relationship..i was dead against falling for anyone because of my experiences and hurt i need to get over...a man entered my life 2 weeks ago and i am falling head over heals..he tells me how beautiful i am alot,he is very affectionate and we like the same things in life,he works,owns a home,cars,even has custody of his children to keep them safe from their drug using and abusive/neglectful mother..my problem is the fear i have ..i know i have so many hurts inside from the past and i dont know how to deal with never feeling good enough and extreme jealousy..i dont want him to put up with things from me that is not his fault,,he never abused me,the past did..he says he wants to be there for me..that he is really attracted to me and loves many things about me( he is attractive looking too but that doesnt matter too much to me)..he is protective.caring,considerate ,affectionate,real,,hard working,and a good person..i have never been treated so good and with respect and caring..r people sent to u in life i wonder? we click since the first time we laid eyes on each other....how can i trust my own feelings and more so how can i trust him

All I can say is take it very very very slow.
If he likes you, he will respect your boundaries and not push.
You deserve to be happy, but you also have to feel safe and secure and need to feel like you have dealt with your past enough to move on with your future.
I hope you're getting some kind of help to deal how you feel.
I hope that helps!

i have been seeing a coucellor since the break up of my ex..victims services pays for that for up to 2000 dollars...she actually told me i should give him a chance and that i deserve someone good in my life..my own insecurities is what will ruin it in my opinion..im going to have to work even harder on myself..i been trying to take it slow but its like a dream,even he says what were the chances of us meeting..ty for ur response

i knew i was going to ruin it..my jealousy has come back full swing and i question his motives,not directly to him but in my mind..i am sooo fearful to trust..he is still seeing me even after i snapped and told him off over jealousy..do all men look at women? i have 1 close guy friend who told me that when he was in love and totally satisfied sexually he did not check out other women,,is he an exception..my anxiety is extreme and i dont know whether to end it with this guy while i can still let go or give him the benefit of the doubt that he wants nobody else...how will i ever get over the feelings of not being attractive enough?

Hello, QUEEN OF WANDS. Consider printing copies of your posts for your therapist. The posts will help focus the therapy on what you are dealing with.

Be well.

Wandie Firstly ALL MEN LOOK! Men are visual creatures that is why they make such fantastic photographers. He may be looking but WHO is he WITH? Just because he looks does not mean he wants. I look at 2 storey houses but I don't want one (at least the top floor would be pristine...even if dusty lol!).

PLEASE take yourself to a counsellor...if you allow that extreme jealousy to intrude it will kill the relationship anyway. Learn that there is no need for jealousy, it is a trust issue that needs tweeking as soon as possible.

That jealousy does come from your past hurts, when you've been cheated on or treated as if you had cheated even though you hadn't, it causes your mind to warp regarding the way people look at others, and the way you've been treated and you are most definitely NOT a bad person because you feel jealousy, you are someone who needs lots of discussion and support.

YOU ARE WORTHY You just need to pour a glass of iced water over your jealousy every time it raises its ugly head

With love and blessings
Rhian

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i agree Rhian..it is a trust issue..ty for ur words..he is with me and i shall appreciate that..its only been a month and i am trying to learn how to trust,,it is earned,,and he really hasnt done much for me not to..i will bring up the trust issue with my councellor at my next appointment..hugs

I am happy sexually and emotionally in my relationship and I still look (I am a woman) I wouldn't ever betray my love, but humans are visual creatures and when something catches our eye we look. Everyone is different, I know my bf still looks and I am fine with it. It took a lot of work with my T to get to a level I was able to trust, I think it would be a great idea for you to print out your post and talk about it with your T. Also, maybe you could take your partner to a session with you(if your okay with that) so he can understand why it upsets you, communication is key in a relationship, even if it can be scary at times. Best wishes to you queen and let us know how things are

i have talked to him and explained,and apologized,,he still wants to be with me and says he understands,,we do have good communication and he always wants to help me..but i know there is only so much distrust a person can take before he is pushed away,,thats what im afraid of,sometimes we create what we fear the most..i'll get it together somehow..i am just very thankful he is so understanding..he is always loving and helpful..i definately am grateful for meeting him,he is an awesome man..i just wish i didnt get so hurt over other women,it makes me react a way i dont like,,i pull away from him,,im extremely afraid to give him 100% of myself..i still have a wall up from my last relationship..i told him he deserves someone who hasnt got these problems(anxiety,,ptsd,,and so much hurt from the past)..he says we all need someone to help us thru things in life and he wants to be here for me..i am very lucky to have him in my life,i realize that,,i need to control my emotions and stay thinking rationally when i am triggered....ty for ur responses,it means alot to me

so,,i thought i was being over paranoid but i wasnt,,my gut was telling me something.. he is a player with very good skills.. my jealousy came out strong when i started realizing that he had other women he was toying with..he was constantly complimenting me and his words about things seemed too good to be true, but his actions dont match his words..i blamed myself,made up excuses for his behaviour to myself,and tried to only see the words he was saying and forgetting the actions...sigh,,im so stupid sometimes,,no wonder im so messed up