My mom doesn't give a **** about me

My mom is the most selfish individual I know. She's a total ***** who doesn't give a **** about anybody but herself. It makes me sick to look at her.
My mom broke up with my step dad after 10 years because she wasn't happy and had an affair. Which I understand, if your not happy then you shouldn't be with that person but you'd think after 10 years she'd be adult enough to sit him down and explain the circumstances. NO, she leaves without telling him. She packs her stuff, and some of my brothers,sisters and my things) and leaves. He comes home one day and everything is gone basically.

We move into an apartment on our own and she changes completely... She started leaving and staying out not bothering to come home until the afternoon the next day. She didn't bother to tell us where she was going, She started to turn off her phone so we couldn't reach her or see if she was okay. She'd leave the apartment and party with no food for us to eat.

She disappeared once for days, we were so scared something happened to her that we called the cops. She said she was leaving (it was a friday night) and that she'd be back in the morning. We didn't hear from her at all until monday. And when she did come home basically what she said was "no i'm not sorry because i'm not perfect so whatever".

A couple weeks later she told my siblings and i that she was moving in with her 'boyfriend' and that we had to move in with him. Keep in mind we don't know this guy, we literally never met him. I told her I didn't want to so she sent me to live with my aunt (who is my guardian angel, always has been).

So now because of her I don't get to see my bro and sis at all anymore. She's completely rubbed her hands clean of me. She doesn't call me, if i try to call her she won't pick up, she doesn't spend time with me anymore, she doesn't care how i'm doing, she just dumped me with my aunt and said whatever happens, happens with me.

I love her but I hate her. My aunt tries to encourage me and explain to me that she's a lost soul but I'm sorry, I can't accept any logical answer except that my mother is selfish and she didn't/doesn't love me enough to be a mother. Bottom line.

Sorry so long :-/

I am so sorry DeepThoughts,

Your mother is obviously not a well balanced person. Now listen, please do not blame yourself for your mother's issues. Your aunt has described her as a lost soul, what is your mother's history other than what you have said here? Because she really sounds like a person who has some kind of mental illness that most likely has gone untreated. Does she have a problem with drugs or alcohol use?

I can see she causes you to feel abandoned and angry and confused. But you have to recognize that it does not mean that there is something wrong with you or that you are unlovable etc. Your mother is clearly not thinking of your needs and probably your siblings are feeling the same way, confused and not sure about her behaviors and what they mean and they are living in instablity.

Sometimes when a person goes away like that and leaves their children with no word and acts like it means nothing has a problem with alcohol. Some people who abuse alcohol can black out for several days and leave family wondering where they are. And the sad part is that they are in denial and can spiral out of control.

Have you talked to Youth and family services about this? This is child abandonment.
Depression usually means anger turned inwards and I am sure that is what you are doing as you are expressing anger, disgust and deep disappointment in someone who has failed to truely be a mother to you. But you have to realize something here, you do need help with this, I hope you are getting therapy. I don't know how old you are or the age of your siblings but you all should get help in dealing with this.

I am so sorry that your mother has made you feel this way. Part of what you need is reasons, the WHYS of her behavior. It is not your fault, she needs help as she is acting selfish and negligent. And your mother needs help as well. But the only one you can really help is you and part of that is getting to the bottom of her behavior, the whys, and finding ways for you to grow and develope in spite of her issues.

Open Eyes

Hi ~ I totally agree with Open Eyes. Your Mom obviously is going thru something right now that has completely affected her sense of obligation -- affected her whole way of thinking.

Some may call it a "mid-life" crisis -- she all of a sudden decided that she wanted something different, and NO ONE was going to get in her way. What she is doing isn't "normal." Like Open Eyes said, many times when people react this way, they have a problem with alcohol or drugs. You may not see any evidence of this, but it's possible --- especially with her disappearing for days on end without contacting you.

I have NO DOUBT that your mother loves you!! She is just very confused right now --- trouble is, she doesn't realize that she's confused! It's possible she'll come out of this on her own -- I've seen it happen -- but she sure could use some therapy.

I agree that you should talk to Youth & Family services about this. They could also perhaps see that you get some counseling. That would be very good for you.

I wish you the very best. I know you're going thru a lot -- but please don't doubt your mother's love. I'm SURE she loves you!! God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

Very gentle hugs to you DeepThoughts,

I can understand where you are coming from. It's very natural for you to take your mother's behavior personally. She is such a huge part of your life. Unfortunately, your mom has been acting very self-servingly. Not thinking about how her behavior is affecting you and your siblings. Rather, she is thinking about herself in the moment. And that does hurt.

A call to Child Protective Services may be what your brother and sister need, to get them into a safe, supportive and healthy home. Is your aunt willing and able to bring them into her house? Are your grandparents or other family members a possibility? Such deep consequences to put before you ~ sorry . It just may be what is needed to protect them. They (like you) are innocent and deserve to live without the worries that you all have been burdened by.

It is wonderful that your aunt has been there for you ~ physically and emotionally. I hope that you are able to get in touch with your brother and sister again soon. Your aunt put it very well, when she said that your mother is a "lost soul".

I suspect that there are pieces of your mom's past that were very traumatic. For some reason, your mom was unable to get the help that she needed to work through her emotions ~ and she has been running from those memories and emotions ever since.

You coming to terms with who you are and doing all that you can to continue growing into a mature, healthy adult is the best that you can do. That will help you gain a more balanced perspective in life. Hopefully, with some time and space, you will see your mother in a different light.

I am sure that your mom does love you and your siblings dearly. But, she's made some foolish decisions that ended up hurting you. She needs help to see the light. She is trying desperately to get to that light. But she needs solid balance and support to get there. Your mother's devotion to change the behavior/s is also a necessity. That is why you need to go on and live your life the best that you can. Hopefully, your mom will soon be ready to take those steps to better health.

You are in my thoughts ~ I wish you the very best!