Checklist for long term relationship

i have been intrigued to know more about the makings of a good relationship. obviously since i've been thru a bad one , i am now in complete confusion about how to figure out how to get to the bottom of understanding people and their real natures. i realise i cant figure it out myself since i can observe and arrive at only so much. but cross-country and cross-cultural inputs from forums like these can give in a lot of insight into general trends of selection of a long term partner. this will give some innocent , even ignorant ones an idea to guard themselves of the many lying, manipulative, mentally unstable people we might not even be aware are around us and stop them from taking us on rides we eventually hated.
So here goes - what are the signs/ mannerisms/ information you need to get and how (subtly of course) out of your 'love-interest' to find out if living long term with them would be a good choice!! i shall give in an example-
#1 - Make sure they give sustained eye contact, atleast from the second date.
any input here is greatly appreciated.

IDK if this helps with suggestions but with me- being able to talk with my boyfriend, and not him talking at me or me talking at him, is a biggy for me. feeling some sort of understanding or at least acceptance from him.

Friends first then lovers, and no matter what life chucks at you both continue to be each others best friend. Listen and sympathise. And show your appreciation by remembering to say please and thank you. And don’t forget, lots of hugs and kisses.

What goes around comes around. Give first take later. In order to get what we want he must first give it. Want some loving? Be loving. Want understanding? Be understanding. Want a friend? Be a friend.

I think one has to really know one's self well first so that one can trust one's own judgment. Then, when judging who might be a good fit for ourselves, we'll trust the judge

#2@beauflow ability to relate to ech other in conversations
#3@korin mutual genuine respect for each other thoughts, becoming a true friend.
#4@perna understand thyself, your real personality and to understand compatibility with regard to your true personlaity
#5@rubyindie dont ignore instances of conflict and resentment, might be predictor of deeper unresolved issues

#6 @rubieindie signs of agressiveness for small matters and adamancy can be an indicator for future violence...observe ,observe , observe
#7@rubyindie falling in love is one thing but falling inlove with the one most compatible with your personality type is most important for long term happiness.

If we are talking about healthy people here then I would have to say the key for me would be mature emotional intimacy based on honesty, empathy and trust. It reminds me of the 5 languages of love which I think misses the boat entirely on what true love is. I feel all of those 5 "languages".. words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, service, and physical touch are all just "acts" of affection. They mean nothing to me without intimacy. But not physical intimacy mind you... emotional. What glues it all together is the bond or connection that an emotionally mature, introspective, empathic person can bring to a relationship. You can tell them anything and know they will not judge you harshly for it and will be there for you. They may not always agree with you or want to face up to problems you have, but you know they will try to help you both get through it. And you will do the same for them. An emotionally immature person will leave you feeling as alone as if you were lost in the middle of the Sahara. You crawl to them like an oasis but you are always left thirsty. And the narcissist is the worst because they are a mirage. They pretend to be the oasis you need but hold poisoned water if any.

thanks as always @strongerman but my intention of creating this list is for those innocent or even rather ignorant men and women who just are not able to see and judje for themselves whether the person in front of them can be trusted and worthy of their time, emotions and consideration. subtle hints that can reveal their inner angels or monsters...
thanks again all...

#8 stronger man -the bond or connection with an emotionally mature, introspective, empathic non judgemental person
#9 stronger man - disagreeing is ok but helps see u thru problems.
#10 rubyindie - does not appear to be easily 'excitable' does not profess importance for physical proximity and activities.

Lol, I got hung up on the first line. "the makings of a good relationship" and ran with it.

I guess the essence of what I wrote above is... How does this person act when things don't go their way? When they get what they want and you act the way they want, a toxic person will be as happy as a clam. They love you. But the moment a little adversity is thrown into the mix, ie. you disagree with them, criticize them, say something they perceive as a slight or even have an innocuous problem that you try to address with them, they will react very poorly. You have fallen out of step and need swift and merciless correction. They will use one of their favorite defense mechanisms such as the mini "silent treatment" or rage at you for having dared to inconvenience them or wrong them. They will scold and berate you or the offending person. Their reaction is so far out of proportion to what was supposedly done or said to them. This is their "shock and awe" tactic to ensure, in the narcissists case, their continuous flow of supply. So watch carefully what this person does when the going gets tough or things aren't perfect... When a baby is crying in church, when service is slow at a restaurant, when the neighbor parks in their spot. Mind you that the pd person can be quite adept at hiding this part of themselves in the beginning of the relationship. You have to watch closely to how they treat strangers who inconvenience them. It won't take long before they show their true colors as an emotionally immature, high conflict, toxic person and start aiming their venom at you.

#@stronger man- observe his/her reactions to unexpected events as in getting easily agitated, verbal or even physical display of displeasure,unable to forget and forgive certain acts.
#strongerman- need to correct, rectify for the others good, berate others when things are not upto 'mark'