A Serious Question

Hi guys

I have a serious question I would like to ask and I would appreciate some feedback on this subject. Some of you would already know me from my previous threads on here and I would just like to thank you for all the replies. The question I am going to ask is a bit more personal this time and I would like some honest answers because I guess I am scared.

When I was younger I was diagnosed with Autism, ADHD and OCD. Apart from my family only two people have known about this (Jessica and Rachel) as I don't feel comfortable telling people I have it because I am basically worried they are going to look at me differently. When I was in the second grade one of my teachers told me I could write at a sixth grade level and later I was told at TAFE I had an abnormally high IQ after doing an IQ test. I kept it hidden from them though because I didn’t want any special treatment and I wanted to prove that I could do everything myself.

I am thinking about telling this to Mandy soon but I am worried if she finds out she might not like me anymore. She is a very kind and caring woman and I’ve already told her about Jessica and Rachel passing away, my past addictions to alcohol and cocaine and the fact I’ve only had sex once with a woman I didn’t know when I was drunk and can’t remember it and she has been very understanding throughout all of it. I trust her and I want to be completely honest with her because I think I am in love with her. I know it’s early but we’ve spent so much time together and she is amazing.

Should I tell her? Take this for example, if your boyfriend or girlfriend who you liked told you they had those problems would it change the way you felt about them or would you still like them? This is probably my biggest secret and it would kill me if she broke up with me because of it. My life has just been so messed up this is the first time I’ve really been happy in a long time. Mandy means the world to me and I think I made a good decision asking her to move in with me.

I have told my bf about my PTSD, my anxiety issues, my sexual abuse history and other traumas. I believe honesty is the best policy, it helped my bf understand some of my behaviors and why I got jumpy and nervous sometimes.

Bf has also told me things from his past and his struggles with depression, it never changed how I felt about him, except maybe feeling more comfortable with him because he was so open and honest with me and has never hid anything from me.

If it changes how this woman feels then she isn't the right woman for you. Someone that really cares about you and is in it for the long run won't leave you over you telling them about your mental health issues.

I wish you the best of luck.

The way I look at it, what you were diagnosed with is nothing that would change who you are in her eyes. It's just some words added to the person she already knows. You've been that all along. You've been that when she met you, and when she decided she wants to know you better, when she started liking you. You are still the same you. I don't see how the revelation could scare her away, but I can imagine how they may help her understand you better, provide more reference and maybe explain some things about you that she found puzzling.

Yes, revealing your secrets feels scary. What if the other person freaks out - it's not impossible to imagine, but so very, very unlikely to happen.

These conditions get a lot of positive representation in popular culture (Monk comes to mind for OCD), and even if you find portrayal incomplete or not realistic enough, they do remove fear of the unknown and prepare us to be more compassionate fellow travelers.

Sunna thank you for that! I think someone close to me is scared im gonna look at him differently and you decribed it so good, I wish i could show my friend this!!

Hi Blades ~ I have to agree with Sunna. After you tell her, you're not going to be any different than you were before you told her. You're still the same person she cares about. Labels don't mean anything!!

Getting out your 'secrets' helps to deepen the relationship -- sharing your personal issues will only enhance your feelings -- and I'm sure she'll appreciate the fact that you trusted her enough to tell her.

Best of luck & God bless. Hugs, Lee

@ blades it takes a lot of courage to reveal the real you and is the most liberating too. true as sunna and leed said...if she has true feeling for you and is genuine enough to accept a few letters that are meant for diagnosis and prognosis of your condition, which will be found only in the paper files with your T or doctor, she sure is gem. and wanting to trust her enough to express your deepest thoughts with her makes you a gem. so if she doesnt freak out and is comfortable with you as before then u have something good going there! who knows she too might want to tell u about something about herself to you. take care...be fearless

Thanks for support. I ended up telling Mandy the truth the other night and she was very understanding. In fact she told me her younger brother had ADHD too but she was suprised I had it because she didn't pick up on it. Mandy said she knew I had OCD from my large CD collection though. lol She then looked me in the eyes and said nothing could change the way she felt about me and she told me she loved me before she kissed me

She literally took my breath away and I think I was lucky I was sitting down because I could have fallen over. lol Mandy is the first person to say those words to me and really mean them since Jessica passed away and she's just so amazing. I couldn’t be happier to have found a woman like this and I know we haven’t been together for very long but I love her too and I told her I did. Since moving in we've really got to know each other and I could see myself marrying her one day.

Mandy then said since we are being completely honest with each other she had something else to tell me. She said when she was in her early twenties she posed nude for a few magazines because she needed the money at the time. It doesn't really surprise me that she did modelling because she is really beautiful but I never pictured her as the type of woman who would pose nude. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that though but it just surprised me.

She said when she was younger she did a few things she wasn't proud of but she had grown up a lot since then. She also told me she had gotten implaints when she was eighteen and she had piercings in a few private areas of her body. I still haven't seen her naked or had sex with her and she had a conversation with me the other night about it and she told me she wants us to wait another month before we do because most of her past relationships have only been about that and she doesn't want ours to be. Mandy said she wants ours to be special. I can wait for that and I am not going to put any pressure on her.

I'm not sure if I posted this on here but Mandy is an artist now and a very good one. Her work is very impressive to say the least and I'm her biggest fan just like she is my biggest fan with my writing. What would you do if you found out something like this about your partner?

blades i wouldn't feel differently about the person. it's part of them but it's in the past. she's grown into a wonderful woman. hats off to her. hats off to u 2...drugs. sounds like you both are mature and open-minded. glad u two have found each other.
BTW there are studies that indicate autistic ppl are very bright in spite of their dx. many have tested genius level IQ. great documentary on this but i forget the name.

glad u got it out @blades, god bless. everything went on well and better.

To make no mistakes is not in the power of man; but from their errors and mistakes the wise and good learn wisdom for the future. Plutarch

mistakes are committed by everyone the only thing you can hope for is that you can get to a point to stand by what you did and even better if you find someone who will stand with you on it. take care and live in the moment of love and acceptance.

Hi again Blades ~~ I'm glad things went so well when you told Mandy.

As for posing nude, etc., that shouldn't make any difference. She did this when she was younger and more immature --- it sounds like she's not proud of it now. But still, when someone needs money BADLY, some things don't seem important at the time and she might have felt she was forced into doing it due to her extreme need for money.

Don't worry about it. It sounds like she's grown up alot since then. Besides, she's still the same person. All of us have done things that we regret. Best of luck to you both & God bless. Hugs, lee

Thanks again everybody. Mandy really is an amazing woman and she has a beautiful soul. It's like the more I get to know about her the more I am falling in love with her and I am very lucky to have her in my life. I feel like my prayers have been answered and if every winding road I have been down was to lead me to her it was worth it

Honestly you should tell her if she lives you she wouldn't care she would love and treat you the same and be supportive be honest with her let her be there for you good luck