[RomanSunburn]

So I'm really struggling with something. I seriously cannot control my emotions over this issue. I am absolutely livid.

My fiance dated this girl in high school. She was a German exchange student only there for a school year. This was in high school, when he was 16/17 (we're 24 now). She was a total waste of space. She was an extremely bad influence on him. Would get pot and alcohol (and lied to me about that, saying she didn't do either of those things with him... a mutual friend of mine and hers told me not to believe her), told him if he didn't sleep with her she'd find someone who would, and got him to lie to his mother. She treated him like crap. She was also pretty rude to one of his cousins (but rude because she thought he was hot). My fiance would have broken up with her, but she was leaving in a short while and decided it would be easier to just let her leave.

Before my fiance and I started dating, but after they dated, me and this girl were friends. We've since stopped this friendship, but she honestly has no idea why I have problems with her or why I wasn't comfortable skyping with her.

But the kicker is that his family loves her. She was invited to his sister's wedding and was introduced as "This is my son's ex, but we still love her!" I've never been introduced by my fiance's mom in any such way. Whenever she posts on facebook, his entire family likes or comments or something. This girl has an entire photo album made just for her visit on his mother's facebook page. I mean, even family members that live over eight hours away, have met her a handful of times, LOVE her. I just don't get it! His mother pays more attention to this ex girlfriend than she does to me, even more than she pays to her own son. I posted that we were coming home for a visit soon, and there wasn't even any acknowledgment from his family. But I shouldn't be too surprised, this woman barely congratulated us on our engagement... The whole things makes me super angry. I just want to tell them all what a horrible person she is and they need to stop talking to her because of how much it bothers both me and my fiance.

I know the best thing would be to just let it go -- water off a duck's back. But it just frustrates me so much, that this girl who treated my fiance like crap is loved so much by his family. We can't stand her. I honestly hope his mother says something like, "Oh, why aren't you inviting her to your wedding?" so I can just be like "B----, please. Let me tell you." Though, I'd do it in slightly nicer terms... "Oh, we decided that ex girlfriends that treated my fiance like crap, forced him to have sex with her, and asked him to lie to you so she could get him drunk and high weren't welcome at our wedding."

Okay, so what would you all do? I know what I should do, but I also know what I really want to do.... Bah... Grumpy!!

[Silent_tsol]

Have you talked to the family at all about this? Can your fiance sit down with you and his parents and discuss how this makes you feel? Maybe something of "if you want to continue a relationship with her, that is your decision but we need you to support us as being together and support our decision on who will come to our wedding etc"?

[RomanSunburn]

Thanks for your quick response!

I wish we could do something like that, but my fiance is very much anti-drama, and thinks this would only cause drama. He's not even bothered by it nearly as much as I am. He's been dealing with crap like this from his mother for his whole life (for whatever the reason, his mother believes his daughter can do nothing wrong. This is the girl who has three kids, one of which she conceived in college, has never worked a day in her life, is completely dependent on her mother and the government even though she's married... Yet my fiance can't do anything right. 3.4 gpa graduating from a top engineering school in the country wasn't good enough for her...). I tend to agree with him, though, that this would cause issues... His family doesn't talk about their feelings, they push everything under the rug... I'll probably only say something if she says something about us not inviting her, but I have a feeling she won't, because she rarely talks about anything wedding related with either of us....

Oi.. I'm just so frustrated. And to top it off, my fiance just fell asleep which just triggers me, so I feel upset and alone... oi... Maybe I should go journal...

[Silent_tsol]

It would be a difficult conversation to bring up. I don't use facebook much anymore but could you put his mother on a limited view so you can't see what she's liking or commenting on? That way not having it right there maybe you won't be as bothered by it.

[Yoda]

You are not alone. I was with my BF/fiancee for nine years until he died. We would visit his parents on holidays and in their hallway was a picture of my BF and his high school GF that he lived with for a year or so. That was fine to keep her picture on the wall but his family never did hang a picture of me with BF. Whatever. It's annoying but if your relationship with your fiancee is good I would just ignore it. IMO

[Flooded]

If you love your fiancé and he loves you then it doesn't matter what his family think.

My maggot-in-law HATES me with a passion. Not that I do anything to help matters

[RomanSunburn]

Thanks for the responses.

I know I really should just put it out of my mind, but it hurts. My fiance feels like he has bigger things to worry about than this, which I agree, but I still wish he'd act a little more upset about it! Oh well. Water. Duck's Back. I got this.

I've decided that if for any reason she bring up the ex, I'm just going to make a snide comment about what a horrible person she is. This is probably not the best route to take, but at this point, I don't care and my fiance said I can say whatever I want. But it's all, more likely than not, a moot point. She probably won't bring it up. And until she does, I'm going to work on not thinking about it.

I'm glad I'm not alone with crappy in-laws...