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#1
Aug 27, 2011, 07:31 AM
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I have been with my husband for 8 years. I have caught him on several occasions having emotional affairs with different women. Each time I caught him, he tells me he is sorry and won't ever do it again. And I have caught him lying to my face about things when he gets caught and he always says he is just joking around. Now I am in therapy because I can't take the hurt and pain anymore and I have told him to leave and get help. I have been to 3 counseling sessions already and he keeps telling me he has a number for a therapist for sexual addiction but he has not set up an appointment yet. What are the chances that he will set up the appointment to get help? I really love him and want this marriage to work, but I have my doubts that he wants to get help.
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#2
Aug 27, 2011, 01:18 PM
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Sorry you're going through this ((puppetonastring)) - has your husband left or is he still living in the house? I think you're doing the right thing by getting into therapy and you're right you both need couples counseling. If he refuses to get help or work this out, then do stick to your guns and leave the marriage. Don't waste your life on broken promises or hopes.
__________________
 This is our little cutie Bella  *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) |
 CedarS
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#3
Aug 27, 2011, 03:56 PM
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Quote:
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| CedarS
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#4
Aug 27, 2011, 07:34 PM
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Unfortunately one thing we all have to learn is that we can only control our own actions. You can't make him go to counselling if he doesn't want to and if he's not there by choice he probably won't get much out of it.
That being said, I can imagine how difficult it is to go through this more than once. Does he understand the devastation an emotional affair has on you. Some people try to push it aside saying "well we didn't have sex". Two books I suggest for you are Not Just Friends -Shirely Glass How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair - Linda MacDonald The second one is really short (like less than 100 pages) but the first one is great too. One thing that took me a long time to understand is that this has to go my way. If you tell him that you need him to do something, he needs to do it. He doesn't get to pick and choose the easy things off the list and have the relationship work out. Yes, he can choose to neglect things that I ask but then it's up to me to control the only person I can -me. Draw your line in the sand. Tell him what you need from him. Follow through. And consider marriage counselling. Another thing, I'm wondering why he has the number for a sexual addiction therapist when he had emotional affairs? That doesn't seem to add up. I do agree that he needs to work on his boundaries and how he convinces himself this is ok behaviour |
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#5
Aug 28, 2011, 06:49 PM
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Your husband is a love addict. I am going through something similar with my wife. I would suggest you read the book 'Lonely all the time' as it will give you a clearer understanding of what you are up against.
Get yourself in a position of strength in counseling so that you can give your husband a bottom line and stick to it. You cant force him into counseling but you can leave if he doesnt change. He is an addict and you will have to approach this as if he is an alcoholic, different drug, same problem. He wont change unless he gets help and into a 12 step program for this. I wish you the best and take care of you now. |
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