[rebecca8]

Has anyone ever just packed up, and moved across country to get away from the people in their life? I'm trying to decide if this would be good for me, or if I would be even lonlier than I am now. It's starting to become apparent that the people I've chosen to have in my life do not make me happy. I was just ditched by 2 of my friends on Christmas, my other friend is with his family (since we used to date, and I still need him as my friend, I've stopped even thinking about dating other guys), I don't really have a family (I barely see my brother and I don't think he'd miss me much if I moved, my mother is a drunk (I apologize if I offend anyone, but it enrages me), I haven't seen "daddy" since last year when I caught him spying on my bro and I trying to fix my car. I can't stand the city. People are so rude, even on the holidays. I've always thought that I just needed to toughen up, but now I'm starting to think I just don't belong here. I'm a peaceful, meek human being. All this stuff, these people seem to be jading me. I don't like that at all. They are having their way with me, and it's making me sick.

oh, my dear, i'm am trudging towards austin, texas. for all of the reasons that you mentioned. well, some of them. my main problem here is lack of a creative community and this is a very rigid, uptight conservative town. so, i'm planning and planning and i'm getting out of here.

I did it three times (criss crossing the country) but many more within each state I lived in, to get away from sexual abuse and my abusers. One thing I did learn was that running didn't solve the problem. It gave me time (about 6 months between moving and being found again) to pull myself together but the problems continued to follow and I lived on the run for almost 25 years. The problem finally ended when I planted my feet and refused to run, and faught the battles of my abusers and problems that came with them. The choice to live on the run from whatever your problems are is your choice but I can tell you from experience I only became exhausted and more mentally unstable until I stopped running and started working on my problems. Good luck to you. and take care.

[(JD)]

You don't have to move to change the ppl in your life I think. You can detach from whomever is around... even family. Best to find new ppl to be with though, volunteer someplace, go to new places, join a club or something...and then you won't be alone by elimating the others? You would have to do that even if you physically moved.. or you'd still be alone. sigh. TC

[LMo]

I moved for those reasons, and it's by far the best decision I've ever made. The added bonus is that I've found "my people" here -- I could never completely relate to my friends from my home town.

And even if you're not "running" from something/somebody, there is a lot to be said for creating an entirely new chapter of your life. It's an interesting world out there -- definitely one worth exploring. Good luck, Rebecca!

[Perzephone]

Having moved several times for many of the same reasons, I've found these things out:

1) It is true - wherever you go, there you are.

2) Changing your location doesn't change anything. Only changing yourself does. If you need a vacation from your family, turn your phone off. Do some avoidance therapy and stay away from the people in your life that make you desperately unhappy. If people have a habit of 'just dropping by', start letting it be known that you don't appreciate it and would like a phone call before letting them into your home. It's your space - you choose who comes into it, and it's your time - you choose who you spend it with.

I've managed to live in the same town as my two half-sisters and all their familial drama & old hurts and emotional pain fairly successfully for about 5 years now. I've limited my contact with them and made myself unavailable so that when we do spend time together it's more about catching up with one another than beating up on each other. And I don't spend an entire day with them anymore, either - it's 2 or 3 hours at the most because, hey, I've got to go to work...

That all said, if you do decide to move, at least do so with some preparedness and awareness - don't just jump and run. Especially if you're thinking of moving out of state. My husband & I moved to Louisiana a few years ago with no jobs waiting for us, and couldn't even get an apartment. The one place that would look at us required us to pay a huuuuge deposit, have $3000 in the bank & provide a statement, AND we still had to have jobs to get the keys to the place. Heh, try getting a job within a day of arriving at a new city, not knowing the way around & basically living at a La Quinta. Many employers are wary of people they consider to be transient - they don't want to invest money in training someone who's only going to work there for 6 months.

Good luck and blessings, whatever you decide.

[LMo]

I would disagree with the statement that "Changing your location doesn't change anything.". It often changes a LOT, with a lot less effort. My life and my outlook considerably improved after getting a fresh start in a new city, and I am not one to run from my problems. But, to each his/her own!

[jmo531]

I am with LMo on this. Moving across the country is one of the best experiences I have had so far in my life. Sure, I miss home, my mom, but for reasons I wont go into now, I had to do this for me and I am glad I did it.

[hillbunnyb]

... me, from the Atlantic to the Pacific, in the nick of time.... best thing I ever did for myself back then....

[LMo]

I guess what I'm saying is that while you can't run from problems that stem from within, there is a LOT to be said for a change of scenery, a fresh start, and creating a new chapter of your life. Life is too short to stay somewhere you're not happy because you feel it incumbent upon you to learn to like everything, as if being unhappy somewhere is a personality flaw that one must learn to overcome. Sometimes, we just need the change of scenery. Sometimes more than once -- I wasn't happy with the first big move I made (just didn't really fit in in San Francisco), but I tried again a year later and hit the jackpot. I think it's something everyone should do once in their life, for personal growth purposes.

[MacD]

If new scenery is needed then by all means indulge!...But wherever you go, make sure that the scenery isn't all that needs changing. The people that we choose in our lives are no accident. When I began to notice that same trend in my own life (feeling used and abused), I had to ask myself why I had chosen these folks to start with....and I had to finally acknowledge that I pretty much got what I asked for.....
(not what I deserved, mind you...but what I asked for) Best of luck wherever you land!

[rebecca8]

thank you. i was having such a rotten day on Saturday. Now that I'm feeling so much better, I think just getting out of my mom's house would do wonders. As for seeing other lands, I still have a bit of wanderlust, but have seemed to have settled with a new job that will one day pay for my travels. I'm just so intrigued by this one place i want to visit, it seems so beautiful. Yeah, but I still have some gripes about my friends that ditched me this weekend. I'm gonna post another message 'cause it might be long. Thank you again.

Before I started college, my relatives and I moved many times. Every time we would arrive to a new city or in the case of the US, a new country (I was born in Peru, South America), I hoped that the boys in my class wouldn't taunt me. It never got better. At the beginning, everyone seemed like nice peers. However, one boy would start calling me names, throwing pieces of paper in my hair and other ways to make my days a living hell. The way I responded to him encouraged a greater number of boys to join in the taunting. Then, my mom would talk with the teacher and talk to the boy or boys that were bothering me. Things would be ok for a little while, but the boys would soon start bothering me again. So the cycle repeated again and again. In addition, I slowly began to realize that my parents and my sister make me miserable. Now that I am in therapy, I know why my unhappiness followed me wherever I went. I've wanted to move out of my parents house many times, but I don't have financial independence and social skills. I changing myself for the better so that one day I will leave. Like Perzephone, I find it unbearable to be around my folks more than 2-3 hours.
Believe in yourself, Rebecca8.
-Psychee

[ree81]

I just want to say thank you for posting this... I would love to get out of my small town, everyone knows everyone, there is nothing to do here unless you love to drink or play bingo (or both), I work with both my parents, I have worked 2 jobs for 5 years 7 days a week, cause the cost of living here is expensive... Needless to say I am miserable! It has been a question that I have pondered many a time... Anyway thank you for posting this...

[rebecca8]

no prob ree81. i wanna thank you because I've always thought Wyoming would be such a wonderful place to live, but then you mentioned about being in a small town with nothing to do, but drink. This is something I should consider since I like having fun, but I don't drink......I hate it. And, wow, 2 jobs? I can't stand even having 1 job. I never would have thought the cost of living would be expensive, but I guess it sort of makes sense. I suppose if you want the best of both worlds......peace of the country, and way to earn good a good living, maybe a suburban life semi-close to the city is the answer. hmmm.......

[ree81]

Your welcome... In Wyoming if you live in Casper or Cheyenne there is more to do... I live close to the Montana border, and the closest mall is 2 hours away... The people here are very rude, you are either rich and own a business which you never had to work for (mommy & daddy gave it to you) or you are poor and struggling... There is no happy medium... I would love to just up and move out near Philly, we travel there every year and I love it! Hope all works out for you...

[MacD]

It truly isn't where you're planted...but how you bloom....No place is heaven or hell......But You Can Make Any Place Home if you choose....lots of love, grace