[rebecca8]

My "friend" gave my other friend some presents to give to me. I don't undestand why he seems to be avoiding me though.....for over 2 months now. He's the one who had to open his big mouth about having a crush on me. But, the thing is, he is soooooooooooooo fickle. He first met my best friend about 4 years ago, and they had like a year of a "FWB" fling. She became close with his family, and everyone thought that he really loved her, but was just scared to admit it or something. Well, finally after like 2 years of hearing about this guy, I finally got to meet him. At first, I thought they were both really obnoxious with their showing off how close they are. But life's too short so I got over it, and we all became really good friends. Now, it seems like they've cut me out again. I'm really hurt. Especially because of this guy's game playing. I had developed a little crush on him too, but would NEVER EVER have told him. I knew what my crush was all about.......I was lonely. But, as I said he had to open his big mouth, and blab all his dumb feelings to me, which in turn I stupidly did the same over email (you do really stupid things when running on no sleep) However I also explained to him that he might have these feelings for me because he is also lonely. Well, he talked it over with our other friend, and I guess he wasn't genuine with his feelings. But, I was. So, it really hurt me to have my true heart dragged out for everyone to see, and then get it stomped on. It was like, "Oh, just kidding, just testing you, I wanted to see how you felt because I needed an ego boost or something." And, my best friend seems to be harboring these feelings of jealousy, or she maybe feels that I betrayed her. I was so confused within our little triangle. She kept telling me that she didn't want to "go there" again with him. So, in my head, I thought, well, maybe someday, when she's with someone really special, and if him and I are both alone, blah, blah, blah........Now, my mind is clear enough to know not to play with thoughts like those. I guess, this is all still bothering me because I was never "allowed" to talk it over with them. They had talked about it alone, and didn't really want to bring up the subject again. That's what they said when I tried to talk about it. I'm not important enough for them to listen to how it affected me. I hated how I just let it go, so they wouldn't have to be uncomfortable. I really should have spoken up because it obviously still bothers me. I'm just not sure if I should let him go as a friend. I do miss the 3 of us hanging out. I don't understand why I'm excluded. That hurts the most......that I can be dropped so easily as a friend. My best friend doesn't even understand why I'm hurt. She somehow thinks that it shouldn't bother me. I sense this feeling of her wanting to keep me away from him. She seems to be desparately holding onto something with him that really isn't there. ANd I let myself get involved too. Sorry, if this is so long, and if I sound like a whiny baby. I just have to get it out there. I'll stop now, it's like picking at a healing wound.

[nothemama8]

IMO, your real present is the fact that your not falling for his line, stay clear and see what happens between him and your other friend
Angie

[samsara]

Saying thank you is always good. I would do it with a fairly plain "Thank you" card and keep it neutral. "Thanks for your kindness in buying the ______ for me. I appreciate your thoughtfulness. All the best, Rebecca." No hints or innuendos or anything. Very flat and polite.

Couples often choose to spend most of their time together as a twosome and to avoid things that threaten the "couplehood" - you are not exactly a former girlfriend of his, but you have the same effect in light of past expressions of feelings for him. It's not the same as it was before. You don't need to attach blame, you just need to accept that.

I would be cautious about further approaches from him - unless you are prepared to lose your best friend in favor of an emotionally confused man.

[Lexicon78]

If it were me, I'd steer clear of both of them. I know you're really hurt right now, but it sounds like the both of them really aren't any good for you. What kind of friend would do this to a friend?

[rebecca8]

hehehe.......emotionally confused man.......that made me chuckle. i'm glad it's apparent to others. I sent him a thank you, but for the sake of the backbone I'm trying to grow, I told him how it hurts to be ignored and forgotten by a friend. He apologized, and said that he thought I needed some space because I was freaked about him telling me about the crush. I don't believe he acts like this intentionally. It's also very clear that all 3 of us had a communication breakdown, and started to assume things, but I told him that when you assume.......you make an ***** out of u and me.....trying to keep it light. I think he appreciated the honesty. I, at least feel better about the whole thing because I actually spoke up for once. It feels good to clear the air. It's also clear to any guy that approaches me with an interest that I'm off the market for quite some time..........self re-construction in progress. thank you everyone for your advice.

[MacD]

Anytime you put your true self out there, it's a risk....and you are to be admired for having the courage to do it....but this man does seem wishy washy...and I suspect that he might even enjoy causing conflict with your other friend (feeds his insecure ego)....I agree...Caution needs to be exercised here....but absolutely don't feel any shame or regret for revealing your emotions....that takes true guts.....tc, grace