[hoping4best]

just wondering is it normal to feel jealous...well, extremely jealous and upset, when you see your BIG time crush connecting with some other girl on facebook? speaking for myself, it really hurts! im really trying to move on, snd sometimes i even feel that i HAVE succeeded in doing so,but then again one fine day everything blows up! i guess im never gonna heal from the pain this unreciprocated love has given me. im talking about Eric. some of you might remember him...i Lynn P and others helped me a lot in going through it. i have ranted about him A LOT!

[SophiaG]

No, i think it's pretty normal. You feel rejected and that hurts. *hug*

[hoping4best]

im so unsure of how my mind works i used to like another guy about 3 years ago, and he dumped me after 5 months. all of a sudden. he just stopped contacting me when he went abroad and he was the reason i came looking for help online and found it here on PC afterwards, i deliberately 'fell for' Eric...i know its complicated, but i started observing him so much so that i could divert my attention from that other guy and forget him, and finally fell for Eric instead! oh well....he didnt even bother to talk to me.... i blew up my chances aswell somehow by lying about myself and it pissed him off. but atleast he knew that i was really interested in him and liked him so much. he didnt care at all.

he's not the sort of guy who'd talk to many girls. there was only one as far as i know and i have been SO jealous of this girl. and nowwww he's talking to this other girl too whom i had thought was not really close to him. i think they kept it to themselves and secret.

[Perna]

I think jealous is a combination of hopeless and anger. Here's this person you can't have and someone else can. You still want him, still think you should be able to have him (after all, someone else has him, why can't it be you?) so you're stuck.

Find the hurt and anger that someone else has him when you wanted him and do something about it. Anger is just the feeling that we have had something of ours taken from us, we have been "slighted" or made to look silly (and we're not!) or dumb or whatever. In this case, another person can't really be "ours" which is where the "hopeless" comes in, the object of our affection has a will of their own and has chosen someone not us and we know the other person they've chosen isn't as good as us but maybe we're wrong; what if there's something wrong with us? We haven't been chosen so there much be something wrong with us or we would have been chosen!

Back up the bus to the anger. We-weren't-chosen! How dare they not choose us! But, they didn't! So, we obviously have to move on as we cannot change what another person does/chooses. So, first you realize that the other person has a lousy choice mechanism or they would have chosen us If the other person didn't choose us, there must be something wrong with the other person! (not literally but to "our" internal point of view! We should always be #1 in our world). If there's something flawed about the other person, we don't want them, they're obviously not the one for us!

So, we've gotten half of the problem solved; the person isn't the one for us but. . . how about the anger part about them not noticing how awesome we are? Well, we obviously have to think of another, better way to show our awesomeness! Now, we can do that in two ways; we can go look for and find the guy who is "right" for us and together we will be doubly awesome so others will notice or we can look at the rest of our life, our interests, abilities, and activities and put together another indication of how awesome we are. We can work harder on our school work and get straight A's, we can decide what we want to do when we graduate and set up how to become good at that craft/occupation and start on the road to awesomeness that way or we can work on getting healthy and fit so we physically shine; we can go in any direction we wish, all we have to do is turn that way and start walking in that direction. Before long, this experience will be left behind, like last year's teachers.

[hoping4best]

Perna you've put it so well, thankyou

[hoping4best]

Feeling low again!

[Open Eyes]

jiakhan,
Perna does have good advice. And I will tell you that I have had serious love crushes myself and I didn't get the guy. I even was in love with someone and he hurt me and I was devastated.

But I will tell you, now that I have lived some of my life and know what I have had and needed? Oh those guys would have never met any of my needs. And those guys are divorced and dead beats and I am so glad that they did me a big favor in releasing themselves on someone else.

You truely have to accept this, not as rejection, not as your loss, but that it was truely not ment to be. This guy is not the right one for you and you certainly don't want to love a man more than he loves you, that is not the way to go. You cannot control the love and affections of others and it doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you. You just havent found the REAL ONE that will be a much better match for you. You cannot just love someone because of the way they look or even how they present themselves, Love has to be someone that can truely reciprocate affection and love for you. It is out there, have faith and just let go. Don't opine and don't look at his relationship with someone else either, that is just not healthy.
Don't have access to him, he is done, baked, over, NEXT?

Lots of fish in the Sea my dear.

Open Eyes

[palemoss]

it's normal. facebook incurs that kinda psychology.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by jiakhan

just wondering is it normal to feel jealous...well, extremely jealous and upset, when you see your BIG time crush connecting with some other girl on facebook? speaking for myself, it really hurts! im really trying to move on, snd sometimes i even feel that i HAVE succeeded in doing so,but then again one fine day everything blows up! i guess im never gonna heal from the pain this unreciprocated love has given me. im talking about Eric. some of you might remember him...i Lynn P and others helped me a lot in going through it. i have ranted about him A LOT!

sometimes its normal and sometimes it isnt. your treatment providers can tell you if your being this way is perfectly normal or not.