[dmcd11]

my friend withdraws whenever she has a problem
I offer to help/come over etc but she says she wants to be on her own
I get very disappointed as we wont be meeting
and I worry about her all day long
she is always busy with lots of people yet sees me more than them
there are many areas of her life she doesnt tell me about
how can I get her to trust me enough to tell me so we can be best friends?
I feel rejected and abandoned when she withdraws and useless to her

[shezbut]

Have you been friends with this friend for very long?
Have you always given more to the relationship than she has?
How has your friend been there for you in the past?

It isn't unsual for friendships to fizzle away. Sometimes, long friendships can be put on the back burner for a little while and then brough back up to the front & the same closeness is still there. I have one terrific friendship that is that way ~ we have been friends for 30 years!

If, however, you're needs aren't being met, it's also possible that she isn't a true friend. I've been on that road too. Painful, yes. But it's better that you get out of the relationship before more damage is done, rather than continuing to follow her around & hope that she'll be there one these times.

[salukigirl]

I feel like you are talking about me.....I do this to people and I know I do. Eventually something huge comes out about my past and they feel hurt that it took so long for me to talk about it.

I honestly don't know what to tell you. What makes me trust people is when they listen. When I say "leave me alone" and they do....it makes me more likely to trust them. Someone constantly asking me to talk makes me want to go into my little turtle shell.

Something my ex and I used to do to get me to talk was start a notebook. He would write me a note, just a simple one, and maybe put a sentence or two that he was concerned about me or how I was feeling. I would find it while he was gone and it gave me time to process it without having someone staring at me or hovering over my shoulder. Then I would write out what I was feeling. Lets me stay a little disconnected from the words while still getting it off my chest.

I don't know if that will work for you two? I agree with shez that, if you are feeling abandoned by her and not getting what you need from this friendship, then maybe a cooling off period is in order?

[siriushousewife]

Your friend could just be a really independently-minded person. I know I am like that a lot. I prefer time to sit and think and work through a problem in my head. Having other people around just makes it harder for me to think it through. Maybe you should send her a casual note, text or email and ask what's up. Just be direct : Are you avoiding me or do you just need a lot of time to yourself? If it can't be worked out, and it's really upsetting you, you may be better off without that friendship, as others before me just said.