[BadHorsie1216]

I've been dating my girlfriend for 3 months now. But we've known each other for about 7 years. We've been friends and have liked each other for years but have just never been in the position to be together, now we are.

We've spent like everyday of the past months together. But recently she's seemed a little frustrated with school, work, and other issues. So she's seemed upset all the time, and when I ask what's wrong she doesn't tell me, so I ask again and she gets frustrated and angry. And whenever she's in a bad mood and I can't cheer her up I think it's my fault. So I question if she's happy and if were ok. And this gets her even more angry.

Now we recently had a talk and she told me that she wants some space and it has nothing to do with us. She told me that she loves me and doesn't play those beat around the bush let you down easy games. She said if she didn't want to be with me she wouldn't be. We both love each other and I want to make things work but me constantly questioning our relationship, her feelings, and everything else is hurting the relationship.

I need help desperately. I'm afraid that if I keep on on this path I'm gonna lose her. Like I have no problem giving her space because I realize that everyone needs their own space but I'm having a problem. When I'm alone I'm constantly worrying if our relationship is ok or if she's gonna up and leave me.

Please anyone who can help me out and shed some light on my situation would be a life saver.

[lynn P.]

Hi Badhorsie1216 - welcome to PC and I hope you like it here. It sounds like you have the kind of personality who likes to fix things and you feel guilty easily. You sense she's upset but she's the type who's straight forward and doesn't need help at the moment. She might be upset, but probably it has nothing to do with you though, but she can't hide it and that brings out the worry in you.

This is what I would do - tell her you realize she's under pressure and when she needs help you'll be there to listen or help...then ease up. Trust her to tell you when its you. When one partner has a problem, we need to figure out...is that person looking for you to "fix" it or just to listen with a sympathetic ear. You should also look into your past family life growing up -did you feel responsible for people's happiness - like a parent?

[vintageromance]

I know exactly how you feel. I've very insecure and often question my relationship and my husbands feelings. Lately, he has been under a lot of pressure because of his family which has made him moody and anti-social. He keeps telling me it doesn't have anything to do with me, but I worry so much that it does and I find it hard not to blame myself.

Feeling insecure like this puts pressure on the other person though, which isn't fair. I know it's incredibly difficult, but try your hardest to just trust her. Maybe sit down and have a talk with her, letting her know that, despite your insecurities, you're there to help her in any way you can (even if it means giving her space). I think it's also fair to ask her to be patient with you as well. Things are hard for her, but things are also hard for you too. You both need to look out for each other.