[geez]

I have two kids.
My husband has anxiety and isn't taking his anti anxiety meds anymore. That makes him more edgy and I'm a type B personality, he's a type A personality.
Where the anxiety comes in is he gets freaked out about things that wouldn't normally bother me or many people who are 'even keel'.

We got in an argument tonight about a situation at a store. We were out shopping with the kids and he made some sarcastic comment to me and I in turn said that I he needs to cut out the sarcasim. He then started raising his voice in the store and I calmly told him to calm his voice down. That of course only got him even more angry/agitated and he said: "don't start with me!". I then knew that things were going nowhere fast and I told him that I wasn't going to talk about it in the store and that I was going to finish the shopping and walked away from him with the grocery cart. - (mind you there was another couple near by starring at us and I was beyond embarrased at his behaviour and the fact that I am married to someone who can act rude and that I'm allowing myself to be treated that way by engaging in a response to his negative behaviour by getting sucked into his verbal jousting).

We talked about it later in the day and while I felt heard our discussions always end with him telling me all that was bothering him and it's his 'last word'. I feel like a child in the conversation and he asks me is there anything else you want to talk about? - I say no and then he leaves. I of course am angry because I feel like he's not respecting me or he has the power in the relationship or in that moment. Am I being childish? I did have a T and she did say it sounded like we had a parent child relationship at times and that I need to disengage when he talks disrespectfully to me (during our discussion today I told him he needed to talk in a calmer tone and not use any swearing etc.... I don't allow my children to talk to me that way and I don't accept it from anyone. I Know I should have just told him when he's ready to talk calmly then I'm available and then leave the room). I feel like when it comes to conflict I give him the power.

Is any of this making sense?

I did ask him many, many, many, many, times over about marriage counseling and he refuses. As an fyi he never went to a psychiatrist or psychologist for the anxiety. He got the script from his primary care dr...

Any thoughts??????

[Leed]

When he has an outburst like that, don't say ANYTHING -- just walk away. By answering him, you're just feeding his anxiety -- and he gets madder. Walk away until he's more "logical" and tell him how he makes you feel and that you're not going to put up with it anymore. Mention that you need a HUSBAND, not a father!!!

Has he ever given YOU the chance to tell him what is bothering YOU? You might ask him for that "privilege." It seems that this is a one-way relationship -- and he's getting all the benefits.

Take your power back. You're just as good a person as he is. You have the same rights. Don't let him run over you. God bless & good luck. Hugs, Lee

[IceCreamKid]

What you describe doesn't sound like anxiety to me. It sounds like anger, poorly directed and even more poorly controlled. Does he pull these stunts in public often? Are the children always there when he does it? Someday soon when the children are out of earshot I would tell him the situation has to change and then suggest couples counseling. If he refuses inform him you are going to get counseling on your own because you don't like the direction your marriage is heading.

[geez]

Thank you Ice and lead for posting your thoughts. Yes he does seem to have some anger issues at times but his anxiety gets him on edge about things and then blows up at me because he's worried about something and puts the blame on me for his worry. I worry him he says. For example my son let go of my hand in the parking lot and my husband freaked out saying how could I not have a hold of his hand (my son was 2 feet from me and he was walking around the car to get to his car seat (he's 2 1/2). While I understand the importance of holding my sons hand he blows it way out of proportion and says that he's worried about when I have our son if I let go of his hand or vice versa (I'm a stay at home mom btw so I'm with our little one 24/7).

He only pulls these 'stunts' mostly in public and sometimes at home. Actually last night after all this happened I tried talking to him and because he wasn't talking to me (he was talking at me) I just up and left and went for a car ride at 12am. I wasn't going to sit there and listen to his ranting. I tried walking away but he followed me into the bathroom so I walked out. We haven't talked about what happened since as I don't feel like talking to him right now. I feel like it's kind of hopeless.

I did just end counseling for myself after 3 1/2 years and while I learned a lot this marriage I'm finding difficult (I grew a lot as an individual and learned how I fit into the picture of my marriage and what I bring to the table baggage wise etc..). I feel like giving him a choice: A. We go see a lawyer. B. We go see a marriage therapist.
Not sure if that will get me anywhere as I think that will just make him angry and feel cornered. I'm think I'm going to try the approach of: I'm really worried about our marriage and the way things are going aren't you? and take it from there.

Wish me luck!!!! I need it!!!! Can I have some pocket riders :-)