[k037]

Sorry this is long.
Ok so I've been dating my BF for almost 3 years. We are in our late 20's, we never really fight, we have a decent home etc. A few years before we dated I know he had some alcohol/depression issues, he was in a bad financial time in his life etc. He has done great and been sober for a long time, hasn't really had a drink in almost 2 years, he said it hasn't been that hard like he thought and mainly because we are older and everyone is basically out of the "everyday" partying phase.
So since this had happened, is father thought it would help he see a psychiatrist to help him with any problems he might be having. She was a "New Age" therapist. And ever since he started seeing her, he has been acting weird. He doesn't like his job. (Who does?) and he wanted to figure out what to do. He told her that and she suggested he break up with me, and move out west to CA and go to school and get a job out there. Okay I thought therapists aren't allowed to interfere with relationships except give ideas what to do if there is abuse, drug use etc. She has been leaving him little "Notes" on what he should do and weird stuff. People in the kinda small ton we live in warned me about her. She charges $80 a day and he goes once a week, it was two until he found out the price.
One morning after my birthday, giving me presents and telling me how much he loved me and glad I was with him, he tells me he needs to "figure things out" and can't be in a relationship or around people. People prone to depression I find gets worse when they alienate themselves. I was shocked. I knew it wasn't a cheating thing, but it was out of the blue and mind you we had talked marriage, but not in a weird forceful way, just general things about it and I thought he was a mature person and good guy. Yeah..... At this point I didn't know it was all "her" idea until he had a punch of papers laying around I was gonna throw away and it was a list of thing she "wanted" him to do. He is however kind of a push over type of person, let's people talk him into things because he is such a nice guy and he goes out of his way and I just thought it was rude she pulled this. I had a notion to talk to her and give her a piece of my mind.
Come to find out her daughter, had once slept with my friend's ex husband, had no idea there was a connection, but we do live in kind of a small town. Not saying this is the scenario, but, maybe she knows we are friends with them and wants to start some kind of trouble. And yes people are that manipulative around here. Not a jerry springer/deliverance kind of way, but you know. The adults seem worse than the kids in the drama department.
What should I do? Should I call her or go in and see her? I know about patient/therapist confidentiality, but I need to do something, this is ridiculous. His family and my family right now are just shocked at his actions and that a therapist would suggest such a thing. He knows I support him in changing jobs, moving etc. We don't have kids so we can pick up and go if we needed. Please help. Thanks!

[Leed]

Hi ~ I don't think I would talk to HER -- but I'd have a "sit down" talk with my BF and reassure him that I was there for him, and whatever he chooses to do is okay with you -- but I'd also tell him that it isn't really ETHICAL for the therapist to try to "control" what he does. Remind him that he has a mind of his own, and any decisions should be HIS -- not hers.

He's a very impressionable man. I'm not sure this therapist is the right one for him. But I guess all you can do is support him. Best of luck! Hugs, Lee

Is this a real, licensed, trained therapist? Or is this someone who just hung out her shingle and decided she's an expert on people's lives? I ask because you described her as "new age" and she does seem a bit "out there". If she isn't truly licensed, then she doesn't work under the guidelines of the profession. Either way, he needs to get out from under her "guidance" and find someone truly qualified as a therapist.

[unaluna]

I think we need to look at, why California? Why did his father think he needed a psychiatrist? What was he depressed about? What would the big cities of California offer him, away from his girlfriend and family, that he is not finding in this small town? What does "New Age" mean 30 years after the expression was popular? Better for him to do this now, so you can both get on with your lives separately. I really think you and your young man have vastly different goals and values.

[SolutionIsProcess]

Because it was on his 'list' from her doesn't imply that it was her decision. Sometimes, therapists might write down goals that the client has already set out for themselves. This is not to say your point is irrelevant; it understandably raises some concern for you, but I would be cautious in jumping to conclusions. Unless proven otherwise, the therapist may have acted totally ethically in this situation by supporting her client's goals. Trying to obtain information from her would not be possible because of breaching confidentiality, which I think you already know. I think the best solution to your situation is a talk with your husband, and telling him your feelings and needs in all of this (keeping the focus on you, not on him or his therapist). I think that will prove to be effective.