So confused and sad

About a month ago, my boyfriend of three and a half years broke up with me completely out of the blue (as it seemed to me, anyway). We had been together throughout my entire three years at uni and had been planning to move in together in the near future. In the weeks leading up to our breakup, everything seemed like it was normal. He was perhaps a little distant, which I questioned him about a few times and he always insisted I was being silly and everything I fine. Next thing I know he's turned up at my house insisting he doesn't love me enough to want to be with me anymore. I was completely gutted. Heartbroken doesn't even cover it. I know we're young and everything but I really thought we would spend our lives together. Anyway, since then we have kept in very close contact (texting all day, meeting up) and we have agreed that we will still have a sexual relationship. I know what you are thinking - that he is using me for sex, wanting to have his cake and eat it, etc etc, and I wouldn't blame you for thinking that. But he keeps saying he doesn't know if we will get back together or not, but that it is a possibility. Neither one of us wants to be with the other right now (including me) but when we are together we are affectionate and loving. We kiss, cuddle, hold hands, the works. It is not just sex. Neither of us feel able to be with anyone else either. I'm so confused and feel sad most of the time. He has said himself that the reason he fell out of love with me is that I am needy and manipulative (I can be these things), but he didn't offer me the opportunity to work it out or anything. He is very much a practical kind of guy, finds it very difficult to articulate his feelings (I am too much the opposite way!). I feel so sad and confused all the time. I don't know how to feel better. Would like to know what people thought about this situation.

Thanks

Well polkadotstrops, welcome to PC first off! I'm sorry to hear about your break up, I know how hard that is. From what I've seen in my friend's going through a situation just like yours... DON'T continue sleeping with him!!! If you said he left you because you're too "needy and manipulative" and he doesn't know if you will get back together... why do you want to be with him? Someone that loves you wouldn't say that to you and everyone deserves someone to love them for the good and the bad. Take a step back and look at the situation... you're basically in a relationship that he doesn't have to commit to. Is that what you deserve? Sorry if that sounded a little harsh :/

i think Starvin is right in that you shouldnt have sex. i differ in opinion though about his saying you were manipulitive.

if hes just stating an obversation, no harm no foul, especially as you admit you can be manipulitive. i think the best thing to do right now would be to back off a little. meet with him a little less, text him a little less. show him that you can be self reliant and that you are trying to change.

you say hes not giving you the opportunity to work it out, but maybe this continuing relationship IS your opportunity. and if you do decide this is something you want, show him you can be better.

i know you should never change yourself for a man, but if you have flaws, allow him to show them to you. that is a sign of a good relationship: being with some one who makes you a better person.

i hope this helps

I think he is staying with you until he sees something better come along. He doesnt have to commit anymore and you are his close friend that he feels comfortable with but he is a guy and he will be in it until he finds another girl then he will wonder why you are taking it so hard because you were in an uncommitted relationship. Believe me I have been through them all, included being that guy with a couple of my girlfriends. We stay in it because its what we know, till we see another girl who takes interest or visa versa. Its terrible but thats the way it is unless you set the ground rules and put him back in his place.

i think MIABroken has a point... in any case, the best course of action would be to just back off. if MIA is right and hes just with you until something better comes along, then he needs to know that thats unacceptable. and if he is trying to give you a chance to better yourself in preparation for the next step of yalls relationship, then you need to show him youre not as needy anymore, and that you have your own life. having sex with him, depending on him, and jumping when he says jump are all going to land you with a bigger heartbreak.

either hes giving you the chance to work on some relationship killers (being and needy and manipulative kills relationships, ive been there too), and yall might end up together...

or hes using you to keep him company until he finds some one else.

you might want to consider just asking him. ask him if hes looking for somebody else. ask him if he might be interested in trying toi have a relationship again someday. but until you know for sure, you need to remove yourself from the possibility of a heartbreak.

should he leave you, we will be here for you i hope things work out for the best