[someotherperson]

Hi,

The situation that I'm faced with is that my partner and I are both accomplished at getting what we both want. The only downside is when one of us wants something different.

We both admit that in the process of attaining what we want, we aren't adverse to stepping on other people, hurting those who care for us, or burning bridges left and right. When I really want something, nothing gets in my way.

Besides this being wrong from a moral standpoint, it causes ruptures in our relationship, especially where trust is concerned. I feel like I should feel even worse because I could potentially hurt someone I love, but at the same time, I feel like he doesn't try to restrain his actions as much as I do. Most of what I try to direct that energy towards is making him happy, but sometimes I want out of our relationship. He on the other hand, has no such compunctions about keeping me with him and guilt-tripping me into staying when I've already indicated I want to go.

Neither of us wants to be seen as vulnerable, yet I try to let my guard down more because I want him to trust me. In the end, when I fail I always think I've let the both of us down. We both play this dangerous game in which whomever shows too much weakness loses, but not showing enough means that nobody wins.

To complicate matters, he has Disassociative Identity Disorder. Sometimes its hard for me to figure out what stems from him or one of his "identities" and thus what may or may not be true.

Within all of this turmoil, I know that he and I both care deeply for one another and want to continue with a fresh start, forgiving each other for past wrongs. We want to try and trust, but our personalities don't always cooperate with our goals.

Should we try and work it out? What would you do in my position (knowing that there is a serious problem and that you don't always do your part to help)?

[Leed]

Well, forgive me, but I think you both are playing a very dangerous game, and both of you are very immature. I think that your relationship is doomed and you should call it a day.

Not only that, but both of you could really use some therapy. Why is it so important to win? Why don't you feel any sense of responsibility when people get hurt? I could list a thousand questions here -- but I won't take up that much room.

I hope you will call a GOOD therapist/psychologist and make an appointment. Therapy is good for everyone - heck, I've been in and out of therapy most of my life. Finally, I think I've got it right!! But you would really benefit from it, I think. Give it a try - I think you'd feel better about yourself.

Take care and God bless. Hugs, Lee

[In_Doubt]

I don't think you should feel guilty about getting what you want. Especially in this day and age when competition is an important survival skill. Of course competition usually involves someone losing, but it's not the kind of losing in which those people can't survive and move on.

You want yourself to lose?

I hope not.

[ACanthony]

Hello there It sounds like you have a few complicated problems to sort out and I would recommend seeing a good therapist (good being the keyword). It sounds like you both can be a bit selfish. There is a fine line between taking care of yourself and looking out for yourself and being selfish. Why do you feel the need to put down others to take care of your own needs? You need to take an HONEST look at why you do this. It is a ME ME ME society but we are commanded to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. Until you settle some of these issues, I would take a step back from the relationship. You don't have to end it, but just keep each other much space so that you don't further complicate things. Be patient with each other and also yourself. You may need to end it and move on. Sometimes if you truly love the other person you have to let them go for their own good.