[January]

I've been seeing someone for all of two weeks. He's a person who moved into my apartment building and someone I know and respect introduced us. I let my guard down enough to date because I trust my friend.

The upshot of it is that he has become demanding and stubborn. I felt like I was being used. So, I have called a halt to the relationship. I don't want to make an enemy but I don't want entangled in this. The fact that I go to the same church doesn't help.

I didn't realize how terrified I am of a disagreement with a man. I sat here in the dark last night dreading his knock on my door. I'm a grown woman and I can defend any of my friends fiercely and with passion but I am afraid to defend myself. I am so strong in so many ways, but I am still afraid of taking up for myself. When is this ever going to go away?

Jan

[LMo]

BUMMER!

But look Jan -- I think you're being a little hard on yourself. Two weeks is not the same as letting it drag on for two months or two years, AND you did manage to call a halt to the relationship, right? That to me seems like you managed to effectively stick up for yourself, even if you were really scared and maybe you didn't express yourself as assertively as you wanted to.

I think it's hard for most people to do that, honestly. I can think of only a few women who are easily able to set personal boundaries and stick with them.

A good network of friends has always been my biggest help in situations like this. And practice.

Please don't beat yourself up over letting your guard down. No risk, no glory. It sounds to me as though you had good reason to give this guy a chance (same church, recommendation from a friend). It's not like you're picking up random men willy-nilly. You sound SO on the right track to me. But yeah, it's still scary and difficult... but I have faith in you.

[Beautiful_Pain]

Jan, I agree with everything posted above, by LMo. I'm proud that you did stick to your guns and ended it when you felt the need to. I know I've not always been strong enough to do that!

You deserve better, Jan!!!! Good that you saw the signs in time and ended it!

Hugs
Nina

[bebop]

I think you did the right thing hon. I too have sat in the dark to keep from a confrontation. I think sometimes it is easier to do that than face it. I am here for you hon.

[January]

Oh LMo!

Thank you so much. You made me feel so much better. Thank you over and over. It helps so much to have someone think I"m on the right track.

((((((((((((((( LMo ))))))))))))))))))

Hugs,

Jan

[January]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((( BP )))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you think I did ok. That makes me feel so much better because I felt like I was a coward.

Thank you!

Hugs,

Jan

[January]

Thank you Nina!!! I appreciate it so much!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hugs,

Jan

[January]

Oh gosh, Be. I thought I was the only one who had sat in the dark like that. I'm sorry you went through it but I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. Thank you for sharing that. It means so much.

Hugs,

Jan

[January]

LOL!!!!!!!!!! Thank you, Pat!!!!!!!!

Hugs,

Jan

[bebop]

Jan lol hon you would be surprised at some of the stuff I have done to avoid confrontation lol

[January]

Oh Be! Again, at least I'm not alone! You know, I can defend my friends without a thought or a moment's hesitation, but when it's me, oh boy! Scary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love and hugs,

Jan

[hillbunnyb]

We are all so the same. You wouldn't believe how long I can hide out when I've been scared........ or whatever.......

[Myzen]

Hi Jan,

Gosh, that's a worrying post. It makes me think about embroilment again. We go in so easily, with optimism and high hopes and then it often turns sour.

Thank goodness you stopped it quickly, and now it will get easier I'm sure. I too have hidden behind the curtains a few times, but believe me it does pass. If you can get to the point of seeing the guy and just saying a polite 'hello' then it will be all over.

Good thoughts, M

[crazyashell]

It seems men are better breaker-uppers than we are because they seem to have so much more practice at it!<a target='_blank' href='http://www.mymailsignature.com'>
</a>

[January]

((((((((((((((((( Bunny ))))))))))))))))

Here I thought I was the only one. Maybe we'll both practice and get better at not hiding. I hope so.

He came up here last night and acted like nothing was wrong. I had to toss him out again! I think he got the drift this time. He won't be allowed inside again.

Grrrrrrr! (That's my tiny feirce growl! ) LOLOLOL

Hugs,

Jan

[January]

(((((((((((((((((( Myzen ))))))))))))))

Thank you. You're absolutely right. If I can get to the point where I can speak and not have qualms, it will be all right. Here's hoping that stage arrives soon!

Hugs,

Jan

[January]

You know crazy, you may be right. Thanks for the imput.

(((((((((( Crazy ))))))))))))

Hugs,

Jan

we all struggle...as least i think we do...with things like this. one day i'm feeling social and the next day i'm worried that i made a complete fool of myself by being friendly. i'm glad that you did what you did and remember, it's calling taking care of oneself!! xoxoxo pat