26 and never had a boyfriend

I am a 26-yr old female who has never had a boyfriend. I think I'm a pretty interesting and unique person overall. I'm reasonably attractive (have modelled professionally- 5'8/125), have an career primarily as a musician and occasional indie news writer and also environmental consultant, am not obnoxiously extroverted but comfortably outgoing. I more want to get a chance to try being in a relationship than any fear of not ever meeting "the one" that I see a lot of other people have- try anything once, ya know? I'd love to take the easy way out and say I'm picky, but the truth is that no one has ever indicated interest in me other than men much older than me (eg- my father's age) who are either married (and just looking for sex) or recently divorced, or lesbian or bisexual women. I wouldn't rule out an older man but the sort of situations I've encountered aren't what I want. I have no idea what is behind the women hitting on me, although it seems to happen with some frequency.

I really am at a loss for something I perceive to be statistically improbable here. My friends don't get it, and when I tell this fact to others for the first time they usually are shocked. I am a rather liberal and rational person so I can't say that I have a whole lot of limitations other than a certain level of intelligence and empathy that I look for. I've liked tall guys, short guys, class clowns, painfully shy bookworms, men of lots of different ethnic/social backgrounds, you name it.

I definitely have taken the initiative in trying to start relationships, be it asking guys on dates, telling them my feelings, or even planting the odd kiss. Men just never seem to want to get involved with me that way- either saying that they think of me as just a friend, or I'm not their "type". I've tried several dating sites and nothing has worked out. I've asked friends to set me up but usually they can't think of anyone, or they tell me I'm better off single. A couple of times they did set me up with someone, and in all of the cases the guy was not interested in a romantic relationship. Most of my friends at this time are guys (colleagues from work as a musician). This whole thing isn't a huge deal in the daily course of my life, but it is something that I think needs to be addressed, and I'd really like some ideas on why this may be.

hmmmm.

the female attention must get a little annoying huh.
hm. well considering i dont KNOW you really, i cant give any suggestions based on your personality. but i can see your problem.

i shouldnt worry bout not having had a bf. quite a few people are in the same situation. have u tried asking a guy what kinda lass they are looking for? hm
idk lol sorry.
the older men i can understand the frustration. i have had a few problems with uhm older guys i guess. even scarier. im about 10 years younger than u. sooo really a bit weird.

feel free to talk cuz talkings fun
dot

You are certainly an avid communicator Hypatia,,I enjoyed and understood your prose on the problem.

Interesting,,your statistical reference to the world of feelings...but your right that it does seem odd that someone like you is still "hands free".

I like to fish. If I'm fishing in a stream or pond for a few hours and I don't even get a bite, I can begin to rationalize my experience)lack of luck) by thinking that "I'm outside relaxing,,having a good time being with nature"...That's all well and good but I came to fish and do a little catching...LOL

So,,,,I change ponds...or I eat hamburgers that night.

Try a new place, perspective or social grouping like a church or club or volunteer effort. Sometimes all it takes is a little kick to the process of destiny for "things" to sort out a little differently...

You sound like a wonderfull person who simply has not turned the rght corner...

Lenny

Have you tried eharmony.com? It seems like the questionnaire would make it more likely to meet someone with similar interests and values.

Hi,

I'm 23 going 24 and I never had a boyfriend, too. I maybe a little younger but I am not that bothered of not having a boyfriend yet. I don't know when I get 26. But I think its the people around us that gives us much pressure that because we are not getting any younger we should have a partner already. Then if someone asks if I have a boyfriends and when I tell them that I never had one, there's a big "WHY?"

But for me, I just enjoy my status. Because I think the more that I pressure myself about that, the more that it won't happen - that I won't have a boyfriend. Then what I do is become more open to people like getting more friendly and positive.

____________________
conversation skills Free Report reveals secrets to making great conversation. Get it here: http://www-conversation.com/

communication skills Free Report reveals communication skills secrets that work like magic. Get it here: http://www-communicationskills.com/

They say that some of the most beautiful women in the world are the most lonely. Could be part of the deal. Men are probably a little scared of you.

You're a great communicator which shows your attention to detail and your intellectualism. Being a musician and indie writer are very free spirited things.......

I can't help but think how much fun I could have in your life! LOL!

I'm 29 and don't have any children and have never been married. It's hard to meet decent men. And it's not about being picky....its about finding something worthwhile.

I'd say it's just not your time yet. I don't think it's an issue for you. You're not sitting around moping about it - you're just kinda curious as to "why not?"

You'll stumble upon something one day. Don't fret.

eHarmony actually refunded my money because I never matched up with anyone very well (I think I matched 60% with what other men were looking for) during the couple of months I was a member. That was pretty depressing!

I meet a wide variety of people through my multiple careers as a musician, writer, and environmentalist, not to mention neighbors, people through the gym or other random things I go to, etc. I never have a problem finding people I'M interested in, it's just the other way around that is stifling to me.

I especially meet lots of diverse people through being a musician- I play a wide range of genres, and these appeal to very disparate individuals.

I'm posting on here because I'm at my wits' end, or at least was a little bit last night. It's just pretty annoying, and no one (friends/strangers/counsellors) has ever had any advice for me other than, "you just need to dye your hair blonde and act really stupid". Which is pretty much a BS answer in my opinion.

I was 25 before I went on a date with a girl....I was terrified of them...

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Hypatia123 said:
Which is pretty much a BS answer in my opinion.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I think so. I've met extremely joyous and giving folks of all hair colors to say the very least...LOL

Being approachable is an interesting issue. I think we could start a wonderfull thread on the personality aspects that would contribute to this state of being.

For me is seems that people I can approach easily are folks that somehow find a way of truly welcoming me. They make some effort whether blatant or sublime that puts me at complete ease in their presence.

You write wonderfully,,,do you in any way put folks on some level of defense? Yours words do not convey this but we write with a different set of neurons...

With all respect,

Lenny

Don't worry-I was 42! before I had my first-we dated 6 months and then broke up-he had a lot of issues. I was very possessive and insecure-didn't know if I was doing things right.....He was a WONDERFUL Christian man, a gentleman and a real sweetheart.
He died unexpectedly of a "catastrophic heart attack" 2 years ago this July 1. Apparently that ran in his family & he didn't have the healthiest lifestyle. I miss him a lot-he wanted to try dating again.

Right now my life is very full with church, etc and other stuff. I'm going to make my life good and if someone else comes along, God willing, that'll be great. I'm a virgin and proud of it and so was he!

In high school and college, I just went out with guys once, most of them younger. One guy looked promising but I couldn't see myself as a minister's wife-I was a senior and he was a freshman when I invited him to Jr/Sr that year.

I don't care about babies at my age-my baby is a puppy-a real sweetheart!

I don't know if men are intimidated by my intelliegence or what-people have introduced me to men but nothing came of it.

Best wishes!

ocd chick!