Due to having BPD I've put my husband through a huge amount of stress: erratic moods, excessive job losses, history of flirtatious behavior, and overall poor functioning.

I know I'm the weakest link in this relationship and I'm trying to be "normal" for him but I'm failing miserably.

Does anyone else feel bad about relying on their spouse to take care of them?

[vintageromance]

Yes, I feel guilty. My husband is the "normal" one, the one who compromises and accommodates and puts up with everything. Like you said, I try so hard to be "normal" for him, but I fail a lot of times which makes me feel so bad. Luckily, he's very supportive and understanding, but I still feel a lot of guilt and shame.

Originally Posted by vintageromance

Yes, I feel guilty. My husband is the "normal" one, the one who compromises and accommodates and puts up with everything. Like you said, I try so hard to be "normal" for him, but I fail a lot of times which makes me feel so bad. Luckily, he's very supportive and understanding, but I still feel a lot of guilt and shame.

My husband is the same. He doesn't push me to work and really only wants me to be happy. I'm trying hard to be happy. I'm reading all about healthy coping skills. Trying hard to use them. Being bad is so easy, being good is such a challenge.

[vintageromance]

Originally Posted by KathyLittle

My husband is the same. He doesn't push me to work and really only wants me to be happy. I'm trying hard to be happy. I'm reading all about healthy coping skills. Trying hard to use them. Being bad is so easy, being good is such a challenge.

Maybe it'd help both of us to look at it in terms of "sick" or "disorder" instead of "bad" and "good". I tend to do the same, but I think maybe that just adds to our guilt. My husband always says when I apologize, "It's not your fault. You have a problem." Maybe we should look at it in terms of simply having a problem that's hard to control instead of labeling ourselves bad people. I know though, easier said than done, but it's worth a shot.

Originally Posted by vintageromance

Maybe it'd help both of us to look at it in terms of "sick" or "disorder" instead of "bad" and "good". I tend to do the same, but I think maybe that just adds to our guilt. My husband always says when I apologize, "It's not your fault. You have a problem." Maybe we should look at it in terms of simply having a problem that's hard to control instead of labeling ourselves bad people. I know though, easier said than done, but it's worth a shot.

That is really a healthy way of looking at the situation. Sometimes I deny I have a problem. I try to shift the blame or make a joke. When I get impulsive I often do things I regret. Perhaps it isn't my fault but it sure does feel like it. I do think I'm improving.

As long as you are gaining, you are on the right track.I wish you well.

[lad007]

I don't feel bad, but am sorry. My husband says-that's not you talking or doing these things, it's the BP. If you are taking your meds, therapy, exercise, yoga you are trying to stay well, that's the best you can do.
Plus when I do feel good I am extra nice and treat him well-cooking special meals, listening to him talk about his work, and "quality time"-if you get my meaning!
I am grateful to have him.

[Inedible]

Keep in mind that whether you are married or just seeing someone, that person was drawn to you, too. There is a reason for this. You are in their life because they have things to learn from being with you, too. It is one of those "two way street" kinds of things.