[Silent_tsol]

Last year my boyfriend of 5 years at the time cheated on me. It was devastating and heartbreaking. I spent my so long limiting romantic relationships to avoid being hurt. When I met him, I realized I couldn't keep hiding and for a year I kept all of my walls up. I still didn't want to get hurt, even though nothing about him suggested the case. But he stuck with me through all the tests I gave him -set up to prove that he wasn't worthy of being trusted. He stuck with me and passed them. So eventually I had to lower the gate.

And things went great. Until last year. One freaking night to tear my world apart. One night that has led to 428 days of consequences. Not just for him but for me. I pay the consequence for his choice. The consequence of lowering the gate.

I just don't know how to get through. I love him still, and we are working on things but I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted from being sad and suspicious and angry and ....everything else. I want us to be normal again. I want us to be happy together again. But I don't know how

[aveda12]

I'd be devastated if I were in your position. Cheating has never sat well with me. I have ended every relationship in which someone has cheated on me. Everything before the act of infidelity becomes a lie and a waste of time when I learn the other person has been unfaithful.

After 5 years though, I don't know. I've been with my current boyfriend for 3 years. I can say I'd leave him if he were to ever cheat on me, especially because he has accused me of cheating in the past, but I might try to stick it out like you're doing now. I tend to give people the benfit of the doubt, except when they cheat on me.

Truth is, you can't erase the fact that he has cheated. You have to decide if you're love for him is enough to motivate you to stay in the relationship and work things out. Is you love enough to get past the hurt and the doubt that he may cheat again?

It wouldn't do either of you any good if you're always going to hold it against him while remaining in the relationship. I mean, what would it take for him to prove himself again and even after he were to prove himself again, would you be okay with then?

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide.

[RomanSunburn]

Tsol, I'm very worried about you. I've told you my story. I know what happened to me wasn't anywhere near what happened with you and your boyfriend. But I am seriously worried about you. I can't remember whether or not you are in any sort of therapy, but if you aren't, I really feel that you should try to find someone to talk to to help ease your pain. I understand how exhausted you are. But for me, I could at least understand what happened, and with understanding forgiveness can come. But in your case, I'm not sure I can understand it at all. I hate to say it, but I think you might need a break... Just so you can take care of you, and not worry about holding this relationship together. It doesn't have to be a permanent break, but I think it would help you, clear your mind, remember who is your number one priority (ps, it's you! )

Tsol, I'm thinking of you. I haven't forgotten you or your struggle, and I'm really hoping you can find some peace for yourself. Take care

[Silent_tsol]

You don't need to worry about me -i guess I'm just in a downward funk. Maybe it's the weather (cold, wet, blah) but I'll be ok.

I have just started seeing a counsellor and I'm hoping to deal with a lot of my feelings on this. But of course I won't just open up and trust the counsellor because I have to make things difficult.

Ah....break. Bf suggested the same thing but I take issue. I've never seen breaks as a temporary thing. If we can't sort out our problems then we should end it. It's sort of cynical but it's a belief I can't on stick