[Sabrina]

My husband and I sort of disagreed on a discipline issue with the child. When I try and justify or explain why I feel what I am feeling he simply tells me "I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT". So I ask him when - he says never. I really need him to hear what I am feeling and why - he does not want to - he does not appear interested - for he feels his feelings and thoughts are THE only and the RIGHT way to go.

I honestly feel that he is not prepared to see things from my point of view. I try and put my feet in his shoes, I really do - but he does not do the same for me.

As a result - conflicting discipline to a very confused child.

And a very unhappy Mom.

And a happy yet UNhappy wife with a husband who loves but refuses to talk!

What am I doing wrong???

Sweetie, I know the silent type!!!! My husband is just the same! I've told him for years to start talking and to really let me know what he's thinking or feeling....NO result. Sooo frustrating!
You're not doing anything wrong as I see it. Two people married to each other have to learn to walk half way each and to meet up in the middle. Not an easy task though! Try to sit down in peace and talk to your husband. Try not to say like...: you do that or you say that... instead try to talk more concentrated about the issue. For example: When our son doesn't listen maybe we could.....what do you think about that? I thought about our son's behavior and been thinking about the way we're handling it. What do you think we can do better to make it run smoother in our home?

I certainly not mean that I'm better than any other parent! I don't mean that I always do as I wrote above, but it's something to try learning. I'm far from perfect and often feel like a terrible mother and as you probably know it's easier to give advice to others then dealing with your own issues.

I'm only saing this because I feel for you in this situation and can see me in the same shoes.

You're a wonderful mother! Nobody's perfect!

[SeptemberMorn]

Plain and simple, it's not YOU that's doing something wrong, it's him.

[kimmydawn]

I have to agree with September. It sounds like it's him, and we can't change others...only our responses to them.

However, I agree with you as well...if you two don't meet on common ground with such an issue, the child knows, feels and reflects that.

Would he consider counseling for the two of you to try to mediate where this is concerned?

gl!

kd

[Rhapsody]

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

As I read your words I had a feeling of.... what about the child that gets hurt in the middle of his parents disagreement..... the confusion he will start to feel inside, not to mention how he will (or has already learned) hat he can now play you two against each other.

IMHO - it is the child that looses here.... A husband and wife must unite as ONE to make the family work (and) some time that means taking the time to hear the others POV even if they do not always agree... for what wounds will only tears apart.

I feel that your husband needs to learn the fine art of accepting that ONES FEELINGS (rather we understand then or not) is important and valid to the one that holds them..... it is apart of the person we LOVE.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

P.S.
Remember that MEN usually do not like to talk about matters that they have been reprimanded for - it leaves them feeling like a failure.... as if you said those words to him yourself.... YOU are a F.A.I.L.U.R.E!
>>>>>>> (and they call us fickle) - (lol)

[Sabrina]

Thanks everyone. You know - it is a pattern that seems to have been set than when we disagree on something and I need to tell him he might be wrong - he shuts me out. As Rhapsody said, he does not like to be reprimanded.

I examined my actions today as I really am frustrated and I now realize that I become very repetitive in an argument. That might be why he just wants to shut the whole thing out.

Anyway - at least there was no carried over "mood" between us today. That makes for a change!!

[SeptemberMorn]

Hey, Sweety. I'm wondering if learning how to communicate more effectively with someone who would rather shut you up than to listen might now help you.

I found this site that talks about "I" Statements which helps you be more assertive. Why don't you look through it?

"I" Statements and Being Assertive
(link)